People and Conversations
Dated September 27th, 2018, I remember writing this as a way to talk myself out of everything I was feeling at the moment. I needed to converse, but the conversations I had with other people are either shallow and unfulfilling or just plain emotionally-draining.
Re-reading it now, it's just sad. Half of it because I could see now how none of the writings helped back then, and half of it because it's almost been a year –and I haven't got past most of it.
I may not know how to clearly describe what I felt back then, but here's a glimpse of how my conversations with people went. I could still feel it in my ears and my throat –suffocating, dry, and far than the word pleasant. It has sat inside one of my folders under the name "People and Conversations", and it took me this long to have the guts to open the file once more –for I remember writing it and got hurt the moment I did.
“You’re like, the happiest person I’ve ever met.” / “WELL you haven’t met my little sister!”
“Geez! I wonder if people like you ever get sad.” / “Sad? What’s that –some kind of food?”
“What do you do on weekends?” / “slEEP and gET fAT and dO fulfilling thINGS”
“Try talking to someone close to you.” / “The ones who understand don’t care, and the ones who don’t, well –just won’t get it.”
“How about seeking professional help?” / “And get scripted answers and get prescribed pills to tackle the problems’ outer layer? I did.”
“You complain too much. Complaining about everything won’t get you anywhere.” / “Sorry”
“Get over it yourself. You’re an adult for God’s sake” / “Okay”
“I get it.” / “You don’t.”
“No, really. I get it.” / “Okay.”
“Have you ever tried listening to music?” / “I don’t get how this is relevant, but yes”
“Well, how about exercising?” / “Regularly.”
“Give it time.” / “How long?”
“Just, stay positive, think happy thoughts” / “Okay”
“Look at you –what’s the need to feel like that anyway? You should really take some time to be grateful.” / “Sorry”
“No, seriously, other people had it worse.” / “I know.”
“It’s all in your head.” / “I know.”
I would like to use this opportunity as a way to tell you about how bad toxic positivity could affect someone's well being.
Please, people. Please.
If you don't have something pleasant to say, just keep it all in. Sometimes it's better to be heard with no response than to be given harsh ones just because the other party feels the obligation to say "something positive" and to prove some points.