Mirakee
The Battle of Depression
Depression has been a great partner, it seems most of my adolescent years into my adulthood. I wish I could understand a little more than I do, as to why. Some say it's your surroundings. Some say it's your genetic variation. And me, what do I say? I don't really care the reason why, just go away. I have isolated myself from everyone, besides my husband, and 3 of my 4 children. It really amazes me that I was able to be a good mother to them, despite what I was feeling. I fought hard to do so. They see that, know I have been fighting this battle, it's really no secret.
I can say that they gave me a reason to live, when I felt I couldn't anymore.
To push forward, and get through it, because that was the only choice I had.
~
I am thankful for the years I had with them, making my days bright. When they were little, watching them play. In their own imagination. Sometimes they would get lost in play. As I sat and watched them do so. I miss them being little. Growing up was bound to happen.
~
I am thankful for the all the wonderful years I had with each of them. I am thankful they directed my attention elsewhere besides on how I felt at times. Now, I see just how much that helped. Directing my attention elsewhere, that's the key. For depression. I finally understand. See, i have went the medicine route. And that is no longer an option.
~
For anyone suffering from depression, stay busy, and direct your attention on things you enjoy. For me it's writing, reading and listening to music. Ask yourself what keeps your mind occupied? And do that. I am not saying go have 4 children, because it occupied my mind. I don't advise it. I just used that as to how I figured out how to fight my own battle. Which I had to do on my own. That's ok. I did figure it out.
~
I hope this helps someone who fights the battle of depression. My heart goes out to you. Keep fighting. Don't give up, find what directs your mind off of your illness. And always hold on to hope, to want to get better. In time, you will see results. Mind you I am 42, it has taken me many years to figure this out. Love yourself. You got this, I promise. ❤
©angels_halo_always_shines
#ptsd
663 posts-
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painbody
this body knows of such pain
hurt
upon hurt
upon hurt
upon hurt
and yet so faint are the scars
©ulalume -
Big Bad Wolf
Open your eyes girl, tell me what do you see. Don't close your eyes so much, for that is when it starts to get shade. Keep your eyes open, and focused. Don't have to let the dark in. Too much darkness leads to seeing your worst nightmare. Flashes of his gun in his glovebox. Hey girl, it's just a bad nightmare. He is not touching you.
Open your eyes girl, the big bad wolf is looking upon you, while you cringe. Open your eyes girl, wake up. You see his face, forcing himself upon you. Save yourself while still can girl. Fight with all you have. Everything is blurry, and turning black. You drank too much girl. And took 1 too many pills. Now, you are his prey, as he is the predator.
Nothing you can do but wait till it all over. I know you wanna throw up girl. It's all ok now. Wake the hell up, you are just in a repeating scene in your mind girl. Look around, you are safe and sound in your bed. No big bad wolf. No one preying on you, like a starving animal needing food. Take a good look around you are safe. No big bad wolf. It's over now.
©angels_halo_always_shines19 6 2
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angels_halo_always_shines
@dreama it is a recurring nightmare, of reliving that night. I wish it wasn't either.
Yes my weekend hasn't been too bad. Hope yours is a good one too. ❤️ - dreama Oh, I am so sorry! It was troubling to me like one of my experiences. You did a great job scaring!
- angels_halo_always_shines @dreama this is the after effects of being drugged and raped. And then reliving in nightmares. Did not mean to scare you. I wish I hadn't been drinking that night. He knew he could overpower me, and he did. I don't remember it. I just see bits and pieces in nightmares. What's worse. Idk.
- dreama Hope you are feeling better♥️ That's a horrible thing to happen to ANYONE!! ❤️❤️ Phone about to die, later, ok!
- angels_halo_always_shines @dreama I am better today. Thank you. You have a great day!!! Talk to you later.
-
angels_halo_always_shines
@dreama it is a recurring nightmare, of reliving that night. I wish it wasn't either.
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This Is My Damn Life
I'm sorry I've been so cold
I am just so tired
My life comes first
I do not display my actions for your criticism
Opinions of others do not matter
When it comes to my life
Say what you will
But if you knew who I was years back
You would stand back with applause
Saying "damn she can kick ass"
©darkness_within -
Abusive narcissist exes
Be like "I gave you the world"
Half as's fucked manipulative assh*le
You gave me PTSD.
©i_thecurvysowl15 5 1
- a_social_animal True
- i_thecurvysowl @a_social_animal very much
- i_thecurvysowl @lit_spear Me Too,
-
hurts
feeling nothing
but everything
at once...
is the worst
possible feeling
someone
can feel
©xaaronmichaelx -
Etched In My Bones
It's said that time heals all wounds.
I wonder, does it really though?
All I have had, is time.
I am far from healed.
