This night moves on me rapidly.
I am alone.
Alone is always preferred.
I desire solitude, I embody it.
Yet fear it's heavy air and iron grip.
It pains me, yet it soothes me.
Hiding in darkness, disarray,
In my drained and battered body.
Confined inside my own mind.
Effort made to demolish my past
To burn it all, ash and soot.
This desire for my healing.
I will not give up....
Yet I must admit, the reality of this...
I will find no comfort on this night.
Like many nights preceding this one.
My length of rope is getting shorter.
I sleep in restless rounds.
Never really sleeping.
One night this weight will lift.
One night this long battle will be won.
One night the ash will settle.
Sadly, that is not this night.