It’s been a full year since they took my choice from me.
One year since my final battered string snapped.
One year since I lost all my hope, and my trust;
My light and my senses,
My fight, and...
Though my body tried to tell me this day was approaching,
I was afraid... and pretended not to notice its warning.
Of course it didn’t work!
Of course it made things worse!
My anxiety rose,
My panic won out.
I sat in my car, all my calls dropping.
I fumbled about before letting it all drown me.
I shook, and I sobbed-
While gasping for air.
I searched and I wondered what my life had in store.
Then I drove down the freeway, and pondered it all.
Aware of my speed,
And the wind blowing through my hair.
My music was blaring, and my mind finally clear!
I thought back, over this last horrid year.
I thought of my fog, and of my lack of fear.
I remembered my plummet,
And the place I had landed was all too clear.
I remembered even hell seemed better than this!
And just how close I was to taking that trip.
Then I took a deep breath,
And went even further.
And that’s when I realized:
IT’S ONLY BEEN! ONE! YEAR!
In the span of a year,
My whole outlook has changed.
In the span of ONE YEAR!
I’ve beaten so much pain!
My life fell apart! I’d lost so many things!
Only eight months ago! I almost ended!
I’m still here...
My heart... is still beating.
My lungs... still filling with air...
My life is... Improving!
My strength... Is still here!
Twelve months ago I started getting help for the pain they had caused.
Months after that, I was still in that fog.
The time there is blurry, mingled, and meshed;
But one thing is clear:
It’s a fucking year later!
AND BITCHES! I’m still fucking here!
Yes! Today’s been painful!
Yes! It’s been a Hell of a year!
But looking back again!
I’ve realized just how strong and powerful I really am!
I’ve battled countless demons!
I’ve fallen to multiple monster’s hands and way too many fears!
I may have lost my footing and traveled past all solid ground.
I’d been consumed by flames for so long, I’d nothing left to burn.
Without fully realizing, I finally just...
The fire consumed me, and... somehow-
I took back control...
I may have fallen in many battles, I may have lost countless fights;
But I’ve emerged from my ashes, and consumed my own flames!
I’ve beaten more armies; I’ve won countless wars!
My enemies are retreating! Terrified of the warrior they ensured was reborn!