Mirakee
Damn You
First you took my sun
It used to be warm
Inviting
Energizing
And calming simultaneously
I remember that color
Golden yellow to citrus orange
So easy to stare at, that our parents had to remind us not to!
Coconut oil on my tanned childhood skin
Floating in turquoise chlorine water
The scent of oil mixed with the scent of the thin plastic innertube my skinny childhood body floated in.
I watched all the wavy sun lit lines travel across the bottom of the pool.
They hypnotized me, until my body floated in time with the tiny water movements of the pool. Undulations.
I stuck my bottom in the hole of the innertube and faced the sky.
A rich deep blue like my best friend's eyes.
Brilliant white puffy clouds
Slowly drifted through the sky.
But you took that too.
Damn you for taking my blue blue sky.
And smells
like fresh flowers, green grass and fresh living dirt.
And now
You took my family
And friends
You took my human touch
My hugs
My soft embrace
My healing hand holding
Damn you
You took anything worth
Living for
But damn you
I won't let you take me!
©mmbftd
#idonotconsent
2 posts-
mmbftd
41w
Read More#quarantined#freedom#sadness#loss#tyranny#fear#family#nature#cursed#isolation#coronavirus#covid19#comet#atlas#incoming#sky#clouds#quiet#yellowsun#bluesky#people#chemtrails#solarradiationmanagement#geoengineering#weathermodification#jets#planes#cognitivedissonance#idonotconsent#remorse#timetravel#Mandela#quantumphysics#mmbftd#memories#simulatedreality#identity#irrelevance#oppression#irreversable#now#nwo
-
mmbftd
134w
Read More
#oldage#aging#sadness#nostalgia#disgust#memories#history#friends#loves#life#progression#rejection#oldwoman#fallinginlove#desire#powerful#photographs#tangible#lookingback#fantasies#reverse#timetraveler#goback#stoptime#idonotconsent#wrinkles#songs#writer#words#losingyourself#isolation#alone#sad#appreciatethejourney#mmbftd#48yearsold
New Again
I wanted to be new again
Fresh
Soft
Clean and optimistic
I wanted to see my young face
From that time
When I was beautiful
But didn't know it
Looking back at all these photos
Vintage remnants
Committed to actual physical photo paper
All yellowed and dimmed
By the ages gone by
My life
Surrounded by friends
Who lifted me up
Carried me, really
Through heart aches
I created but did not understand that I created
I see us laughing
Smiling
I was so brave
Risking life after life for that one real love
I loved the chase
And the getting caught
It made me feel so on fire
Invincible
I craved that part
Wanted that feeling
In a shot
So I could slam it under my paled skin
Right into a blue vien
Bulging with desire
I was so much more then
So many ideas
So many completions of them
Art, music, love, work, friends
And I cared for them too
I drank too much, loved too hard(if that is really a thing)and wrote late into the nights
Staying up until too late became early morning- creating worlds and feeling groggy at work
I was independent and self sufficient(all the things I am no longer)
And damn this old face that looks back at me in this harsh reflection
I don't want to accept her
I do not consent to this part of the journey
I want to go back
Let me go back
There is nothing up ahead
Aging gracefully is too far beyond me
Maybe the fighter is still inside me
I've lost so much
Sitting in this pile of dusty photographs
Feeling sorry for myself
I know I should be grateful
Part of me is...
For living such a full and unbridled life
Full of my passions and joys
But that is why
I prefer reverse
Instead of straight ahead
Oblivion is loneliness
And isolation
It is wrinkles and losing my vision
It is forgetting the words to the songs I wrote
And how to play the chords
Let me crawl under the skin of the photo paper
Into my history
Let me nest there
Safe but brave again
Because I cannot stand another day
Of this stranger's old face
Staring back at me
Dull-eyed
And dead on the inside.
©mmbftd203 12 13
- mmbftd @h3rhiddenteqrs_ thank you.
- mmbftd @meghana27 thank you so much.
- mmbftd @silentstorms
- mmbftd @soujji thank you...at least we know we are not alone.and these feelings come and go. Writing it out helps so much. Take care.
- mmbftd @amishra