I hate it that I have to wake up every morning when the alarm goes off. I hate it that no matter how long I sit under the shower for, it never feels enough. I hate how my toast is always just under or over burnt. I hate how this nuance always has me so concerned. I hate the fact that I have a lot of work to do and I'm lagging behind. I hate the fact that today also, I'm gonna stare at these walls for the most of my time. I hate how some thoughts suffocate me, my mind's heavy and distorted. I hate how I haven't really gotten anything done, yet I feel so exhausted. I hate it when I step into the balcony, the blinding sunlight stabs me in the eyes. I hate it when I look around at these buildings and suspect people staring at me in spite. I hate how the sun's getting low, the sky's changes colors, exactly how I was accused of changing. I hate how these blood-sucking mosquitoes, nowadays, are the only living beings with whom I'm engaging. I hate it that my room is so dark, my little toe just hit a chair and on the bed I dive. I hate it that I despise lights, what else is there to see but an empty room, a lifeless hive. I hate how I play something on my laptop, just to escape the deafening silence. I hate how I scroll miles on my phone, only to drown in envy, in loathsome defiance. I hate it when music often screams the truth that I would rather avoid. I hate it when the songs that warmed me up once, can't even fill this void. I hate that I have to wait to be consumed by unconsciousness to calm my jittery veins. I hate that I have to hate all of this, tomorrow and days after again.
I am still breathing there. In you In those coffee stains on your white shirt. In those amorphous meaningless shapes I drew on your back. In those sweet nothings I hushed in your ears which later made a frisson pass your eardrums. In all the things which rolled in your life but didn't carry much importance
my father says, "you're not your mistakes but what you learned from them" but i look beautiful in this gruesome attire of my past lover; a mistake i'm willing to repeat. he says, "rain is not chaos unless you keep praying for more"
i've an unquenchable thirst for revenge after all the wrong he had done but i believe his touch is the only caress that can make me hate love and his arms are the only place where i can outgrow death.
There are some things I never said, there are some letters that I never read. Some dreams were not understood, trampled they lay, some I was too tired to explain, some they too tired to say.
I want to tell the moon how it soothes my pain, for washing away my worries I want to thank the rain. I want to thank my pen, for all the words and relief, I also want to thank the wind, my worry thief...
I want to thank the tiniest start in that sky, Which is with me even in moonless night sky. I want to tell the clouds they make me smile, Oh! I haven't even listend to the melody of rustling leaves for long,its been a while.
(I always wanted to thank nature for all its treasures and solace it gives me when I am sad or in pain, for being my shelter from all disturbances going on in life.)
I wanted to say he matters to me, that smile on his lips is all I wanted to see. I wanted to tell you that I care for you, I want to tell him he was ally colours and all of its hues.
I wanted to tell it was him around whom all my poems revolved around, It was his eyes where whole of my universe was to be found. I wanted him to understand me, I wanted him to see the love in my eyes that I could see....
(Wanted to say this to him, but could not. So here I am saying it all today, he may not have listened it but atleast it feels lighter...)
I wanted to tell them to let me be me, Whatever I wanted to see, just let me see. I wanted to tell them to not look at me with all those judgy eyes, I wanted to tell them to just stop all that lies.
I wanted to tell them to stop expecting me to smile everytime they look, I wanted them to stop telling me you shouldn't be wearing that or reading that book. I wanted to tell them that it is okay if I cry sometimes, sometimes its free verse, its not that a poem always rhymes.
(Wanted to say this to the society at least once to change their perspective, towards life, towards others and stop being judgemental .. (Sorry in advance if it hurts anyone in any manner) :):) )
I wanted to tell all those songs that they mean a lot, I want to tell the coffee that its also good but tea is the best when its hot. I want to thank all those dead flowers for spreading fragrance every time I see them, I want to thank all those threads for that beautiful dreamcatcher they helped me hem.
I want to thank all those pages of the book which helped me escape the reality when I wanted to, I also wanted to thank each thread for the beautiful embroidery that made my dress look all new. I want to thank all those diaries,my mobile notes, those torn pages for all the secrets they hold, I wanted to thank mirakee for listening to all the stories I told...
(Those things are not mere things for me, they mean a whole world to me, these lifeless things are waht make the most of my living self,they are my lifelines keeping a part of me always alive even when I wanted to be dead. Thankyou for being there when no one else was ...:")) )
I want to say don't be afraid of failures ,be strong, you can not be always right,sometimes its okay to be wrong. I want to say be who you wanted to be, don't listen to them, Its your life , your dreams that you yourself have to hem.
Have a little faith in yourself, for you are okay the way you are, You need not always be the moon , just be the tiniest of the star. for once think about yourself, live more ,smile, be happy for once forget all darkness, feel the light its been a while.....
(And this is what I want to say to myself, you should also tell this to yourself, for once put yourself over others and do something for yourself. :") )
she was standing there In a black dress looking downwards with a pretty smile i was awestruck by the glow on her face she was shinning like a beautiful solitaire her hair waving through the wind her eyes speaking things left unsaid i had never met someone like her like a star that fell to earth
the one with whom she'll be will be the luckiest man but it ain't me