The Wolf in Me
How does it feel being capably free?
It’d be nice to feel normal, just to have stability.
There is no colour there is only gray.
Uncertain if I will even see the next day.
I am cold and I’m lonely my stomach is sick.
It churns like the ocean from this fear I can’t kick..
The regret and the sorrow, tears flow and eyes burn,
when will it stop, when is it my turn?
Inside me, an animal, this can't really be me.
A monster controls me, blood thirsty is he.
Ravenous and hallow stomach growling in rage.
How do I get this thing back in its cage?
Always howling, it’s biting and growling.
It is strong and I’m weak I do what it tells me.
The smell of my fear sparks feeding frenzies.
The wolf that’s inside me, It wants others suffer and see.
Never stopping, always needing more heartache from you.
My heart is a pool of stagnant water, its filthy its dirty I am nobody’s son.
The heart wants what it wants will I ever be pure?
Am I just too weak be someones cure?
This water, my heart, I offer it to you but I knew it deep down, it was too good to be true.
Drink in my sadness, swallow my hurt.
Nourishing, I am not, as I’m made up of dirt.
He just couldn't stomach me, digesting my pain made him ill.
If love couldn’t fix can anything else ever will.
I am dry now, I’m dust, I became so much worse.
An empty hole for a heart its painful, perverse.
Instincts turn feral, I am confused and unbalanced.
I’m not sure if I have enough strength for this challenge.
My thoughts begin racing, I ask god why me?
Why is this what I’m facing?
I don’t want this, my life is scary and strange.
I would do whatever I could in order to change.
These thoughts will convince me to starve and to bleed.
Self loathing permeates it grew from a seed.
Try to think of the good times.
Your eyes and the warmth from the sun.
Someday once again I could perhaps have some fun.
The beast quiets down and I’m relieved I can breathe.
But I know that this hunger, it wilI never be gone.
I’m tired of fighting, this is too much.
Its present, approaching, my skin cold to touch.
Its anchored inside me I’m heavy I sink.
My mouth fills with water, I don’t know what to think.
But no I can’t drown, I keep swimming to get far.
Away a place I know from my dreams, where I’m happy and safe, and I feel serene.
I will never surrender myself to the wolf who gains strength from causing your tears.
I will keep treading water towards safety even if it takes years.
Choking and gasping I’m exhausted to the core.
I’m sinking when suddenly I can see the shore!
I begin to feel warmth I can see you and your eyes.
The creature, I starve him he withers he dies.
You can beat the wolf too and live in the place of your dreams.
Sometimes its not as dark as it seems.