I felt nervous. The carriage stumbled forward and I could only repeat my mantras. It was strange. The good judgment which I had had that morning was fading. Clarity had a splendid brightness, it let me see that he did not love me and could live without him. However, now... that clarity is gone.
The carriage slows down. Stops. My dress is beautiful.
Just like ever, the room is empty. The instruments are tuned and musicians play with passion. He, gallant, with a glass of wine in his white gloved hand, observes me with a calm but amused expression, and in his bright eyes, the lust takes place.
My heart is racing, I try in vain to gather all my courage and strength to let him know that I've came to tell him. I repeat it in my head once and twice:
"I don't want this anymore. This ends now. "
He takes my waist and brings the gobbled to my lips.
"No, wait. We need to talk."
He gives up his provocative expression and observes my face. I try not to hesitate.
"Very well. I'm listening."
Those are the most human words I've ever heard him say.
What was I going to say? His face maintained a sad expression, so... human, almost like a normal teenager.
"Do you love me?" I ask spontaneously.
"I love you."
"I've been told you don't. You frequent someone else."
I felt stupid for bringing it up. I knew I wasn't the only one, so doing so didn't make any sense.
"You're the only one." He brushes a lock of my hair and caress one of my breasts. "They are jealous. Jealous that you love me."
The security with which he affirmed my love for him...
He puts the glass on my lips.
"Drink, my dear."
I drink. I can not stop. He throws the glass elegantly and with the sound of the broken glass we begin our dance.
"Wait..." I plead weakly as he devours my lips and he guides me with strength and firmness.
I can not against him. I love him. This sickly passion I feel for him makes me want to lose myself in his cruel and addictive being again.
"You're mine and that's how I'm going to treat you," he whispers against my ear as he kisses me and unties my corset without stopping our dance.
I know what comes next. And I can't stop it.
Every night is the same. I need to kiss him, touch him, to believe and feel he is mine.
All a lie.
Every night is a beautiful lie.