I wish I could explain...

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  • gelukzoeker 3d

    I wish nothing but the best for you,even after everything you did to me.
    I'll always pray for your happiness.I'll always think about you once in awhile,even when you won't.

    To me,you were The One,
    the kind of feeling you only get from one person,and the kind of love you only get once.
    You were that one and will always be.

    You can't feel that kind of love twice,you really can't.

    I just want to say,thankyou,
    Thankyou for making me so strong,
    Thankyou for making me feel like trash,
    Thankyou for making me feel always less,
    Thankyou for making me feel insecure about everything,
    Thankyou for giving me that hurt in the name of love,
    Thankyou for giving me trust issues,
    Thankyou for teaching me a lesson,
    Thankyou my tragedy,
    Thankyou my nightmare,
    Thankyou for leaving.

    You see,you meet some people in life just to learn,they are just lessons.But these lessons that they teach you ain't small.These change you,inside-out,in every way possible.
    Their absence will hurt,but its just for awhile until you will start feeling better.

    Its just how you look at it,we often see the negative side more than the positive one and thats where we go wrong.So for once,let's just think about it,they hurted you,betrayed you,did bad,lied and some left too but you got saved from the worse,yes you did.

    Don't blame yourself,never blame yourself,Its not your fault that they left and don't let that shit turn you cold,because not everyone is here to leave,some will say,and make it so better,make you feel so alive,it will get better.
    Give it some time,it will.

    But for now,smile,you are strong i know,and you can get through this,so what if you are alone,
    it won't be for long until your knight in shining armour comes to the rescue.

    ps-This is old..Like 3-4 months ago,I am not feeling any of this cause I got my knight I guess :)

    Hope y'all doing good❤

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    The kind of love you can't feel twice,
    You were that to me.

  • gelukzoeker 5d

    I had to let you go.I know,I know we shouldn't let go of the person we love,but not every love is love.

    You can't call the destruction of someone's soul,love,taking away their peace is not love, sucking every ounce of hope and happiness in them,is definitely not love.Love isn't breaking someone so much that they are afraid to love again,that everytime someone tries to come close,
    they flinch.

    He hurts you,and you call that love.
    You cry yourself to sleep,and you tell me that he loves you.
    How is it love when you're crying and he is sleeping out there peacefully?

    Honey,get out of it.
    I know you love him,I know you're giving in everything,but you don't need to.You dont need to stay in the arms of someone who has no love in him for you.

    You deserve love and so much more,let go,it will hurt but it will be fine.You'll get someone whose going to love you and make you whole,get out of that shit.

    Letting him go,is your freedom,is your way to happiness because if you stay,it is just going to hurt more than letting him go will.Its just a matter of time,you'll be over him and everything will be alright but let him go.

    What you both have,is only real for you.You are going to miss him,so much but think about it,
    is it worth staying with someone who can't give you what you deserve?

    Why do you wanna try so hard when he isn't trying at all?

    Trust me,one day you are gonna thank yourself for leaving.


    I don't know what was I feeling while writing this but yeah I've been in toxic relationship and one thing that I learnt is,the earlier you leave,the better it is.There's no point in staying in the ruins of love.I loved him,more than enough but i got nothing in return,so if ur in one,just leave cause now I wish I had left sooner.Don't give yourself false hopes cause when its toxic,things don't get better,it gets worse.

    And someone told me,
    It will hurt but it will heal.

    Take care reader.

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    Is it worth staying with someone who can't give you what you deserve?

  • gelukzoeker 2w

    I don't what I am feeling anymore.

    Isn't this too much already?

    I've lost people I never wanted to.Somewhere it was all my fault.I got attached,too attached that when they left,they took a part of me.
    I haven't healed,never will,but I've accepted the truth and that, no matter how hard you try,you can't make people stay,you can't make them love you.

    At the end,they all leave and once again,I'm sitting all alone by myself.

    Everyone is selfish,I know that by now but stupid heart just doesn't understand.It still cares,loves and lives.

    Why can't I be cruel just like them?
    Why can't I just stop caring?
    Why do I keep forgiving those I shouldn't?
    Why do I put them before me?
    Why do I stay when I should leave?

    Cause simply,Its not me.Its not in my heart to see someone in pain because of me.I can't hurt people,I simply can't.

    I don't like who I am becoming..I never liked me I guess.Self-love they say but its hard,its not so easy when everyday you look at yourself and cry.
    Those eyes are never dry,those wrists are not like yours.

    Its hard to act everyday that nothing's wrong,that you're okay when you are breaking,when that hope to live just dies and you know, it can't come back.
    I don't want to tell this to anyone cause I know nothing will change,that they will all leave and even if they won't,I am scared.

    Sometimes its better not to talk,about anything to anyone.

    I am tired of being let down.
    I am tired of all these lies.
    I am tired of getting hurt.
    I am tired of my all insecurities.
    I am tired of living.
    I am tired.
    I have lost all form of happiness.

    I'll always be that girl you will find smiling,who will never show the mess she is in,the girl who will say she is fine when she is numb.

