I am a 19 year old poet from Austria. I love cats, books, chocolate and wine. (And sheep and chickens)

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  • guesswho 1w


    I am a magical being
    With magical hands
    And this pen I am holding
    Has the magic inside.

    And its ink
    Is the drink
    That I drink
    When I hide,

    Because I'll
    Into clouds
    Of my mind.

    And realities
    Of this world -
    They have died
    And the fact
    We'll all die

    Turns to
    Fears in disguise.

    And I write
    And I rhyme
    And let out
    All my crime.

    Because inside
    My mind
    I will not be

  • guesswho 1w


    I don't wanna make mistakes
    And so I make even more.

  • guesswho 1w


    I know I am hurting you
    By my lack of communication.
    How I don’t share my thoughts -
    My opinions are wasteful.

    How I won't let you know
    What I truly believe,
    Because most of the time
    I don’t know
    What I feel.

    Or how to describe it
    In words that we know.
    And how to just tell you
    When I’m feeling low.

    Because then we would have
    To go deep into war -
    And I do not think
    That there’s much to explore.

    And so therefore
    I don’t think it’s worth -
    Delving deep into all
    I observe –

    And so therefore
    I don’t
    Even start -
    To tell you what is wrong
    With my heart.

    But please know,
    That whenever you ask
    I am trying to answer -
    Quite fast.

    But with so many thoughts
    And so many words
    And so many questions –
    What if’s
    I will ask in my head what if this,
    If I say this or that
    Are you pissed?

    And then I think
    If I word it like this,
    Maybe then he can’t say

    And most of the time
    I’m so close -
    To just telling you thoughts
    But then

    And I do this like 5 or 10 times,
    In the end I just sigh and
    Say fine.

    And then you might think
    I don’t care.
    Which I do –
    I just know
    I can’t share.

  • guesswho 1w


    There is an extraordinary
    In the relationship
    Between two friends.

    The power of
    Of no judgement -
    Of honesty
    And no harm.

    The ability to talk
    To not feel
    Like you might not
    Believe me.

    There is a sparkle
    Everytime they laugh.
    And bend over
    'Cause their tummies hurt.

    And they laugh and
    I gotta pee.
    And they laugh
    With love -
    With honesty.

    And the moments
    Where you talk
    Real stuff
    Like sex and grief
    And how life's tough.

    There's a certain
    Thing that's
    In the air
    When two friends
    Share some time.

    There's a certain thing
    Connecting their
    Their souls
    And minds.

  • guesswho 3w


    I used to go to school
    I used to even like it.
    I used to love to dig in books.
    I used to smile at life and -

    I used to wake up early
    And yell at mama, "Come!
    I do not wanna be late!"
    'Cause some teachers there are nuns.

    I used to do my homework
    Every day after school.
    I used to write so beautifully
    And used to have such fuel.

    I used to be love my dresses
    And knee-high socks as well.
    Though they were sometimes itchy
    I still felt beautiful.

    I used to love my Mary Janes
    And used to be so glad.
    For school, for teachers -
    Even Math!
    I used to love to dance.

    But now I'm 14
    A grown girl
    At least so mama says.
    I gotta be responsible
    Well, that's what mama says.
    While mama sleeps.

    I gotta wake up -
    My brother
    And my sis
    I gotta get them to school.
    And make sure that they eat.

    I gotta go
    Down to work
    And I don't even like it.
    My back hurts -
    My legs hurt.
    And my boss,
    Yeah, he likes me.

    While mama's
    In the bathroom.
    And I'm out here to cook
    And raise my brother
    - sister too
    And make sure that they're good.

    I send them off to bed
    When I think it is time.
    Which mostly's when I'm tired
    And mostly they will whine.

    I'm no longer a sibling
    No more a little kid.
    I even go to church with them
    And make sure that they sit.

    I even tell them
    "No! That's bad!"
    And threaten to then hit.
    Just like my mama used to do...
    When mama was still fit.

    But now she's ill
    That's why she sleeps
    And has to take some pills.
    And medicine
    Goes up her arm
    And up go too the bills.

    I act like I'm their parent
    I gotta, 'cause I am.
    My siblings even started
    To answer with, "Yes, ma'am."

    I am only fourteen.
    I'd like to jump or swing.
    I'd like to go on a slide
    And climb up some big trees.

    But I have to,
    Go to work.
    And raise them little kids.
    I have to give them food -
    And have to deal with fits.

  • guesswho 4w


    I don't know
    Why we do it -
    But it's something we do.
    When we fight,
    We don't show it -
    We're just in a bad mood.

    And I'd never say
    To you,
    What I think or I feel.
    And you'd never say
    To me,
    What you think is the deal.

    We just sit on the couch
    And we both look away.
    And if we do just say something -
    It is always with hate.

    And it's not that we yell
    Or we scream -
    Or just talk -
    We just act like it's nothing
    While inside we just rot.

    And we know that this ain't
    The way it's
    Supposed to be.
    We should talk,
    And feel free to just be.

    But if I do just one
    Thing that you do not like.
    You are grumpy and moody
    But won't say it outright.

