My life living with a mental illness.
I feel so left out, i hate being so alone
Aint nobody texting/calling/blowing up my phone.
Hardly feel the air, barely see the sun
& people be thinking that i think its fun.
Newsflash its far from great, i love spending time with my Pug, hes my only mate.
Cant even make new memories with my best friend
Constantly worrying about if this pain would ever end.
Besides that i miss out on seeing my family grow, also miss all the birthdays, celebrations & parties, that aint a good feeling y'know.
Before you judge me learn my story
Then you'll see things havent been so glory.
Once i was normal, never knew people could become this way,
I miss the old me, i wish she'd have stayed.
Its all of the past experiences which have made me hate myself for all that i am & who i see,
Life has pushed me to the point where i dont want to be.
Its sickening how people can make others so insecure and dont know the effect,
Well thanks to you people.. my head is completely wrecked.
I'm always tired & i wake up from sleep every hour
Y'know what is difficult? Having the energy and strength to take a shower.
I dont wear makeup, get dressed or do my hair,
I put on a facemask, lay down & listen to hypnosis, thats my self care.
No i dont work but believe me i wish that i could,
Who deserves to be alone with their thoughts all the time & lonely? Nobody should.
I hide from the world, i mostly sit in the dark
Struggle to do the things i used to, like walk my dog on the park.
Its horrible, not being able to see a future or look forward to any plans ahead,
Its just me, myself & my battle of trying everyday to get up and out of bed.
I'v tried therapy, many different medications & tablets & nothing has ever worked,
Anti depressents actually make me feel more depressed, how bizerk!?
I can feel myself fading away & all i can do is sit back and watch the days go by,
The sad thing is the world dont care if you cry.
I read about those who end their lives to end their struggle, those warriors in the sky, & i wonder if that will soon be me, am i destined to fly?
Just because i have had suicidal thoughts, tried things & self harmed doesnt mean i want to end my life, I would just like for this pain to end, i constantly feel like i'm being stabbed with a knife.
Now this is not for attention, its just to make people aware, choose your friends & loved ones wisely, dont let them be unfair.
Because this is what happens when you let people walk all over you & when you have a kind soul, they succeed in life & make it difficult for you to reach your all time goal.
I've had a mental illness for years & years now, yes my last ex made it the most severe for myself so i hope he took a bow.
Nobody will understand unless they experience this for themselves, its like picturing a shop full of empty shelves.
An empty room, a broken heart, nothing to smile about, nobody that likes me now, it tears me apart.
I always wonder what it was i did to deserve all this sorrow, as i think about that, i dread for tomorrow.
This isnt fun at all, i'm bored all the time, the only people who deserve to suffer are the ones who have commited a crime.
I miss visiting my family, i miss having friends & a guy who loves me for me, i dont know my way out & thats scary to see.
It doesnt even feel like i'm living, just feel like i exist.. lifes moving so fast, all those years/months & days that i've missed.
Its horrible, i would never wish for anybody to live in the dark like this,
So to those who think i enjoy myself.. are you taking the piss!?