Robotics of my life
I cant be myself I must remain robotic.
Translate the messages in my head oh so demotic.
Tasking my brain to engage my fucking veins.
So I can once again scratch out my problems on a blank page.
The words that I speak dont ever matter.
The ink I bleed ends up just useless ink splatters.
Those unlegible scribbles of my twisted mind.
But I do it again and again, time after time.
On paper I can be human and not so robotic.
Feeling human once more, I had kinda forgot it.
Then reality sets in, my minds thoughts sky rocket.
I hurry to conceal them back into my pockets.
The sad simple meaning of the robotics of my life.
Means I never do what I want, I only do what is right.
Not complaining, just my thoughts, Im not consumed by greed.
Just someone so lost without even the bare necesities one needs.
You see today Im 30 but Ive been home all night and day.
I guess I could blame covid but Ive so much more to say.
I was paralyzed before the pandemic.
From lifes fucking options that shit thats systemic.
So I dont celebrate those suppose to be special days.
I just stay in overdrive and try to make a better way.
Wish I was joking but sadly I mean it.
Defeat of depression has me fucking anemic.
Itd be no secret to reveal.
Ive more than missed a few meals.
But imma be real.
This is the only deal.
So Ill make it till im dead.
Ill take all the pain, all the killing thoughts in my head.
See Ill miss every meal and still find a way.
To provide you one more on any and every day.
See my needs and wants are just foolish endeavours.
Like me trying to fly without wings or the feathers.
Though today....I wanted to share just one simple smile.
Maybe even a laugh, its been quite awhile.
But reality sets in, forced again to do whats right.
So I day dream as I reboot myself for the robotics of my life.
Tired, but tediously tasking myself with treachery of three fucking types.
Physically exerting myself without energy to replenish.
Mentally starve myself, hiding every black and blue blemish.
Silence the stellar nature of my sweet salty soul.
Remember being a robot and not human ever, that is my role.