"Homecoming - April 11, 2017"
Dear 2017 self,
The person you see in front of you today feels like home, doesn't he? The strange sense of peace and fulfillment that you've never had before. No anxiety, no adrenaline rush, as if it's a routine thing to meet him.
A wave of calmness and solace taking over you upon seeing that face for the first time. The face you want to sleep and wake up to, every day, for the rest of your life. The face you can immediately find even if lost in an ocean of humans. The face you wish to be the last image that your eyes see before closing forever. The face that doesn't seem unfamiliar, it never did.
The face with a soothing smile and eyes emanating love, affection and purity, leaving you awestruck as little kids set free at a theme park for the first time.
The presence that feels dreamy and unreal yet comforting. And warmth that you feel even from a distance.
The laughter you shared, genuine and healing.
All of it, every bit about today, feels like homecoming, doesn't it?
And ahead of you are new dreams, of living with love and freedom.
It's the beginning of a new journey, where you'll be loved unconditionally; where you'll forgive and be forgiven; where you'll have your other half with you and you will be complete.
A new life built on dreams, a happier one.
This one person will be your lifelong support and remedy - a compensation for everything that has ever been taken away from you and everyone you've ever lost.
But hey, you're naive and don't realize yet that you will not find this person anywhere but within.
The one you see outside is just a mirror of what you have inside, and is here only to introduce you to your real self, one that can be loved unconditionally, one that deserves as much forgiveness and acceptance as it has always given freely to others, and one that is resilient enough not only to survive storms but come out of them as a better person.
This real human will soon be gone and you'll have to be all that you wanted him to be and all that you wanted to be for him, but for yourself. You'll learn to trust yourself the way you trust him and extend the same kind of love and compassion to yourself that you found in him.
The person you're clinging to is not there to stay but to help you heal and evolve into a better version of yourself.
Be ready to be hurt. It will tear your soul apart to let him go, and when you'll finally do, you'll blame him for not staying and yourself for not being good enough. You'll be angry at him for not giving you the remedy.
When it happens, let it be.
For it will take a while before you realize that departure, too, is a gift from him.
Because the remedy you saw within him is what he mirrored from within you. The answers you wanted from him are, in fact, hidden inside you.
He's not your home, dear younger self; he only feels like it because you see your reflection in him.
So when life will take him away, you'll mourn and cry, but it's going to be a catharsis for all the pain that you've been burying inside since forever. It will heal the wounds you never know existed within you.
And when your vision will become clear again, you'll see he never went away. Because in fulfilling your promise of having his back and supporting him no matter what, you'll learn to become him for yourself. And then, the only thing you'll be certain of, in a world full of unknowns, will be that you've come home to your lifelong support and found your other half, within you.
Love and strength,
Three years wiser and stronger Me