In love with a man
She couldn’t stomach it…
She knows the dark side of reality. She knows what’s hiding in the shadows. She was preached about this again and again by everyone around her. Be safe, walk properly, sit properly, dress properly, stay in the light, don’t trust where etched on her mind. She knew there was good and bad in the world, but she never knew there was bad and worse.
“No one knew” he cried. “No one except my best friend” he sobbed into her hands. “ You don’t need to explain,” she said to him, thinking what's wrong with people. “I have to. I cannot lock it inside me forever and i- i trust you” I love you was left in between the lines which she read loud and clear.
“It- it was our school farewell party, organized by students in some club. I- I was with my ex- girlfriend and her friends, some guys she- she knew . My fr- friends left early and i- i was about to leave. Sh- She wanted m- me to drop her. S- So I waited. Th- they gave me something to- to drink. I- i didn’t think. It was ju- just a drink i-” He broke off and started sobbing into her shoulders. She knew what's coming. She knew.
“It’s my fault. Sh- She always initiated things, I- I was okay wi- with sex b- but it felt wi- wierd to- to- we were too young-” he sobbed. ‘Men should be strong minded and strong hearted’ Damn you society and your bullshit perceptions she seethed to herself. “How old were you guys?, you don’t have tell me if you don’t want to just-”.''she was a couple of years older than me. Sh- she was detained a year at sch- school.” he tried to get himself together. “Don’t. Don’t hold on. Let it go,”she said. you don’t have to be always strong he read in between her lines.
“I- I didn’t know where i was when I woke up. It was painful. Everywhere, everything was painful, I couldn't walk an- and there was blo-” he hid his face in his hands and started sobbing again. Oh God, she covered her mouth. “It was some kind of hotel. My ex was sitting in the- there with another guy. They started talking ab- about be- before night. Laughing and teasing an-” he started pulling his hair. She took his hands and held it strong. “I- it was dis- disgusting. I- i shouted and sc- screamed. She just slapped m- me an- and sa- said ‘It’s sex. All guys like it. Don’t act like a simp’ I-I- sex is okay b- but-”, “Not okay without your consent” she finished it for him.
“I- I didn’t have a phone, so I came down and called my best friend from the lobby. H- he took me to- to a doctor, helped me, lied to my mom that we had an accident, never told anyone. I-I couldn’t tell m- my mom. How can I tell my mom that her son-” he broke off, crying. He never lied to his mom. It was physically painful to carry something so traumatic. “My mom knew something was wrong. Later i told her i broke up with my girlfriend and mom thought it was the reason i was sad” he gave a sad smile.
“You know when my dad died,a year before all this, everyone told me to hold on and be strong for my mom. I was’ the man of the family’ then. Everyone expects men like me to be strong and confident, but we are human. We have a heart and we feel all the pain, shame and everything. But where should we go and cry? Where do our broken hearts go? How do we heal if we can’t express the pain we feel?” he looked somewhere with raw pain and emptiness in his eyes.
She hugged him tight and broke down in his shoulders. It was just two souls with raw pain, crying into each other's arms. She brushed his tears and kissed his forehead. “ You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders. You can cry, you can break down, you can express your pain. You have friends. They would never judge you. There are people who would listen to you and help you heal. You have your mom and dad, your dad lives in you. There are people who like you and love you not in spite of your pain and flaws, but also for those.” she said, looking into his eyes. “Will you love me for my pains and flaws?” he asked with so much hope and pain in his eyes that it broke her heart. “I love you. For all your pains and flaws. All of you” she held his face in her hands and touched their foreheads.
“Sorry you are stuck with a simp” he chuckled.
No, I fell in love with a Man...