#narcissistic

49 posts
  • shewhokilledthelight 2w

    RAGE

    Cool waters cast with incandescent lies.

    Embers deftly posed in groans for empathy.

    Taking all to heal the none.

    How beautiful a reflection

    to fester such impassable woes.

    Easement to a final string,

    this knot will burn.

    ©shewhokilledthelight

  • katielady 2w

    The dance

    I have no sense of self
    Constantly I am seeking out others to help
    No self esteem, no empathy for me
    I seek to be seen
    For I need you to validate me
    Codependency is not what is seems
    Loving myself is nothing but a daydream
    Therefore I fear what you think of me
    Can you not see all the ways I try to please
    Do you not notice the way I feel means nothing to me
    I'm only seeking out the person you want me to be
    Oh wait, no you can't relate
    For your narcissistic traits have set the perfect bait
    You need me to validate you for all your self hate
    This is a set up, a mistake
    You see it as my job, I better not hesitate
    If I don't satisfy your needs it is I that you terminate
    It is my heart you lacerate, now opens the floodgate
    To find out this is a game you navigate
    Why, I've only been your playmate
    ©katielady

  • angels_halo_always_shines 5w

    Contradiction ~ I see you, all out in full force & stuff. Anything for to have the last damn word in. And during that time, I am fully convinced asking myself am I right? Yes, in fact I am. The contradiction adding up to.. he has no idea what the Hell he is even saying, he just wants to hear himself talk.
    ©angels_halo_always_shines

  • angels_halo_always_shines 5w

    Bravo!! Bravo!!

    In other news, a theatrical performance with a high chance of intolerable, narcissistic, unrealistic, and unimaginable ways to make my living days a Hell, that's inescapable. Making me wonder, what the Hell did I do to deserve this?
    ©angels_halo_always_shines

  • aaronmichael 5w

    Narcissistic victim

    When you speak you lie as if your life depends on it.
    You only acknowledge yourself and how you feel above all else.
    You play victim to a crime you committed and manipulate any witness.
    You tell yourself you were right in order to justify your wrongful actions, knowing better, you still don't consider the affect your attracting
    You cause pain to others but are so blind by your own hurt you refuse to admit it, instead you blame them for accepting it.
    Despite the love you see, you feel, and know is there, you tell the world nobody cares seeking love that is already here.
    You have got to be the most intelligent dumb ass i know, to play naive to what you know just to stick to a script or row.
    You set this pace for yourself and now there's no slowing it down, now you must finish what you started because there is no way out, unless
    You start to be honest with yourself like you do EVERYONE ELSE, you will only drown in your own sorrow with no one to help.

  • angels_halo_always_shines 6w

    Where I Went Wrong

    I am realizing more and more.
    Where I went wrong.
    How I went wrong.
    I tried to keep my broken family together for too damn long.
    Living with a narcissist, for 20 years.
    Prior to that, there was my mother,
    Narcissist to the bitter end.
    I am not sure if I thought it was acceptable to live that way.
    Or I am just an idiot.

    I have 4 kids,
    My oldest won't speak to me,
    Because of the narc husband.
    My youngest daughter, I see so much of me inside of her.
    It scares me.
    Well, she is with a jerk, and don't realize how special she is.
    I try not to get in the middle.
    It's really hard.
    I wish I could do it over and see all I see and feel now.
    That's not possible, I can only support her.
    I can't watch anymore of this.
    It is hurting me more and more.
    ©angels_halo_always_shines

  • angels_halo_always_shines 7w

    Narc

    At one time, there was such a thing as freedom. I see now, when freedom is taken away what it does to a person.
    Makes them feel helpless, hopeless, and living in fear. Fear of what will come next. When is the next explosion? No one never knows.
    When it all blows up is when it's known. And the it escalates way too fast. No, you can't have time to collect your thoughts. No you can't have time to just breathe. No, no, no. How dare you think you could. It's been that way for 20 long years. And I can't do it anymore. Hopefully he will still think he has won. That's always been what's most important. Winning or losing, for him. ALWAYS has to have the last word. Yea. I'm have grown tired of it all. He has corrupted my mind for years. And to think, I can just walk away, and be alright. It could happen. I just am not sure. I can do anything I put my mind to do. I'm sure of that. Only time will tell. I do know it's time to move on. I been knowing. And I felt stuck. Tired of all the manipulation, lies and him making everything up. That i know damn well, is not true. All to make me feel like I'm losing my mind. Not this time buddy.
    ©angels_halo_always_shines