    And if you do just something
    That I do not like
    I'd not say it to your face -
    I'd rather just lie.

    And I guess we are scared
    Of scaring the other.
    I guess we don't want
    Them to leave us alone.

    And so we would just never
    Tell what is the bother.
    And so we are passive -
    Aggressive sans soul.

  • guesswho 8w


    I know it is my own fault
    That I have anxiety today.
    I drank tea because
    I thought it wouldn't be
    As aggressive -
    As coffee...

    I know coffee makes me
    More anxious.
    And I know black tea has
    Caffeine in it
    And so my anxiety goes:
    "Well, why drink it
    If you know?"

    My anxiety has got
    To a point
    Where I sit at home
    On the couch
    And I feel anxious.
    I sit at home on a
    Comfy couch
    And I feel anxious.

    And I started my day relaxed
    I listened to smooth jazz.
    I read a book
    I ate a banana for breakfast
    So that I have energy to
    Do the laundry.
    I did some journaling
    And relaxing
    And yet -

    I now sit here and am
    I have no reason to be.
    No person is watching me
    No person can read my mind.
    No person is here to judge
    But the mere thought of it
    Causes it

    Makes it crawl upon me
    And I can feel it -
    Constantly -
    Minute after minute
    As it crawls deeper into
    My flesh

    As it crawls deeper into
    My soul
    And makes me feel sick
    To my stomach.
    It gives me this tingly feeling
    In my whole body
    And as I am writing this
    It is travelling from my lower body
    To my upper body.

    It feels like goosebumps
    And yet -

    There is nothing to be anxious
    But there rarely is.
    And can you imagine
    My anxiety when there
    Really is
    Something to be anxious

    It doubles.
    It cripples.
    It has won the war

    And I am a fallen soldier.

    And I know I should see a therapist
    I should talk to someone
    But do you have the money for
    A healthy mind?

    I was looking for any way
    I can earn money.
    For ways I can get myself
    Out into the world...
    And simply looking gave me

    I don't even do sports
    Because of my anxiety.
    I don't even go for walks

    It is not that I am not sporty
    Because I hate moving.
    No -
    It is because I feel people's
    Glares on my soul.

    It is because
    "You don't walk like a proper
    "Your steps are too big -
    Stop taking such big steps."
    "You shouldn't walk with your
    Back hunched like that."

    I walk like a farmer.
    Not like a proper woman.
    I bet when I run I look weird
    So I don't run.

    When I was still in school
    I would have weekly anxiety.
    Not 1 week without anxiety.
    And if it was a good week
    Only once
    But mostly 2-3 times I would
    Write down: Anxiety.

    And I know some people
    Around me must think
    That I should stop whining.
    That there are people
    With cancer and God knows what else...

    I'm not whining.
    I'm trying to make you understand.

    (And here it goes
    Trying to find excuses for anything
    I do)

    I shouldn't drink tea...

  • guesswho 9w


    I wonder what you see
    When you first meet me...
    Most likely an introverted
    Person that keeps to herself.
    Possibly my social anxiety.

    Some might say
    I'm awkward.
    Some might even go
    And say I'm arrogant

    Though I would not
    Know where that comes from...
    Might be my look?

    Some might think
    I'm stupid because
    I never share my thoughts
    In a conversation
    Which could lead to the
    Thought of me not
    Having any thoughts.

    Or maybe you think
    I'm intelligent
    Though I would not
    Know where that comes from...

    Most likely you see
    A person that does not share
    A lot.
    A person that would rather
    Crawl up and hide.
    A person that -
    Spends a lot of time
    In her mind.

    As a safe route -
    Escape route
    As the healthy way out

    Or rather in,
    Shall I say?
    But then again
    The more time I spend
    Inside my brain
    The more I start
    To be


    "You wouldn't understand it"


  • guesswho 10w


    I bottle feelings up
    Because I was taught
    That a man does not show
    What he feels.

    And so I was bothered by small
    Like that you chose this restaurant
    Even though I totally didn't feel
    Like eating Asian.
    And you chose to take your car
    Instead of mine
    Even though I really felt like driving.
    But I said, "Nah, it's alright."

    And then one thing
    When you give me the chance
    To blow up
    And let out all of my emotions
    That I have been bottling up
    I let them out.
    I yell
    I scream
    I get real aggressive and I cannot
    Stop it.
    And I know it is wrong but
    It actually feels good to let out
    My emotions...

    And then I say the wrong things
    And then you storm away
    And I am hurt
    By my own actions.

    But I can't show that.
    I'm a man.

  • guesswho 10w


    Please have patience with me
    I try my best to let you to me,
    I try my best to let you into my soul.
    I try my best to let me love you.
    And yet I feel sometimes you
    Have no idea what I put into that.
    How hard it is to accept a hug and hug back.
    How hard it is to accept that I am being loved and adored by another person.
    A person other than my mother.
    I try real hard!
    So, please, have patience with me.
    Please know that I am trying
    And eventually,
    I will let you kiss me...
    And eventually

    I will kiss back.