32 poems I want to sing for him (poem 1:His Presence)
I wish you could feel,
how intensely liberating you are to me,
like the first smell of the morning touching the very depths of your skin
till every mint of my being is alive and burning afresh..
almost hypnotic to the rhythm of your heart,
everything seems to calmly fall into place
as do withered brown autumn leaves..
Can you feel it too?
the mushy nothingness,
the empty breathfulness,
the silent trials I face,
accepting the surreal love
am i worthy?
an incessant reverberation within me,
relaying every why and how
to newer,higher ebb and flows..
never to return to what it once was
will this last a tomorrow?
every fire exhausts,
every morning dawns into a sunset,
will this end too?
how long would you see me the way you do now,
how long till you quit this whimsical nonsense jeopardising your life,
what if u push me away and i come right back,
relentlessly,helplessly,wanting to be only yours..
to not exist,to not want anything else otherwise,
and as you hush me to newer simpler versions of me,
i can't help but think
with every tantalising little home of hopes and faiths i build in you,for you,with you
i crash a bit inside only to be reborn to be someone you'll love,
someone you'll be proud of,
a trophy you'll want to show off to everyone with gleaming eyes,
but il never be worthy enough..
i can never,
never,no matter how much i try,
be even half as astonishingly mersmerising as you are,
not an ounce,
not even a pinch,
you are too perfect,
no,this isn't me blinded by love,
because you see,
your smiles are my strength,
your voice is my melody,
you breath life into me,
and so,every disbelief i have,says,
if this is what your presence does to me,
i cannot fathom what your absence would do,
yet i will continue to love you
obsessively,beyond my capacity,
not because it builds me as much as it destroys me,
but because you are deserving of all things best and beautiful and all the love in the world,
and since i can't be good enough for you,
the least i can do is love you incoherantly.."
(dedicated to the love of my life, Yaser )