ghoulfrost

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�������� Alter Ego: Fenris Frost

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  • ghoulfrost 3w

    You struggle to get out of bed
    You'd prefer your legs paralyzed instead
    Making up excuses for another mistake you made
    Another promise broken, another wrong word said
    You tell yourself a lie that you will be allright
    When all you want to do is end your pitiful life
    You trip and you stumble from dawn till dusk
    All the while you ponder if you are living or existing, just
    So you push on still, with tired hands and eyes that tell tales of weary
    A smile upon your face to hide the pain, wear a new one daily
    Your demons scream and rip at the seams of your mind
    You fall to your knees to weep but you can only let out a sigh
    Life will never be black and white, it's mostly grey
    Yet you survive each day, you are either busy being born or busy dying.
    ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 4w

    Before you read this, answer me this questions?
    Can you stain black, absolute black?
    Are there grey pages in existence?
    Do you believe in choosing the lesser or greater of two evils?
    Do you really see the world in black and white, or with little grey areas?
    ....
    ............ ....
    I grow weary of asking for forgiveness
    It's a drag; the unending repenting of my sins.
    I pushed on before, driving myself to the brink of insanity, as I bled profusely within.
    I acted all high and mighty so that I may remain clean meanwhile I was but a lowly filthy thing.
    I brought my heavy hand of justice upon the sheep in my mind, believing I was culling the weak, never realising the strong ones are meek.
    I thought that my eyes preached salvation and hope, I did not notice it revealed the trouble of a tormented soul.
    I took hammers to my fingers in the shadows of the night, while everyone slept, hence the scars on my fist.
    I shoved pins behind my nails straight into my skin to remind me of how I was taught to love pain.
    I sliced and surgically cut bits of skin off my body and when they bled, I would smile in that pain because I was alive.
    I would beat everyone else in class with my excellent grades, A+ in each space, and yet I tormented my mind on how dumb I was because of any question I failed.
    My bullies thought I was small so they beat me thoroughly erstwhile I plotted their slow demise in my dreams, the ones you lot call nightmares.
    I stopped all this because the rest of them thought I was being a creep.
    I learnt their ways, their linguo and their manner of speech, all so I could fit in.
    I realise now that I am not part of the bold and the brave.
    I miss doing all that to myself, and having worse been done to me.
    I was never meant to be gangster; a mafioso can never outwit a freak.
    I was always begging for forgiveness, with my knees peeling, due to my innate stupidity
    I learnt to ask for permission, on those same knees, creating my own inhibitions.
    Now I transverse between both, confused like sound waves, never picking a path of transmission.
    I love the pain, there's really no reason to shy away from it.
    You are allowed to judge me but I will always remain my biggest meanest bully.
    I like it that way, because you will never be as cruel to me as I am to myself.
    .... ....
    I used to think it was better to ask for forgiveness than seek permission for the committing of my masochistic deeds.
    Now, as I grow weary on my knees, I realise there are no lesser of two evils.
    I realise they are both the same thing.
    It's pointless; this painting of white pages black.
    There are no grey pages and absolute black can not be stained.
    ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 5w

    For once, I'd like to have someone look at me the way I look at them.
    Burn up with desire and compassion the way I feel for them.
    Desiccate and crumble to dust inside missing me the way I ache for them.
    Go insane borderline in their absence the way I do without them.
    Absorb my every word like life giving food the way I listen to them.
    Wonder obsessively about them the way I do about them.
    Petrify with utter terror at the very thought of losing me the way I feel about them.
    Peruse with inquisition the answers I give the way I ask of them.
    Believe with conviction the secrets I hide in my eyes the way I do for them.
    Light up with shy delight about my seemingly happy moments the way I smile for them.
    Oh, for once I'd like to know how it feels to have true undying love strangle their hearts for me the way mine does for them.
    I'd like to know how it feels to be on the other end of my love.
    I'd like to know just what makes it so easy to break my heart. ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 5w

    Stop pretending I am not here.
    It's killing me.....
    ..
    I want to get mad at you, stay angry, at least, put some sort of blame
    I want to see your texts and brush it off and put you on *Ignore*
    I want to shut you out the way I do to the rest of the world
    But I'm afraid it will do no good,
    Because I see how easy it seems to be able to forget me here
    I don't want to judge you but it looks like you don't care.
    I can't do anything about it, the way I am lost without you.
    You think it's just care; I settle for being thrown in the friend zone.
    I now see you in my sleep, making up the only good dreams through all of my usual nightmares.
    I throw myself at you and I'm left to fall clear.
    It's driving me nuts, you putting me on hold.
    Then I give reasons for why you do it and begin to blame myself.
    I begin to wonder if I do too much or act a tard too much in love,
    If I put myself out there and block your way, I must be the bad part of your day.
    Do I sound too selfish? Do I seem too involved?
    Is it something that I say?
    After all, you have a life, a busy one at that, and so many other friends.
    Why would I expect you to notice my messages when there are those more important instead?
    You've got lovers falling all over and here I am, bringing you more grief
    Should I not be satisfied with just being there for you instead of acting like your trouble and strife?
    Why am I such a bloody mess? Why do I do things like this to myself?
    Why do I expect so much from people who wouldn't give a hoot if I dropped dead?
    Do I detect green lights when the neon says No?
    Is this real or some funny sort of game?
    Then, in moments like this, I lie on my bed and my heart begins to break
    I realise that I'm just a friend, or maybe I'm not, but we don't see each other the same way.
    Stop pretending I am not here.
    Or better still, do please continue.
    I like the way it hurts.
    It's killing me.
    ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 5w

