In the dark of night, he fumbled with the door, his fingers missing the keyhole about twice. Frustrated, he let out quite the detailed array of cuss words. His mum would definitely be impressed by...haha not. The thought of it made him go off again with a fresh string of expletives. Finally, the door gave way causing him to involuntarily stumble to the nearest chair caught unawares.
Today, it was just him and the silence sat together embracing each other. On other days it was the bottle he would hold on to but today it lay somewhere shattered on the way to his house. Eventually, the contrast between the deafening noise in his mind and the stark silence around him became too much. Tiredly he walked into his solace for the night.
This is what he deserved....no he deserved way more. He was a monster, he deserved death but he was also a selfish monster and this would do for now. Determined, he turned the heat all the way up, today he deserved full punishment. Today, the guilt hit different. He sighed as he felt the welcome pain on his skin, one hot scalding droplet after another beating violently on his skin.
The room filled up with mist, he closed his eyes his mind torturing him like it did every night. He saw his best friend that night, he remembered that weird laughter he got after two bottles in. How after, they took that drunken selfie and hashtagged it TGIF, YOLO. He had to give it to life, its irony was unmatchable. How he never knew he had only one more hour with Fred.
The little showers had now graduated to a full blown attack on his skin. The pain was almost unbearable now but unmatched to the one in his heart. His arrogant mind deserved it, how he said he got it covered..."A drunk man always knows his way home" . "Fuck" he fisted the wall in front of him in a weak attempt to release the pain in his chest.
Leaning tiredly on the shower wall, his mind flashed back to the funeral. How lost Fred's wife and son looked, he was their pillar. How he couldn't stomach the guilt, how he left the ceremony ...no, how the guilt in his head violently kicked him out of the ceremony. He sighed and turned off the shower, feeling the second degree burn already forming on his skin,
Tomorrow Michelle would come over and observe the burns on his back with her worried doe eyes full of pity. She would look him in the eye, hold his chin and ask him to go talk to someone. He would look away, because he didn't care about the burns, because they were mild in comparison to the unfair punishment inflicted on his best friend. He would shake his head because he didn't understand what unfair deity decided that he live and Fred die. His eye would shed a tear because the only person he wanted to talk to was six feet under, and another tear because it was all his fault.
Don't drink and drive.