My wounds are on the inside,
So you don't see them.
My wounds have been carefully placed.
By many, over the years, it adds up.
Feeding on my pain, and sorrow.
Content with eating me alive.
My healing process, stagnant.
My thought process, overbearing.
I tried to wear my crown.
It was pulling me down.
Night time comes, so does the terrors.
Dreading sleep, careful not to avoid it.
Mr. Sandman is not my friend.
He says he will be my friend till the end.
Mr. Sandman makes sure I'm not alone.
A constant reminder of that one night.
The muted screaming is getting louder.
The self inflicted covers are shedding.
Soon, I won't be able to hide you.
Seems so overpowering.
I will keep fighting till my last days.
Telling myself it's just a phase.
Knowing damn well it's not.
A nightmare here to stay a lifetime.
Carefully etched in my bones.
That is what I have left of myself.
I have been torn down before. Gotten up and tore down the walls.
Realizing I am free, he has no hold now.
I am not his prisoner now, I am free.
©angels_halo_always_shines17 2 3
- sweetlittlebirdie Wow, very nicely penned.
- angels_halo_always_shines @sweetlittlebirdie Thank you!!
-
wounded_soul_
4w
Read More#depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #sad #love #ptsd #bipolar #depressed #selfcare #suicide #stress #selflove #mentalhealthmatters #healing #recovery #pain #therapy #health #bpd #life #motivation #quotes #sadness #trauma #broken #suicideprevention #alone #bhfyp #nature #love #travel #friendship #inspiration #life #poetry #thoughts #diary
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wounded_soul_
4w
Read More
#depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #sad #love #ptsd #bipolar #depressed #selfcare #suicide #stress #selflove #mentalhealthmatters #healing #recovery #pain #therapy #health #bpd #life #motivation #quotes #sadness #trauma #broken #suicideprevention #alone #bhfyp #nature #love #travel #friendship #inspiration #life #poetry #thoughts #diary
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14 2 2
- sangfroid_soul It happens. It is. Reality
- wounded_soul_ @sangfroid_soul yes it is my present situation
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angels_halo_always_shines
4w
Read MoreSometimes, when it's dark on the inside, with so much pain, you eventually have to let the light come in. If not you will wallow in your own insecurities and delusional world.
I think that is what I have done. And let me tell you, it's not so pretty. I get lonely a lot, but I have grown accustomed to the solitude I created all on my own. I used to have a fear, of loneliness. That fear is now gone.
Sadness, has entered my body, through a lifetime full of depression.
I keep wishing it away, it just won't budge. Manifested deep inside my bones, making clones of their own. Buried so deep all I can do is attempt to say I'm ok, when really everything within me is broken. Broken beyond repair, despair it's always been there. There is a sorrow that burns from the inside. Why won't it just find a new place to hide? I am convinced I am not doing something right. I am tired. I fight it, but there's no use. Depression wins over all. Victory after victory. Day after day. Year after year. Many days I don't want to leave my bed, perfectly content under my blanket. Sleeping in a fully medicated state. Sleeping used to make the pain bearable. Now, I fear going to sleep. The nightmares come alive then. Reliving the Hell in full fledged misery. How much trauma can a person take in a lifetime?
I don't want anyone sad for me. This is an ongoing battle. I may be stronger and a better person. More understanding on many levels of perception. This is something I have gotten used to. The agony, the self hatred you think that happens over night? I am here to tell you it's taken many years to perfect such behaviors.
The manifestations, are very complex in the battles they present me with.
I try to have hope, a little hope can go a long way. Not this time around.
#depression #ceesreposts #ohiowriter #ptsd #manifestations #empath #empathmind #writersofmirakee #writerstolli #mirakeeapp #writersnetwork #writers #sadness #despair #nightmaresLifelong Manifestations
©angels_halo_always_shines11 6 1
- angels_halo_always_shines @saivarma Thank you
- brian0767 Please don't think I am being insensitive but can you not seek out help and the correct medication to treat your depression? I believe in modern medicine, counseling and meds...when needed.
- angels_halo_always_shines @brian0767 I am on medication. I need more help, like a therapist. And I am finding one now. You are right. Thank you for sharing your honest opinion. Sometimes people need to hear the truth.
- dreama @angels_halo_always_shines, So uplifted concerning your progress. Yes, therapy can help a lot, and know the true people who care for you, not fakes! ♥️♥️♥️
- angels_halo_always_shines @dreama yes, I agree with you. I basically stay with family now. To myself. That is the bottom line. Seems most want to see me fall than rise.
