You try to sleep thru this animosity because you don't have to lie awake at night wondering 'how to be a different me', for a society that scoffs at individuality.
You wish for a world similar to that, in your eyes, "was easier, simpler"... Easier to whom? To whom it is solely fucking catered... To you.
Go ahead, Look in that fucking mirror.. Maybe, when you burn thru your own lies, with your own goddamn eyes, you'll finally see the big picture, much clearer. Have you ever been scared standing here, right here in front of this mirror... Is the first feeling everyday about your skin, your face, your hair, or do you have to look to darker faces, in darker places? You ever ask your reflection just why the fuck that is? What did they teach you in your history class? What did they teach you at home, your mom and dad? I mean, what the fuck would you do if some people were goddamn plaid? Stripes, in every color your bargain store crayon box had.
How many times have you looked in the mirror, and wished you'd see someone who was much thinner? If you've never looked at yourself and thought, now there's a fuckin winner? When you didn't grow up hearing how pretty you are, you have no basis for comparison, other than you're worth less than those who 'have it all'.
When is the last time you pretended to eat. Lied, to say you were full because the last thing you want is all of the calories on this goddamn dinner plate. When you look at the scale, and every time it's a battle, that ends in a stalemate because it never tells you what you want... When all that goddamn mirror ever shows you, is a fat fucking clot. Ever get secretly excited, quietly in your head, about sneaking to the bathroom and puking it out instead? When that's the only way you know, to love yourself.
How many times have you looked in the mirror, and thought about shaving every square inch of your body, except your head because that's what social stands said? Shaved every visible skin thread and walked around for the next week feeling like an itchy, burny fucking pin cushion because this is what we're told is sexy, instead... Instead of being natural, while laying next to someone in your own godforsaken bed. Remove the human from your body, remove the human from your head.
Have you ever looked in the mirror, and watched yourself cry...
Watched yourself cry...
Watched yourself Fucking cry, while conversing with the voices in your head about all the stellar ways to die? Who would show up to your funeral, dressed in traditional lies. Stand by your side, and give bullshit speeches about, 'but we loved him, he was such a great guy!' it makes me nauseous, and want to crawl back inside whatever hell from which my parents forces collided.
Have you ever gotten drunk, so drunk that you drown? You drown those sorrows so deep down, that you think they're gone. Until, you wake up again with bloodshots of Jaeger in the whites of your eyes, and chunks of your soul dried to the floor that surrounds the toilet bowl.
Have you had nights where you did so many drugs, that you finally felt normal... Felt fucking cool? Like, that's what it took to fit in. Stripping yourself of your dignity, to make doors fucking open. Done so many drugs, you don't even know who the fuck you are anymore. The reflection in that goddamn mirror isn't someone who's name you even know. So, you punch them in the fucking face, turn, crunching your boots on shattered glass, and walk out the fucking door.
Have you ever just wished you were dead? That they'd ask be better off, instead... If you were just gone. No more you, no more song. No more reasons to have suffered this long.