Less doubting more admitting
Last year I battled my way out of depression. I fought through my suicidal melancholy, the hopelessness, the helplessness, the fear, the feeling of defeat and loss. Even then, on the steps of recovery, I found myself doubting if I even had clinical depression. I wondered if my symptoms were strong enough. I wondered if I was truly sad enough to be considered depressed.
Today, I acknowledge to myself that it really was what it was. I allow myself to acknowledge the black and white that has made me me.
You ought to trust yourself more. You know more than you think you know.
We’ve all experienced that moment right before an important examination or interview, nervous with anxiety, doubting our knowledge, afraid our memory will fail us and then an hour or two later after that event, irrespective of whether things went exactly as we’d expected or hoped, we find ourselves in a more or less satisfactory position. It’s almost as if our future self just manages to find the strength, the will, the right words, the humour and what not when needed.
It’s futile then to worry so much about the future. The future you will always have more information than you posses now. Besides, what is yours will always be yours, you can count on your future self for that.
Don’t dwell in the horrors of your past or contemplate your future. But acknowledged it. Say it as it is. Keep your light alive. Continue having faith and hope. And then move on.