-
yellowroses
4w
Eyes in sleep
As I shut my eyes to sleep
And thought my mind doth creep
Memories flock towards mine eyes
And flood mine soul in heavy cries
I seek no more from thine mental raid
Please I beg of thee to final'y fade
To the nothingness a forgotten state
Yet haunted my past mine sorry fate
Give me freedom, you give me none
This, my torture under lifes burning sun
This a weary worn plate of thought
Given greif to feed on, one by one
No more I beg of thee no more, away
Alas stab'd my mind stay'd sore I sway.
©yellowroses -
How long does it take, for a person with P.T.S.D. to get through life, normally after trauma?
I find myself thinking it over and over.
Never knowing the answer.
It suppose it could take weeks, years, decades.
Perhaps never.
I try to think I'm fine.
Not working.
I hope I'm fine.
I'm not.
Tired of saying I'm fine,
Cuz I'm not.
So far from fine.
©angels_halo_always_shines14 2 3
- sweetlittlebirdie You are such an inspiration and beautiful soul.
- angels_halo_always_shines @sweetlittlebirdie thank you so much
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Raped
I wish the sun shined at night,
so I couldn’t go to sleep.
The nightmares of rape I fight and fight;
But into my unconscious mind they seep.
I thrash around and cry the whole night through,
so I’d much rather just stay awake.
Can’t seem to stop these nightmares of you
And wonder how much more I can take.
Will these nightmares ever go away?
When will what you did stop haunting me?
Will I ever be able to stop crying?
When will I stop being raped in my sleep?
Since it happened nothing has changed.
And I keep hoping I won’t be his victim until I die.
I’m constantly in fear of the terror that remains
And can’t stand myself because all I do is cry.
Stacey Welsh
©the_village_poet -
mahee_ki_siyahi
5w
Read More#stress #anxiety #mentalhealth #depression #health #wellness #burnout #selfcare #stressrelief #mindfulness #meditation #motivation #relax #healing #stressmanagement #love #coaching #mentalhealthawareness #wellbeing #life #cbd #happy #ptsd #selflove #fitness #s #follow #healthy #mindset #bhfyp #pod
Irony
Earned billions !!!
to chill...
Now
Stressing out with...
Antidepressants pills ||
©माही -
angels_halo_always_shines
5w
Read More
#depression #mentalillness #mirakee #ceesreposts #mirakeeworld #writersofmirakee #empath #empathmind
#ptsd #thankful #blessed #inspiration #thoughts #life #diary #motivation #motivational #dontgiveup #goforward #dontlookback #believeinyou #strength #spiritual #blessing #writersnetwork #writerstolli #mirakeewriters #ohiowriterOn the Horizon
At times I think, and wonder what has gotten me to this point. I think to myself strength, trust and believing my guides are here with me directing me.
~
I sure could not have done this all on my own.
I do believe in a higher power.
I call out to my Angel's and feel they do answer me.
They must.
~
I am a free spirit, old soul and love writing.
I love sun shiny days, with bright blue skies.
I love my family, and would do anything in my power to protect them.
~
As the story goes on, the point is, I have been very blessed.
I fight depression tooth and nail.
At times it has gotten me down.
It just says to me, fight harder, and I do.
That's the only thing I would change.
The depression.
Please let it go away.
Then again, I would not be me, without it instilled in my mind.
~
So, I say to anyone struggling, it's never fun.
Keep yourself going forward, even if you have to build a path yourself.
Tell yourself, you got this, believe in you when no one else does.
Be thankful you are alive.
Better days are on the horizon.
In your darkest of days, you will make it.
I promise.
I know I live it everyday.
I believe in you.
You got this!!!!
©angels_halo_always_shines12 6 2
- angels_halo_always_shines @blueeyedfather Thank you very much!!
- blueeyedfather You're my hero... lol
- angels_halo_always_shines @blueeyedfather That works lol
- dreama Truly beautiful, inspiring! ❤️
- angels_halo_always_shines @dreama thanks so much
-
deadfireflies_
5w
Read MoreEver since people
started leaving me
I looked at the sun
Only to realise how
The darkness has befriended
Me since ages now. Like Ages.
Like it's my only comfort zone
now I'm only alive and breathing.
Alive.
And.
Breathing.
Breathing inside the water.
Suffocating.
Dying.
With no air in my lungs I've been
Travelling and building homes
in people, these faces. Unfamiliar.
Who stab me with knives every time
I've been bleeding in silence.
I've been bleeding tears.
Ever since people
Started hurting me
I looked at the sun
Only to realise how
The darkness has befriended
Me since ages now. Like Ages.
Like it's my only comfort zone
now I'm only alive and breathing.
Alive.
And.
Breathing.
Breathing inside the water.
Suffocating.
Dying.
©the_dark_fireflies
#worldissues #tragedy #introspection #depression #Mentalhealth #Mentalillness #Ptsd #quotes #read #wordporn #writerscommunity #blogger #microfiction #storytelling #stories #poetry #thoughts @mirakee @mirakeeworld @writersnetwork.