  • akitis 13w

    Dear Parents,

    It was never about what I loved
    It was always about what you thought I should love

    It was never about what I needed
    It was always about what you thought I should need

    It was never about what made me happy
    It was always about what you thought should make me happy

    It was never a "Do you like it?"
    It was always a "You will like it"

    Why?

    ©akitis

  • curious_sammie 23w

    A shout-out to every single one of them who thinks it is completely okay to barge in and disrupt your mental peace!!

    #shoutout #mentalpeace #peace #fakers #liers #narcissistic

    Read More

    Take these thoughts away before they explode
    Like some suppressed balloon under the load
    In no time everything around will shatter
    And trust me, there won't be of you to gather
    To me, all the pieces will then prick and poke
    For you everything once again would just be a joke
    Once again I will start rebuilding my castle
    And you'd barge in, again, with your fake pastel
    But baby, this very time, I would be the one to keep an eye
    Cause this time we both know all your pretty little lies
    So try hard and leave no stone unturned
    There is long lost lesson for you to learn
    That baby not everything of mine is meant for you
    So know your limits and with all the rest join the queue!

    ©curious_sammie

  • angels_halo_always_shines 25w

    Trusting My Instincts

    As I am gathering information, I have plenty you see. Enough to know I was always enough for me. You made me think I wasn't enough for me. So, how could I be enough for anyone else? And then you point the finger at everyone, but yourself saying they are wrong. Did you think I was so damn dumb I would not figure it out? Did you put that into the equation? I bet not. That's where I would lay my money down, against me. As you ALWAYS have been. I gave you so MANY chances. To prove, my instincts were wrong. And then I was taught to trust my instincts. And then, that's when I realized I was right all along. You were no good for me. Your presence is not needed. Your approval of me is never needed. I am who I am. Nothing will change that. I feel the hate in your voice, the last time we talked. Oh, could I feel the hate. You know I often wish a person could see as I can. From all views, but with you, would it do any good? Or would you use that against me too? And its really sad. As I tell my story, other wonder why. Well, you are such a good person inside and out. I see your light shining so bright. Exactly. I won't let you dim my bright light again. And unfortunately this is the way it has to be. And I can't help what I feel. I feel this is all part of a viscous scheme of yours. When does it end? A narcissist, I have studied them, they don't ever think they are the problem. Always playing the damn victim. I don't have time for it. And I wont make time. It's really better off this way. I see there is no argument there. So it is only fair. Only I said my goodbye a long time ago. I knew when it was time to go.
    ©angels_halo_always_shines

  • soft_zephyr 28w

    NARCISSISTS

    Let’s play my broken dove

    Let’s play a new game

    Where I will force you to fly

    And you’ll keep taking blame

    I’ll pluck your useless feathers

    And leave you to cry in vain

    I will ignore your screams

    And you’ll keep praying like insane

     

