How did it get to this ?
Laughter. Joy. Commitment. Perfection.
I love this man, how did I get so lucky?
Overdue bills. No shows at work. Missed calls.
There’s always a reasonable explanation for all of this. I thought I got him to pay that bill, maybe I forgot to tell him.
Anger. Annoyed. Controlling.
Silly me, I walked into a door….and a table….and his fist but I shouldn’t have made him angry. Its not as bad as it sounds, it was really my fault.
Guilt. Depression. Sadness.
Why am I like this? I always fuck up one way or another. I miss how things use to be, I miss him.
Missing for long period of times. Phone is off. No one knows where you are.
Pain. Humiliation. Put down.
I question you and where you’ve been. Rumours are going around and your boss…my dad, hasn’t seen you at work for days, he asks if everything is okay at home because he’s getting friendly with girls at work and being inappropriate. I reassure him everything is okay , but it’s not.
Have you ever seen a wild dog cornered? They become aggressive, growling, and snarling just waiting for his chance to snap at you to get away or if it thinks it could overpower you, he will.
Well, when he came back it went like that.
Next thing I knew I was sitting in the back of our closet crying, cowering, putting my face between my legs and covering my head.
He made it seem like he was doing me the favor of being with me.
How did I believe it ?
“ You’re worthless, no one wants you, I don’t even want you but yet here I am. You’re so controlling and nosy. I’m going out with friends and MAYBE I will come back home but who knows maybe I’ll go fuck whoever I want”. It wasn’t a job complete until you completely crushed me, you wanted me to feel exactly how you made me look.
Fighting to be with him changed into fighting to get away from him.
How did broken promises turn into broken bones.
How did it get to this?