I try not to burden people...
And yet I think of myself as such so often that my mentality becomes a burden,
An obstacle that prevents people from loving me
Because I live in a house
One door, no windows
I can't see who you are and what you want
So I lock the door...
Because my vision is my eyes and not my heart
And believe me;
There's nothing scarier than a friendly knock when you're not expecting anyone
And understand me,
I can't afford to trust sweet words and gifts
So forgive me,
'Cause I won't open up.
And no, I don't want you to take an axe and tear my door down
But I'd much rather have you banging on it,
Show me that you're not leaving,
Not leaving until I let you in.
No, this doesn't mean I want to be hated,
It just means that if I act as if I'm not there
It's because I'm not
I am asleep,
Living a nightmare inside my own head
And telling me all the ways in which I'm "beautiful" and "unique" won't wake me up,
But grabbing my shoulders and shaking me sure as hell will.
And sometimes hugs help
But other times I need more than that.
Other times, you'll need to squeeze the poison out of my brain
Let it spill onto the ground
Let me yell at nothing for no reason
And let me get angry at things that never mattered
I need to bang on my own door,
I forget how to open it,
My house is not dark
And maybe I don't lack windows,
Maybe I'm just blind
And I can't find my keys.