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deadfireflies_
5w
Read More
So this part of my house,
no one's been in it for years
I built the safe room and
I don't let no one in there
'Cause if I do, there's a chance that
they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared
to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to
open up but this door's not
'Cause I don't want you to have
the opportunity to hurt me
And I'll be the only person that
I can blame when you desert me
I'm barricaded inside so stop watching
I'm not coming to the door so stop knocking,
stop knocking
I'm trapped here,
God keeps saying I'm not locked in..
I'm not coming to the door so
stop knocking, stop knocking..
~Mansion (NF)
___________________________________________________
Picture credits~ Pinterest
#depression #mentalhealth #PTSD #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #thoughts #poetry #diary.
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Those That Struggle
In this spiteful world of chaos, it seems a daily struggle just to get through the days. To get out of bed, not saying, forget not today. Most days are an ongoing battle for me. Not many get it. Those that struggle, like me get it.
I tend to sleep way too much. I could sleep for days, and not mind a bit. Either medicated or unmedicated. Both work for me. I try to think positive. Trying to stay positive is another battle in itself.
Those that struggle, like me get it.
Forcing myself to go to family functions, when it doesn't really matter if it is family or not. I just need a break from people. Some days I just can't do it.
Those that struggle, like me get it.
To the ones that are struggling like me, do what you can when you can. And it's pointless for many to understand, the them it's an excuse. No need to explain yourself either. That's what I have learned.
Nothing turns out quite like we want it to.
©angels_halo_always_shines13 13 2
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mikeanthony
@angels_halo_always_shines
Well I guess u have to try fine a time to get through on ur own..but it's real breakthrough to realise u do need help and make steps to get this.Ita a massive breakthrough....so it's a good thing.. - angels_halo_always_shines @mikeanthony yes, I really is. I will find a doctor really soon. And I will get better. I have to. I help others so much, you know that's way I do. I forget about self healing. And doing what I need for me. And put me first. This time it has to be that way. Then later continue to help others. It will be ok.
-
mikeanthony
@angels_halo_always_shines
I can relate to this most definitely...
Yes the time has come to re learn how to both love and take care of yourself.It will feel strange but fight for yourself coz orhers may try and make demands on u when u should be looking after urself..persevere ok u can do this..
Continually being broken all the time is not what u were born for. - angels_halo_always_shines @mikeanthony yes, you are exactly right. I'm tired of being broken all the time. Yea, strange at first, I will get used to it though. I'm sure of it.
-
mikeanthony
@angels_halo_always_shines
Yea loving yourself can even seem selfish coz it so unfamiliar....but as u said u will get used to it once you taste the sweet Benefits of it.
-
mikeanthony
@angels_halo_always_shines
-
cotton candy skies remind me
of how sweet the promises
against your lips taste like
and how forever feels when you
hold me close.
it's not even 5 and my body
is ready to shut down,
but you pick me back up,
and tell me everything will be okay.
you make the world seem
less scary when i see my demons
and don't know how to
face them.
@m.a.rivers_poetry -
angels_halo_always_shines
6w
Read More
Well, low and behold I done went and let it all out. This should be fun. When they know, from my last post... they will know. I suppose I couldn't keep that hidden forever. I did try, to conceal it. I cut everyone out my life. I had to. It was simple, either tell everyone, and be judged. Or keep it to myself. I chose to keep it to myself. That my friend, will eat you alive. No matter what it is. I got lucky. I made it out alive, which who knows how. Some women do not. Being raped is not easy to overcome, like some seem to think. I was lucky, on the part he drugged me. And I blacked out. So I don't have those visions. But still I know it happened. It was a choice I made, to leave with him. A very, very bad choice. That's my nightmare. I did not wanna tell a bunch of people, and bullets with my name start flying. The struggle is real. Slowly, I will continue to heal, the best way I know how. Through writing, and writing more. And then when I get tired of writing, write more. I still wish I could get out of this town, nightmares and bad memories are planted here. The seeds grow and grow, until the roots then grab a hold of you. Once the roots have you, that's where it's all down hill.
#sexualassault #rape #dateraped #writersnetwork #writerstolli #ptsd #writersofmirakee #mirakee #mirakeeworld #ceesreposts #empath #empathmind
#letitout #readwriteunite #truestoryThe Growing Seeds
©angels_halo_always_shines11 3 1
- dreama @angels_halo_always_shines, oh my dear, I am saddened you had to experience this, but you are very strong, always remember this:)
- angels_halo_always_shines @dreama I appreciate your kind words. I just need to heal. I really don't know where to begin that process. Or how to even begin.
- dreama I just tagged you...anyway, support groups can sometimes be helpful, try this?
