When the Jacaranda Blooms
I dreaded the answer I would get from my mother because I already knew it ,I just didn't want it to be true.As Alice wheeled me into the living room ,I could feel the temp in the room rise as my temper was rising , I simply couldn't afford the impending drama .A few months ago if would have been a happy occasion (the kind I had been excitedly planning and waiting for ) but life had taken its course in those following months and changed my mind ,marriage was just out of question .
The car accident had been a horrible one ,I had been at robots tapping my fingers to the beat of ' Easy by Dani Leigh' and I recall the smell of burning rubber more than the screech of tires ;the impact of the crash had pushed me forward right onto oncoming traffic,as if instinctively I reached behind for my baby ;but the seat belt was stuck and maybe it was her scared cry or the alarming screams from onlookers that dawned the realisation that I was in deep trouble , after that all I remembered was screams ,petrol and then dead silence .I had woken up after three months in a hospital bed with no baby and no control of my lower body ,according to the doctor I had injured my spine ,not life threatening but it did cause just enough damage to paralyse me.
'Its time you stop mopping around Shar, if you won't do physiotherapy then at least get back to normal life',my mom says
'Mother ,I am in a wheelchair ,I lost Cher and you want what?,' I said .
I didn't believe her audacity.She had called them here as of my opinion on the matter didn't matter at all.
Just as I was about to say my mind the chime of the doorbell rang and they were here .Mind you these weren't strangers, they were indeed my future (had been future ) in-laws .I had been engaged or still was just until a few weeks ago when I awoke from a coma and decided I didn't want to burden anyone especially not Keith Wiler .He was the love of my life and had been visibly heartbroken by my decision but the doctor had told them to expect some drastic changes in character as a result of the trauma of being a new paralytic .As they came in from the corridor ,my mother's breezy voice blending in with the visitors in welcoming notes.
Alice grabbed my shoulders in a supportive stance I suppose as I took several deep breaths to calm my erratic heartbeat; I hadn't set eyes on Keith ever since the day I had told him i needed space and he needed to move on with his life , as he walked into the living room his scent ( that lovely smell of him ) filled my nostrils and when his eyes met mine ; I felt relief surge through my body I hadn't even realised I was uncalm the whole time and just his eyes on my eyes looking right through my soul ,picking up the emotions I had went through in the past weeks, scanning my face for that old smile he liked ,I couldn't help smiling at him just as he smiled at me.
' Shar', he said and that's all he had to say as he stooped to my height and embraced me in a warm hug .I let the room go on ,Ute and it was just us ,my heart ,his heart ,my breath ,his breath I had unknowingly missed him and that was scary .
A discreet cough separated us and brought me back to planet earth.Alice ,our parents and the rest of horde all left the room with sudden expressions of 'I haven't shown the new kitchen,let's go see it , we have homework to do and from Alice 'I have a phone call to make' .
And with that the room emptied and it was just us two .Keith on the couch across from me and I by the window ,fiddling my hands to keep them from tapping on the chair in nervousness.
' we need to talk Shar,'Keith pointing out the obvious .
'I'm not ready to walk away Shar ,not yet I will not do it ,' he continued his eyes transfixed on my poker face .
'We can't just drop it after 5 years and walk away because we have a hurdle in front of us ,we can work through this ,you can get physhiotherapy,counselling whatever you want, but we can't just give up now Shar ', he pressed .
I stared at him ,inwardly asking myself what I had done to deserve this man .
'Say something please ,' his voice bringing me back to planet real life.
What could I have said ,I wanted to stay with him ,he was the love of my life .