    Come my beautifully broken dove

    You know how much I care

    I trust you’ll fulfill my dreams

    But only by crushing your soul I dare

    One day you’ll forget the pain

    And you will see only my truth

    That day you will be winner

    Or you have to die like a fool…


    ©soft_zephyr

  • mmbftd 29w

    Broken

    You broke me
    I remember it exactly
    Time and place
    The bedroom
    An email
    Where a mother's words
    Should have comforted me
    But now only wounded me
    Like a slithering viper's
    Puncturing strike
    Your fangs were always the longest
    Of all the family
    And so there
    In that bedroom
    At sunset
    While sunset colored those drab beige walls red
    My blood fell away from me
    And the moment punctuated my life
    Your venom spent
    Now moved from you
    Into my body
    Spreading in my veins
    Like the poison you have always spewed at me
    And it broke me
    Stole my future
    Any hopes I had
    Stole the baby in my womb
    Without a blink of your eye
    Never to apologize
    For your strikes
    And your jealousy seethed
    Inside you
    Churning round and up and down
    A sea of discontent
    As it has always been for you
    And stealing my life has never built your joy
    Yet you continue to step on my neck and hold me down
    I am controlled by your every decision
    A simple play thing
    As I have always been
    You broke me
    And I remember the exact moment
    Where for weeks I could not bear to rise up from my bed
    Hopeless and in fear
    Waiting for your next strike
    I broke
    And any vibrancy or joy I had
    Drained out of me as your venom dissolved it inside me
    Like an acid ball in my stomach
    Bile in my throat
    Night terrors of you and daddy killing me
    And my brothers
    I'm always powerless against you
    And now, 10 years later
    Lots more venom has moved inside me
    Many more strikes have come and hurt me
    And it's no surprise I am broken
    Although I spend so much time inside my mind dreaming of the day I will become whole again
    As times moves forward without me
    Still I remain sad and broken
    Bits of life seep into me here and there
    And I have forgotten
    Motivation and drive
    I have forgotten
    Health and vitality
    I have forgotten
    Romance and passion
    I have forgotten
    Tidyness and cleanliness
    Everything is a chaotic mess
    My home mimics my mind
    Jumbled and fumbled and disintegrations
    I'm old now-
    Just like you mother.
    When do you lose your will to sting and strike?
    When can I stand on your viper neck?
    If not to hurt you
    To only subdue
    Your violence of black heart and stone mind
    When do the broken become whole?
    Why must it be once you have aged and withered and shrunk away from your manipulations?
    When time has twisted you into lost memories and confusion?
    You are fading
    Though I cannot help you
    Much as I would
    even though you have hurt me so profoundly
    I would help
    Because I'm obligated
    Because I watched you do it for your own mother
    But I cannot utter those words
    That you NEED some help
    For fear of another strike to my barely pulsing veins.
    In your decline
    I'm still powerless
    And that is just the way you planned it
    To maximize my suffering
    If only I was younger
    and healthier-
    I could run away like before when the happiest days were the ones I spent living the most miles from you
    But I can't
    I'm stuck
    Feeling powerless
    With a man who is starting to remind me of you
    Who blinded me with lovely words and gentle kisses on my forehead
    And all I searched for in this life was someone to love who loved me back
    Without any motives
    For the purity
    of companionship and shared dreams.
    But I am broken
    And my pieces are scattered far apart
    In this house
    Under piles of projects I once was so inspired by
    Hidden in piles of laundry
    Under clothes I'll never wear because I only leave this house twice a month
    if I'm lucky.
    I'm broken
    Under the weight of pain
    Mental and physical
    Drowning in the putrid waters of toxic people looking for a nip at my heart
    So they can rejoice in my pain.
    I am broken
    I'll never be the same
    And I remember the exact moment it happened
    As the sunset turned my bedroom walls red.
    And your words destroyed me.
    ©mmbftd

  • madwrites 32w

    Trust me nobody cares

  • eboniivaationalblackrosebony 32w

    Trust Within

    Don't ever depend on trusting others before you.

    Never be dependent on trust unless it's yours.

    You can't trust anyone else if you can't trust yourself.

    That's a no-no.

    Carry your life in your own hands.

    This is a priority, not a decision to think about.


    If it's not your hands that are wide open to secure "you", no one else should have that privilege. Trusting "you" is a must before anything.

    ~Ebony Bear

  • eboniivaationalblackrosebony 32w

    Scarred Soul

    Physically; Stronger

    Mentally; Unstoppable

    Verbally; Brutally Honest

    Emotionally; Solemnity

    All The Above; Solidarity


    ~Ebony Bear

  • ruhanee 34w

    ME FIRST

    At times we need
    to put "Me first";
    and that is not
    selfishness or
    narcissism.
    That is just
    Self-preservation.

    Because if you
    don't preserve
    yourself, nobody
    else will.