    He waits...
    The call might come late...
    He waits, he paces
    Maybe it was a big mistake, maybe he didn't hear what she'd said.
    He waits, picks the phone and stares
    Blank screens are like dead men; they tell no tales
    He waits, refusing to give in to his fears
    She's actually busy, it's not possible she's forgotten him again
    He waits, sits and breathes in
    Hearts are chandeliers waiting to fall like shifty porcelain
    He waits, unrelenting
    This mixed signals being given, one could swear it was braille
    He waits, is she asleep or awake?
    He jumps to conclusions, this seems now like it was a blind leap of faith
    He waits, art is never found on trains
    Its clear that love is like repainted oil paintings; over exaggerated, messy and oh, so fake
    He waits, hope is ebbing slow, it fades
    Holding on is pointless, he walks home in shame
    .................. ... ... ... ..
    He waits, and he waits
    For a call that never came.
    He waits, it's late
    How does one return words that were never said?
    ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 7w

    Shall we pretend you did know?
    Shall we pretend that at first you did not think it's was another of my silly rants?
    You saw it, and now you remembered, oh such emotions that now flow
    You ponder on what to say, you settle for an apology and well wishes
    Oh no, you choose to do better so you plunge into your very own bants
    Or maybe you'll tell me how much you love me
    Why I deserve it, that i will never understand
    Not been friends for very long, you think I sound overdramatic
    You'd tell me to stop doing this, after all I did forget yours too
    Enthusiasm is a child's ting, love and I am perfectly fine
    Not even disappointed in you, it's totally satisfying to hear, inn'it?
    Let's not delve into uncomfortable discussions, just say your piece and leave
    If I don't reply, and I die tonight, you really don't have to cry
    Birthdays, funerals and weddings; all pointless reasons people use to dress up and sing
    A prayer or two for the dearly beloved and the dearly departed
    Shall we continue to breathe life into what has already left us?
    Shall we tell pretty lies to keep up an illusion of closeness, a joyful charade?
    You stay, I'll go away, I'll smile 'cause everything will be okay
    When no one looks and no one cares, my smiles will fill my sippy cup
    Shall we dance and delight ourselves in ephemeral frivolity, or go each their own way ...I'd prefer the latter..
    Oh well, do what you must, tell me your lies and ask if I'm allright
    You know the answer to that but we can't waste all my practiced lines...I prepared for this play all night
    Shall we begin?
    ©ghoulfrost
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  • ghoulfrost 7w

    No one remembers what day it is
    It's almost like he doesn't even exist
    They profess care that never reaches the bone
    How can you be a King when all you have is a throne?
    Vacate your seats, pour out your excuses
    Indulge me really, do tell how you've missed me
    Even I forgot, so why should I judge you?
    Let's go on our knees and beg each other for forgiveness
    Like it's something we didn't practice, as if we really meant it
    Don't say that you love me, it's a lie and you know it
    I am not mad at anyone, I understand your pain
    Please don't reply this at all, no crying emojis
    So how was your day? ..*paints over the stains*

    Truth be told, it's nice being lonely, there's no need to be loved
    The boy loves his games solitary, that way he's never bored
    ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 7w

    Birthdays are funerals with cake
    Improvident gifts, champagne and joyful faces
    Reminiscent nostalgia, will they remember it this
    Time, before they give out toasts to a dead child?
    "Here stands the lost boy who smiled a lot, the underappreciated jolly good fellow"
    Dare they say, "he lived a good life but he was taken from us too soon"
    All the while exchanging contacts and reviewing contracts
    Yearly repeating this spectacle chorégraphié de douleur exquise, disregarding all of his subliminal pejorative signs.

    Burrowing, depression bares its maws at his soul
    Overwhelming pressure to jump first, little by little he edges closer
    Yearning for a way to end the pain, oy little lad, here's to another happy birthday
    ©ghoulfrost

  • ghoulfrost 8w

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  • ghoulfrost 8w

    Did I leave you hanging last night, when you needed me to untie the knot?
    A question, then another, the same repetitive lines, did it not seem like I was looking for a fault?
    Did you stay up late after I read it, wondering how I may have left you like everyone else did?
    A minute, then another, a different approach you expected, did you not say the silence was comforting?
    Did we lose interest in our lives, the very moment you formally accepted?
    A day, then another, I used to call but you never answered, did we not see that we were born to die alone in our minds?
    Did I really understand you, like I was supposed to, was I ever helpful?
    A cut, then another, masochism is an art, did you not realise that hurting you meant hurting me too?
    ©ghoulfrost