Do u know where your demons hide?
I found mine at the back of my mind.
And I nearly forgot they even existed until the night they decided to visit.
Uninvited they came from places far away
to remind me again how much they like me to play.
Come they say, let's dance this away. So round they go beneath my feet.
Dancing, singing ,not missing a beat.
Their disco ball lit up with flashbacks of the past.
Creeping in slowly so I dont catch them walk past.
N in this moment I know they've got me atlast.. They torment and taunt me by playing with my emotions,
the up and downs a constant rollercoaster.
They've done it again, n this time I think I let them in...
the therapist says they each have a name
and I shouldn't bury them for they will only come back from their graves
n They will haunt me forever in ways I could never say
shhh, a reminder to self that this is all in my own making.
Keep quiet they tell me, its for your own saftey. N so It goes, against all that I'm told
.. I begin digging their graves
One by one I put each of them back in their place.
First there is fear. N hes a hell of a fan.
Puts me in my place faster than any man can.
Dont do it he says for regrets right around the bend
and if you play nice I'll tell him you're a good friend.
So I adjust to his demands, bc i know
regret and guilt tend to go hand in hand
and those are the demons I never wanna play with again.
Then theres self blame oh n let's not forget shame,
their both pretty wise for such little guys. Always telling me about myself n giving advise...
I anticipate their next move n it's got me shaky inside
bc in the back of my mind (where I kept them buried alive)
I can still feel their power consuming me from way deep down inside.
Then theres self doubt and failure...those bastards can die!... Always showing up in the most difficult times , singing along to my whiskey lullaby.
They Remind me I'm not, I cant, and I wont..
daring me daily to do what they say that I shouldnt.
And their inside my mind causing thoughts so provoking...
Memories Misfire, #Boom...n i wake up in sweats.
N this is the part where panic sets in...
you know anxieties big brother (I hear theyre very best friends.)
these two play so well together n suddenly I find myself unable to breath,
My own thoughts raging waters running against me.
A war inside..n this isnt the first time.
Body n mind miscommunicating all the while. In the moment I become a conflicted child. This wasnt the game i imagined when they said they wanted to play n I thought I had buried them, in a deep dark cold place,
where they'd stay forever never to be remembered.
But the mind is such a powerful thing,
n the things we hide from always find us eventually
so here I am jus Jotting it all down
bc thru words is the only way I can escape.
N tho they've all choked me up in the past,
this time I'll write all about them until they come to pass.
Bc atleast thru my writing I can find an ounce of peace in this mess.