7 posts
  • ciara1 13w

    Embracing Our Flaws

    We all know people who we work with, go to school with, workout at the gym with, people in our neighborhoods and relatives. Those people would try to get under our skin and start trolling our flaws. What I mean is that people would mess with us to find our weaknesses.
     There was a girl in my class in 3rd grade that told me I have the smallest ears in the world or why are my ears so small? And I would go all along with it and said, "yeah I know, small ears run in my family." When I said that, she had stopped picking on me about my ears. That is how we all should handle bullies as adults. Go along with it, and I promise everyone that people would stop trolling you.
    When I think about that moment now, as an adult, we should always have that type of mindset. I know I had a lot of moments in my life as a child when people would tease me and I did not go along with them all the time If what they said about me. I would continue on with the situation arguing back and forth, but that is only making the situation worse. It is okay to always let a person know how you feel about the situation without swearing at them and going back and forth with them. Sometimes in a situation, depending on the individual who is the abuser of the situation. As adults, we have the power to walk away. I know sometimes that can be a challenge to do at times. When we walk away from a toxic situation, the abuser will not get under our skin anymore. When that bully who is shouting and swearing at us at our jobs, at school or at the grocery store. If you stay in that situation going back and forth with that bully, he or she will see you as a weak individual and that person will keep trolling you. They will not stop. They will keep finding ways to get under our skin. When that bully sees us walk away from them, they will see us as a strong individual that they can not troll anymore. They would say in their heads "awe I can't fuck with that bitch or nigga no mo, let me find some other nigga to fuck with." There are a lot of us who grew up in the hood, or even still lives in the hood being around so many negative energies. It is hard to walk away from situations that will occur all the time when you go out on the block or at the candy store where you always have that ignorant ghetto girl or that aggressive guy on the street that can not take the word "No" for an answer. We always have to defend ourselves living in the hood or projects. But when we all go out into the real world, start making money for ourselves and our families, or even going to college. We have to walk away from ignorance because if we do not walk away, we either get fired from our jobs, getting kicked out of school, or end up going to jail over someone trolling us. As an adult, I am not going to jail over something that is petty because someone got under my skin. That does not make any sense. I would say in my head now when I get into toxic situation "let me just walk away from this nigga, I got better things to do in my life besides arging with this bitch." Who cares if that person does not like how I look, or how ugly I look to them. There are a lot of people in this world whose skins are disfigured or had got burnt in a fire and survived, or someone that is handicap with one arm or one leg. Those people are the strongest individuals that are embracing their flaws every day. We all have to love ourselves for who we are. Love our flaws. I love my flaws. I wear glasses, and I am going to keep wearing glasses. I am not putting any contexts in my eyes. I love my tiny eyes. I love looking nice wearing my bright color outfits when I go out. I love my bumps and moles on my body. I love my thick booty. I love myself. I embrace my flaws and you all have to do the same as well. The only person that will accept our flaws is ourselves and God. God loves our flaws. Be faithful and grateful for how God made us.

  • ciara1 14w

    The Power of Not Caring

    When I first met my boyfriend Bernie back in 2015 at Harold Washington college. We first started out as friends. A few months later Bernie started falling in love with me. As I said in my last poem "A Man With High Status," that I came from a  background where people did not care about their partners or spouse's feelings. I was taught to stab men in the back. Basically, I was raised to be dishonest towards men and myself. My mother taught me to never express my feelings towards a man. I did not know what love was, and Bernie did not either. 

        At that moment when he was falling for me, I was tending to pull back from that. He told me that he loved me, but I did not love him. I did not feel the same way he felt. He wanted me to always see him and be around him at school every day. He would get insecure of whom I hung around, and he did not like it when I was around my family. I would tell him that I needed space, and he did not understand that. It was starting to feel like he was controlling me. That was why I cheated a lot on him because of his insecurities. He was writing me love poems and sending them to my emails of how he felt deeply about me. When I read them love poems he sent me, I was saying in my head, "why is he writing love poems to me, I don't care about this shit, I don't even love this nigga, I don't care how this nigga feel, fuck his poems." I was the type of female back then that did not like romance or celebrate Valentine's day, and I am still the type of female today that do not like romance or Valentine's Day. A lot of people would think that was odd for a woman not liking romance, but I did not care. It is my choice. 

