the smell of the rain has never been this sweet
as i asked myself "what happened?"
my thoughts wandered farther than my feet could ever take me
"bittersweet" i told myself while lighting my cigarette
it was a rainy night and the city was almost asleep
standing next to me was a boy also pouring his eyes out
"please don't go" he whispered
i stared blankly at the dark road ahead,
turned my back at him
took a step forward feeling all numb
all i wanted to do was to run away, sleep and wake up as if everything was just a dream
"please, please.. don't leave me. i'm begging you" he pleaded
the silence that night was deafening
and nothing was brighter than the fact that i gave up on him,
i gave up on us and i gave up on myself
there goes my bestfriend, my lover and my first love
a few days passed and i could feel the bigger space, the failure, the regrets
next thing i knew i was already standing in front of his door
i knocked once, twice, thrice. no one answered.
then i received a message saying "i will never go back"
i felt broken, empty then.. i felt nothing.
first love, first failure
took me years to overcome everthing
then i've learned to be more selfless, stronger and smarter on my next ones
i forget about 'giving up' unless i need to.
which since never ever came out of my mouth again
this memory has never left me, it was stuck in a special corner in my mind.
never told this story by mouth to anyone and took me three cigs to finish this piece.
again, "bittersweet" i told myself.