    ©ruhanee

  • _riggy_ 34w

    Sometimes the most toxic rumours come from the closest Source in order to manipulate others to segregate you.


    ©_riggy_

  • yaish_ 37w

    She covered her scars and
    wounds just by wearing a
    mask on her face...faking a
    smile and happiness to hide
    her tears and pain from the
    narcissistic world..

    ©yaish_

  • ruhanee 43w

    Atheist or religious??

    In my opinion, it is okay to be an atheist if one chooses to be so.

    But, it is certainly NOT okay to be unkind, manipulative, merciless, indifferent and narcissistic, in the name of religion!

    As long as one is a good human being, does it really matter whether one is an atheist or is religious?


    ©ruhanee

  • mmbftd 36w

    Pressed

    My mother taught me
    How to press flowers
    Into heavy hardbound
    College books.
    She carried those textbooks like armor
    A shield against my father's
    Control.
    She blossomed in college
    Found her place there
    Among Dusty library shelves
    Buried in research
    Learning all she could
    Making friends who spoke her mother tongue.
    Spanish would lead her to her freedom, she tucked it under her battered wings
    And held it dear
    A never ceasing gift
    From the island she was born on.
    And her handstitched quilt
    Pieced together by her own Cuban mother
    Spread out over the sharp and itchy blades of summer green grass
    Burnt orange and yellow-gold cordouroy fabrics forced together in tiny squares of dizzying patterns.
    Just like my parents
    Forced together by their own desperate need to be loved by someone, anyone, at any cost, regardless of whether they fit or not. Did their individual pieces create a loving whole?
    And they smashed into each other often
    Struggling for power and control
    We were part of the games
    Us kids
    Tugged and shoved and pushed and loved and punished for the way we carried their genes.
    We wore the expressions, mannerisms and skin of them
    And reminded them of each other.
    We were punished accordingly, though our genetics were not our fault-
    and it took many years to realize we were resented because we resembled replicas of the people they once loved...each other.
    I wore the mask of my father's mistakes and so, my mother assumed I was his copy.
    I was not.
    I was good and kind and timid and loving. I was sweet and gentle and honest to a fault- even if it meant my body would be welted by that thick, black leather belt or raised red with the shape of my mother's tiny angry hands.
    It confused me for so many years. I was confounded as to why she hated me so much even as she professed her maternal love in front of others. Her surprising hugs that startled me in public as she gloated to strangers how I was her favorite child and how much talent I had. I must have betrayed her ruse, as I flinched when her arms came towards me and my eyes widened with shock as she told them what a perfect daughter I had always been. This was the most surprising thing I had ever heard from her usually pursed lips. Her familiar scowl of anger, the grating tone of hatred and disgust carried by her voice, completely vanished. Then there was this soft, kind spoken, inauthentic high pitched avalanche of compliments hurled around me. Such confusion for me. This dichotomy.
    And yet I remember her happy for moments...anytime we were on campus. Me dragged from class to class, sitting quietly outside the room, in the sunlight with a paper Dixie cup scooping fast guppy fish from a small fountain in the courtyard. I sat obediently. It felt like a whole day. I was so bored but I knew better than to speak it. I would have been accused of trying to ruin all her plans for an education. But each time she screamed at me; she was really screaming at him; my father. I was an innocent casualty of marital war.
    And yet, her gentle and real tone was only in the very early years of my life...on that quilt. As she pointed to beautiful and strange violet-white flowers that fell from the tree and twisted in spirals to the grass around us. A summertime breeze of perfect temperature filled our noses with a too sweet, burning floral scent.
    And I ran here and there, wherever she would point her delicate fingers and collected these strange flowers for her. I ran them to her in my cupped child hands; hoping she would be satisfied. She would open a heavy book that smelled of hope and freedom, placing it between the stiff pages filled with yellow highlighted text. She closed the book and held it tightly. She pressed it down hard the way she did to me my whole life, the way my father did to her. And we both hoped we would find those flowers someday, beautifully preserved by the weight of our love.
    ©mmbftd