    The girl who chose to live even when there was nothing left

    Strong hearts can break too but as said,
    Broken people blossom into warriors.

    You are survivor.
    You are a fighter.
    You are a warrior.


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  • gelukzoeker 2w

    When your hands touched my skin,
    When your lips were pressed against mine with force,
    I'll never be able to forget,how you broke my soul,
    without even thinking once,
    I'll never be able to live fearlessly again,
    I'll never be able to live like before again,
    I'll never be able to forget what you did,
    I'll never be able to forget YOU.
    Its going to stay with me,like its part of me.

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    Its going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

  • gelukzoeker 2w


  • gelukzoeker 3w

    And all of sudden,that song started playing.Our song..
    It didn't bought back memories,it bought back the person.The person who was no longer a part of my life.The person I once loved.But also the person who left me in the middle of my chaos.

    I remember that day clearly,we were together and I made you listen to that song.As soon as you did,you started crying.I hugged you tight and whispered "Its fine."
    That song,reminded you of that girl you loved,also the girl who played you,you said it was a wound that could never be healed.
    That day was special,cause you cried in my arms,but did I ever cry in your arms ?

    They say,it takes alot to cry in someone's arm,cause that person is special,its the bond you know.

    You see,I gave you everything and you didn't.I made it possible that you tell me what you feel but you made it seem like I am impossible to love.
    I fixed your mess but you didn't bother to fix mine.

    Was that love?
    No,cause love doesn't hurt,love doesn't give pain.

    You didn't like me,you didn't really love me but you liked the idea of being with me.

    Thats what happened later,I cried,cause it hurt.

    The song reminded you of her.It now reminds me of you.

    And as you said,
    that love is like a wound that can never be healed.


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    You made me feel like I'm impossible to love.

  • gelukzoeker 3w

    Dear love,

    I don't know what I really did to deserve you.You are the best thing that could happen to me after all these years of miseries.
    I wasn't looking for love when I found you.
    I didn't wanted to fall in love when I found you.
    I didn't wanted to love again when I found you.
    I didn't knew what I was feeling when I fell for you.I fell for you,without even knowing and when I realised it,it was too late to unlove you.I had already fallen too much.
    When I heard your voice for the first,I fell for it right there.I knew wanted that for the rest of my life.That voice,I always get lost in,that voice I'll never be tired of hearing.
    You made me feel whole,you made me feel something that no one ever has.You make me happy,
    more than I've ever been.I still don't know.You are everything I wanted,everything I asked for.Sometimes I think you don't deserve me,cause I am mess and my mind,these thoughts that I never talk about with anyone,they kill me.
    You say I'm perfect,but I know I am not.I just don't let anyone in,to see my darkside.I am scared of it myself,I hate it myself and maybe I know you'll leave too.You say,you won't but I don't know.
    But will you promise me?
    That you will love me on my bad days.
    That you are fine with the scars I have on my wrist.
    That you'll never find any my scars ugly.
    That you will love me in my flaws,in my lows,in my highs,in my everything.
    That you will fight for me,not with me.
    That you will keep this heart safe.
    That I can trust you with my naked soul.
    That I don't have to be scared cause no matter what happens you'll stay.
    That you will stay and never let me go.
    When I love,I give in everything.I didn't wanted to fall in love after everything I've gone through but we can't control who we fall for.But when it does,it will make you feel beautiful,about everything.You get better with time.Just one tight hug and all your broken pieces will stick together.
    You are someone I'll never be able to hate.Even if things go wrong,I'll never regret you cause at one point,you were exactly what I needed.
    Thankyou for everything.
    I'm here,and I'll stay,I promise you,I am not going anywhere.
    Love,it just happens.


    ahhhh that was long.
    Take care guys,Hope y'all doing good❤

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    But will you stay when my darkness overcomes me?
    Will you hold me when I'll push you away?
    Will you love me when I'll hate myself?
    Can you promise me that you'll stay?


  • gelukzoeker 4w


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    While I was filled with love for you,
    You were filled with my destruction.

  • gelukzoeker 4w

    He lost someone who cared and loved him,
    But you lost someone who never did.
    Its his loss love,not yours.

    Take care,and Smile❤

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    It's okay if you lose him,
    You never had him to begin with.

  • gelukzoeker 4w

    Tell them how lucky you were.Tell them no one can take my place.
    Tell them the way I held you when your world was falling apart.Tell them how you left when I was falling apart.Tell them that I gave you everything I could and it still it wasn't enough.Tell them that you kept lying to me.Tell them the way I loved you and that nobody ever could.

    #totallyrandom #devilinyourheart #iamdone #idontcare

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    And when they ask you about me....
    Tell them;
    You broke that girl's heart,
    the one,whose only intention was to see you happy,
    while you destroyed her.
    The only girl who gave you everything
    and yet,it still wasn't enough.
    The only girl who loved your flaws more than your perfections,
    while you made her question her own worth.
    The kind of woman you only get once in your life,
    but when you did,you lost her.