VICTIM OF RAPE.
VICTIM OF RAPE..
I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.
It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.
Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?
What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.
It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.
My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.
The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.
My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.
As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.
I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.
And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.
Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.
But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.
Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.
I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.
Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.
Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.
I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.
I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.
Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.
The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.
TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.
Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.
It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.
I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.
After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.
We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.
I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.
WHY? WHY?? WHY???
All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.
Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.
In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.
Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.
Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.
I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).
I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.
Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.
Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.
After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.
I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.
She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.
To be continued.....
I'm Winnie making impact.
I say NO to rape.
I say NO to suicide.
Yes to freedom in Christ.
I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.
I Write, Speak and Advocate.
©Winnie Ene Louisa