Numb. I can't think nor can I feel. I use to be passionate and loved with reckless abandon. Now I'm just reckless because I've been abandoned. I felt everything and now I feel nothing.It's like my soul is stuck in some deaden timeless loop, with remnants of purgatory. I see my spirit just wandering among the dead, and for the first time I'm not afraid. I realize now that fear no longer greets me when I see their faces because I too have become a ghost. I'm just more frightening because Ive manged to touch the threshold, with a beating heart. I've learned to blend with the dead while being alive. Maybe because life has left my soul. I'm the shell of a woman that I never got to be,but now I have to accept that this is the new me. I still laugh and I still have fun, in fact I'm content. I want happiness and got contentment. I wanted peace but ended up being numb.I wanted to stop caring about the bad, but instead I stopped caring at all. In the end they are both the same to me, one just has me at my best version while the other has me just doing my best. I am numb. I told others long ago, that if they kept hurting me, I feared a day would come where I'll no longer want what've wanted the most, which is love. I dreamt for love my entire life, I prayed to God,asked santa,threw quarters into wishing wells and made a wish upon a shooting star. I have given my all, and went over and beyond. Well, that day has come, I no longer dream of fairytales,nor do I pursue love. I just had it wrong. It's not that I'll ever stop wanting love, it's just that I can't feel it anymore. The love in my heart has left the building, now all is left is my voice echoing down the empty hollowed halls,though theres no one to answer back. I no longer can feel passion, for that reason I don't care for it anymore. I've changed, so guess my desires changed with it. I no longer care about feeble tales, and it's aesthetics. Instead, I want to explore this world and see what it has to offer before I completely pass the threshold, before I'm entirely dead and gone. Guess my life is still a fairytale after all, just a dark one. I'm not the princess who was saved from a dragon.Instead I was transformed into one,and now must learn to live with a fire that has now become a part of me. With each breath it rekindles. In life you either get burned by fire or you become the flame.