The Journey to Self Love...
Why do I doubt my ability to be a " some one " to somebody else? Like I put up road blocks on myself that stop me from taking chances with woman. Like, I criticize myself a lot. I really love where I am, who I am and what God is molding to be, but I overthink my way out of taking risks. Fears crop up, fear of inadequacy, fear of rejection, fear of losing something I never had. I wish I had more confidence in myself like I do in everything else I do in my life. I just know that, insecurities developed at a young age followed by drug use/alcohol kept me from ever getting in a relationship. 27 with no relationship experience is scary. My main goal In life is to get married, have kids and know the feeling of someone who wants to wake up every morning next to me as I do them, come home to someone and a little me or two little me's that I can take camping, Disney Land and give all my love to. It's scary and I know it is all in my head, it's thinking that has been with me ever since when I was a kid. Wish God would put a woman in my life that would have patience, love me for me. My Mom said I have a great personality, heart, beautiful eyes and a good kid. I sometimes hold myself back from showing that because of my crowded head space and feelings of inadequacy, it hides me down inside and is not revealed when it needs to be the most. I freeze up. I need to just suck it up and just try.. faith without works is dead. How do I untrain my mind to think a way that's kept me like this for years? I probably could of had some experience in relationships if I put more faith into it and love myself more. I have so much inside along with love to give and I am afraid to take a chance? Thank you for letting me rant about this. I am not depressed or anything just venting. It's a battle I have been fighting for years. Thank you for taking the time to read and let me be vulnerable for a minute.
I am grateful to be accepting of who I am and have acquired self love and faith today. Today I am everything I knew I already was and get to be in peace without these thoughts crowding my mind.
I understand time is the best teacher and every piece to my life's puzzle has been properly set where needed by God and is coming together day by day.