By Grace, through Faith
It was by Grace, through Faith, that a way was made for leading me to a better place.
It led to breaking the chains that kept me hostage for days, upon days, upon days of suffering silently with bitter tears falling on my face - because I couldn’t grasp hope, I couldn’t picture change.
I felt stuck in agonizing pain. I was suffering because I couldn’t believe in anything other than what I felt or what I saw with my earthly gaze - which was addiction, depression and anxiety suffocating my breath every moment of every day.
My thoughts were racing among the fog in my head at an unsustainable pace yet unable to be tamed. Nothing was clear, nothing was plain.
I couldn’t let myself be held, much less healed, by God’s divine embrace. I couldn’t understand or approach an invisible force, a higher power that seemed to exist in vain... If God was real, why was I in such pain?
I just couldn’t comprehend the meaning of life or why it was so unfair and it crippled me wholly, it was strange. I couldn’t shake it off. I couldn’t pretend to be brave, clear my mind, and start a new phase - one I could praise.
I didn’t know what I needed to face. I knew what I wanted my life to portray but I couldn’t get my emotional state up to date. My brain and body hadn’t been re-programmed for faith. They were accustomed to fear and blame.
I thought it was a chemical imbalance in my brain but that was just the consequence, the effect. It wasn’t the cause. I believe it was actually bait - to get me to realize that my spiritual journey was calling me to participate in experiencing life without hate.
Life was awakening me to experience that there’s no arriving at consciousness without pain. My future held the experience of true bliss but it wouldn’t happen without me learning to dance in the rain and feel it fully without running to cover my face.
I arrived at a place where I desperately needed grace so I chose to have faith. That led me to pray to God and the Universe, wholeheartedly without shame, for help in developing wisdom and strengthening my faith so I could get to a better place.
That opened my hardened heart and then I was able to start giving thanks. It transformed my perception and brought me experiences which taught me that nothing is in vain but under sovereign reign.
It taught me that God’s love surpasses my shortcomings and is available for me regardless of what I do, don’t do, make, or fail to create.
It taught me that God’s omnipotent ways are beyond my human ways & Universal laws govern this place regardless of anything anyone can possibly do or say.
It taught me that God’s nature is reflected in me through how I was made (as a spirit, mind, and body dynamo) for my soul to experience God in every possible way - without fear of being wrong, condemned, or excluded from qualifying for grace.
Now I can humbly say that I traveled through life’s darkness and eventually found freedom for my soul (spirit, mind, & body) - by God’s grace, through faith, with which we all can choose to engage...