“Rhea girl, we have to stop meeting like this,” i tell myself as I look in the mirror. I took a kleenex and dried my tear stained eyes along with a little of the residue from the eyeliner that I had on previously. “ You always end up in here.” I whisper while telling myself that things will get better. However, i couldn’t help but to wonder if I would always end up in the bathroom with makeup streaming down my face. Growing up, I knew loving boys would be difficult, but I didn’t anticipate that loving a man would be even harder. As a woman,I want to be desired for the lady that I am deep inside. While the world is filled with plastic dolls, I sit in the corner collecting dust like a porcelain doll, hiding her worth. Boys either pass by and knock me over because they are clueless of my value and ultimately naive to my very being. If it weren’t the careless boys it was the careful man who notice my worth but didn’t dare come near me, in fear he’d break me. He didn’t understand someone like me so he’d pass me by. Little did he know, that denying me a chance to shine, was in fact breaking me.
The makeup is off me now and I began to undress. I submerge myself in warm water as I try to close my eyes. “ why do you always try to find the best in people? “ I mumbled.” You just have to accept, there are monsters out there that you cannot save. The more you open yourself up to them in efforts of saving them-you risk becoming a beast yourself. All these scars are changing you.” A tear slides down my cheek as I slip beneath the water. I thought about not coming back up for air, but that would be the coward’s way. I see the ceiling from down under, as I search through all of my ridged jaded memories. I know there’s still a pure part of me left inside somewhere. I know she’s there,she’s not gone yet. Maybe she can save me. I dig deeper inside the darkest part of me, and ironically I know the purest part of me is there. I cannot undo the damage I’ve caused but maybe I can sever this curse. Maybe my heart can heal and ultimately and finally find it’s other half. Maybe at last I don’t have to silence my heart.
I closed my eyes once more right before I run out of air. I concentrate on the last place that I saw the carefree Rhea.I try to go over everything in my mind. That was when I saw her. She had been hiding away for so long-her very memory is imperfect. I can’t focus too much on the details but I see her smiling. I reached deep within and grabbed her and came back out of the water. I spit the water out and suddenly looked around.I wasn’t in my tub anymore and was wearing a bathing suit. I then realized that I was in the ocean...next to a beach. I looked all around me. I stood up out of the water, and saw some familiar strangers. “Rhea! Here’s your phone..I turned around just when someone threw it at me.” I caught it and quickly recognized the old beat up cell.” I remember you.” I whispered.” I flipped it open and gasped at the dates,” March 2012”. I took a step back. So, this is where she’s been. “ Rhea you are back” someone asked.” Yes. I am here to find the purest, and most beautiful part of me. The part of me that is still alive.