           I told my boyfriend that he does not have to prove himself to me. He does not have to write me love poems, tell me how much he loves me or how much he cares. I am not looking for that in a relationship. I do not believe in deep love or romantic love. My perspective is not going to change on that. I would tell him today that I need a lot of space. I do not like to be around him all the time. I do not even like to be around my family like that. A woman always needs her space no matter what. It does not matter if that woman is married or in a relationship, she needs her space. Men need their space too. I am not just speaking on women's behalf. Men want some alone time too, they need to figure out their purpose in life and seek their goals as much as women does. We all need our space. Now, I have to be honest with myself and God. We all have to be honest with ourselves and with the people that are close to us of what we really want in a relationship. What do you really want in a relationship? What do I really want in a relationship? It is our choice of what we want in a relationship. No one can not dictate on what we should be or how we should act in a relationship, it is our choice. No one can not control our thoughts or our actions. Only we can do that. We ourselves have the power to find our purpose through life. 

        Bernie and I today see each other twice a week. Back then, he did not understand what space was, but now he does. He gives me all the space I need. I would tell him to not prove anything to me because I do not care about that. Just be a man of your purpose in life, and I have to be a woman of my purpose in life. I need space to get closer to God, and to do the things that makes me happy, not the things that makes other people happy.

  • ciara1 14w

    A Man With High Status

    A man with high status is the man who is known to his environment, social media status of thousands or millions of fans, or a celebrity with high status. But in my case and experience, a man with a high status does not necessarily mean he is famous or knows lots of people buy clout or viewers.

         In the year 2016, I did some cheating on my boyfriend Bernie. I was always looking for an upgrade in men. Basically, I was using men for benefits with sex. I was looking for a provider, a man that gives me food, money, and buy me clothes. 

    In that year of 2016, I met a man named Rayshon who had high status in his community. We saw each other once a week, every Monday while my boyfriend was at work. Everywhere we went, this man was well known in his neighborhood. There were people who were calling out his name, and we could not even get inside a restaurant without someone speaking to him. He knew everybody.

    There was a moment where we were holding hands walking down the street in the hood on the West Side. God knows it is ruff on the west side. A lot of gangs and drug activity going on in that environment. There were guys standing by abandoned stores and buildings. One guy spoke to Rayshon and said: "What up bro, that's you?" Rayshon replies, "Yeah this is me." "Ight bro, she cute, " the man said. My response was "thank you, " I said naively.

       Those moments being with Rayshon was a lesson and learned. I think about it today why I did what I did in the past. Rayshon was not the only man who I been with. I have been with tons of guys and females I had sex with that I can not keep count of, but that is a whole different chapter I will discuss later in my poetry and stories. I always had this assumption growing up that I had to always use what I got to get what I want from men. I had came from an unfaithful family background where everyone cheated on their partners and spouses. It has been a cycle that has been repeated in my family over and over again. Today, I have overcome that assumption of being with a bunch of men to make me feel happy. I came to the realization that a man does not make me happy. 

         Today, as a church-going woman, the only man that makes me happy is God. I am committed and faithful to God. God is my man. I put God first before man because to be faithful to God, that is how you become faithful to yourself and others you love. I treat people the way I want to be treated. Do you want to know who the man supposed to be with the high status? That man is God. God is the man with the high status. Know God, know his ways. Spread the word of God in your life and in your community. 

    "Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth." John 9:31 

  • ciara1 14w

    Trust Issues in Friendship

    Friends? Imm.

    You say you are my friend, but you not with me through thick and thin. Man, 

    I'm tired of meeting new friends, that don't know what it means to be a true friend. Well, hmm,

    I guess I know who my true friends are then. 

    As far as I know, hmm, friends come and go that kicks you to the end of the curb,

    but I do know who makes a true friend,

    That friend will have my back from the beginning to the end.

    That friend will never stab me in the back, 

    be dishonest with me, 

    Judge me,

    Or leave me for another friend.

    I can call on that friend's name 

    Anytime of the day's ending,

    That friend will be with me through my toughest storms and crying nights in,

    And that friend's name is Jesus Christ who died for our sins.

    OH YEAH, I SAID IT, our Lord and savior, Jesus,

    And I can say that name again,

    JESUS, is my friend,

    I am not ashamed of calling on that man's name,

    Now he is my true friend that will stick with me through thick and thin,

    Jesus will always be with me through eternity that will never end,

    That friend don't act like the  friends we meet around the world daily,


    JESUS, you are my best friend that will never leave me hanging,

    I trust you with all my sufferings,

    You have taught me what it really means to be a true friend, 

    what I know is, in order to meet a true friend, I hath to love myself to become a true friend. 

    If anyone asks me who is my friend? I would say, my friend's name is Jesus who died on the cross for our sins. AMEN.

    “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. " Proverbs 18:24.

  • ciara1 15w

    The Life of Our Salvation

    "Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation." Psalms 38:22

            What is Salvation? Well, salvation I thought meant was deliverance from sin. I found out, that was not the correct definition according to the Bible. These past days I kept meditating on the word salvation, and I kept praying and asking God to please give me the wisdom and understanding of what salvation is. One morning last week, I woke up from a very demonic and foul dream I had that was about my past life in reality, of the sins I committed. This dream was very disturbing that I had to rebuke it. When I always have intense disturbing dreams, I tend to rebuke them because it always has consequences and strong meanings behind them. What I mean by consequences and strong meanings is that it can mean death or hell. After I had that dream, that was when God gave me an epiphany of what Salvation means. My definition and understanding of what salvation means to me are that salvation is a covering and it covers us. Salvation covers our past, present, and future. When we put our faith in God, and we repent the sins that we have committed. God forgives us for our sins. “Salvation.”

    "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord, Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2

    What this scripture means to me whatever struggles and hard times we go through in our lives. We should trust and put our faith in God, and do not be afraid. When God pulls us out of our toughest storms, he saves us and gives us strength. We have that faith that we will not return to where we were before. That is when we would call ourselves saved from our sins which we repent our sins to the Lord, and he forgives us. “Salvation.”

    “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:9

          This scripture was given to me, at first I wanted to use another scripture at the end of this paper because I did not understand what this word meant. Something was telling me to keep this scripture even though I did not know the meaning of it. I quoted this scripture to the Lord and asked him to give me a clear understanding and a message of what this scripture is saying to me. After that, I kept repeating this word out loud over and over and read it carefully. When I kept reading this scripture, I kept thinking of the word atonement when I got the understanding of it. What this scripture is saying to me is with our mouth, confession is made into our salvation. We should be atoned with our confessions to the Lord. Meaning, when we confess and call on the Lord, we should always mean what we say in confessing our sins. For example, if I do a lot of swearing when I am not in the church setting. That shows that I am not pleasing God. We should take action and that also means that I still need deliverance in that area. To be honest, I always swear when I'm frustrated or angry, or when someone makes me mad. But when I do swear, I always ask God for forgiveness, and he will forgive you. Sometimes when I get sad or angry I would slip up and swear. When that happens, I have to catch myself and ask God for forgiveness. What I mean is that action speaks louder than words. Put action into our scriptures when we serve the Lord. I learned that the things you need Deliverance from do not mean you are not saved. How I know I really got the understanding of salvation, is because I have meditated and prayed on it. Praying is powerful.



  • sonofben 133w

    The Bible

    At last!
    I thought it was all over,
    but God had other plans.
    Little to my knowledge,he had a plan.

    I never saw it coming,
    I thought I'd never get to be happy again.
    But then,he gave me you.

    He told me to just see it a guide.
    Read it.
    Meditate on it.
    Digest it.
    And live by it.

    I did so,and here I am today,
    so happy and excited.
    The Bible the best helper a man could get.


  • prowhiz 146w

    He would beg and implore if he had to. Reputation be damned. His daughter was at death's door