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  • herbiee 15w

    One day all out of a sudden, my friend started screaming and shouting over the phone. She bursted out into tears and avenged the person on the other side " I'll show you what I can do". This was too frequent with her and we as always ignored it to continue with our business. But then she went out and walked in with a knife in her hand. She was about to slit herself and my friend jumped out to grab it from her hand. What followed would otherwise be called one of the most challenging nights I've ever had to deal with.

    She grew out into this frustration for denying her chance to die and threatened to kill my friend or anyone who went near her. We were startled but I went and grabbed her head, my friends took over legs and hands. For next approx 30 minutes we had to fight her. She had a lean figure and usually was very weak compared to all 3 of us, but now she had this power somehow enough to fight us all, at the same time. She kept on yelling 'let me die' and slowly her thrust turned to request, begging us to let her die. I felt really sad and we all started crying since we couldn't see her in this pain, sometime through it even I felt like letting her go, atleast then she wouldn't be this hurt.

    We didn't sleep the whole day and sticked with her all night. I saw what depression to the point of self harm looked like. She previously had many real breakdowns due to her family issues and whenever she needed us, we failed her. Engineering colleges, especially private one's really exploits your patience and we were all caught up with our share of struggles that we ignored her cry for help as it was more convinient. And now, we really didn't have any chance of telling anyone about the incident as it would lead her to be expelled out of the hostel as they have 'no suicide attempt' rules. Her family would never understand her plight instead would marry her off.

    We couldn't afford therapy & could do nothing except be with her whenever she had an emotional breakdown even if it was on the day before our semester exams. This forced me to introspect my mental health. I realized I had my fair share of insecurities and most of my feelings were suppressed. I decided to get help. I didn't technically go to a therapist but started talking what I felt to the people I love. I reached out to my family, friends and anyone I could discuss about mental health, sharing my experiences and getting to hear about theirs. It's been 2 years since and I've come a far way finally at a point where I'm optimistic and totally love my life. I feel lucky to be alive every single day and I'm journaling my feelings so that I don't retract very easily. It's been a wonderful journey and I'm actively advocating nowadays so people get a chance to explore themselves to live happily everyday.

    I'm sharing this experience in hope that someone needing help reading this might seek out assistance and people who know about someone struggling would go up to spend time with them. Mental health is as important as physical health and it's our journey to break out the taboo & silent stigma around this. On this mental health day, let's be sure to list out the reasons we love life and accept ourselves for the true person we are. Spread love and love yourself ❤

    #MentalHealthMatters #Oct10
    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 15w

    The passion I saw in his eyes wasn't made in a way to comprehend with time. He looked as if he was stuck within the time he last felt happy. Old age made no wear but 30 years made lightness of the waiting. It looked as if the memories made were the memories he was stuck with. He had lost himself inside the warmth and the home he had, until the swan left. And his love remained. I asked why, even after three decades, why?
    "If you want to know a person well, try knowing their passion. A person might be able to change his home, name, family and everything he owns except for his passion. It defines them, completes in all a circle and no peace will be served as long as he ignores the fire in him."

    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 16w

    I could hear a child scream and a dog bark at the same time. The night has fallen and everywhere around seems silent while some voices rages across the street. I took a closer look towards the house where a streetlight was lit, I could barely see a child of about 4 years getting beaten up brutally. I don't know what left me chilled, but I knew I was fighting the tears that came rushing. My eye welled up not just because I heard the child scream, I'm not able to do anything.

    It was the child's family beating brutally and I can't raise my voice against it, atleast that's what my society thinks. The moral dilemma takes over, you can't call a police or report it to any childline numbers because the child was doing something wrong and they had to discipline it. Truth is, it's a routine and no one around seems to care. For the child's mother is no more, it's just grandmother and father showering the hatred and pouring in the rude boil of their vengeance.

    Why you may ask? I don't know how to reason with them. My mother show them to us and tell me how lucky I'm to be born in a violence free house. But doesn't this child's outcry bother her? How is she able to sleep admist this pain we get to hear everyday at 10pm? What's the tip behind ignoring them everyday ? Do you get used to it or do you normalize it thinking that's how even my parents were?

    How are you able to live in this trauma and agony this child shows? I wish I were too a little less sensitive to these, be able to live a normal life and not wonder how the child must've felt each and every night repeatedly. I wish I was more like you, ignoring the angst and pain of the world and not fighting my tears when I see someone suffer.

    I wish I was I was more like you, being able to cry my heart out when someone of my close relative dies instead I'm bursting into tears when I see people alive suffer in agony without having a hope to cling on to. I wish I was more like you able to ignore the plight and take the high road wishing to never be bothered by this injustice.

    My traumas aren't really just what happens in my life. They are combined of the anguish others go through and then I'm forced to walk away without even lending a helping hand. You might reason thinking that I'm not having any real problems and that I'm previleged enough in my life so I cling on to other's pain, even I don't know whether to agree or not. But all it seems that even if the reel was ending my reality to ignore these torment isn't terminating.

    I still lay wide awake thinking what do that kid reason to, why does it happen? Will this child too pass on the agony and trauma it's facing to some other child? Will this kid ever be able to love the world it's in? Will the kid end up in peace with love? Will it be the same suppressor of the succession of family cultures?

    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 16w

    "A rape should be treated as a rape, not attach caste names and involve politics or blame government for it."
    When George Floyd was killed, it was immediately recognized as a hate crime and whole of India hash-tagged #BlackLivesMatter. No one dare told why mention his race, he's just like any other victim.
    I'm not stating that our solidarity with the world sufferings should be condemned but what's behind this ignorance when it happens in our country and the support whenever it happens elsewhere?
    Yes, the rape victim is a woman and she was as harassed as any other rape victim. But the intent behind this crime is also to be heavily discussed. The girl was a dalit in a village where they are a minority. Upper caste people since ages have shown their power and aggression by beating or raping them. More than any sexual pleasure, it's the angst to show their 'birthright' and they think it's totally fine to do so. The caste based oppression will long survive until we dare to talk about the previleges upper caste people take at the Dalit's expense. The family of the victim says they're even more scared now that their daughter's been raped, they'll be thrashed or killed any moment from now. It's even sadder to hear they say that all they want is to live in peace and that their daughter's gone, what's the point in fighting for justice ?
    On a positive note, it's good to see people wanting the caste names being mentioned to stop, but that doesn't mean casteism behind hate crimes should be ignored. And no, these aren't double standards on where to use and not use caste names. These are to open the authority's eyes and make stricter laws against oppression of DALITS.
    #DalitLivesMatter.
    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 16w

    A 14 year old girl commented under a YouTube video covering the recent Hathras rape case :- " How do you think my parents will send me anywhere anymore ? Till 12th std I'll be sent to school nearby and then they'll marry me off after seeing all these crimes. They'd rather see me safe & married than risking to send me far alone and letting men think I'm to be raped. I really feel insecure being a girl and I wish I wasn't alive anymore than being the prey to these monsters."

    Now it's easy to think that a 14 year old don't yet know the value of life and is simply overreacting. But that isn't it. We all women in India, to some extent feel the same. We're constantly worried whether we'll be victim some day. We're concerned about our sisters being alone in a room with any man even if it's our uncle or brother. We're so much so cynical about the society we live in that somewhere we feel like shutting ourselves inside and never stepping out. We know we don't deserve this but sometimes we tend to doubt our existence. All we request is even if you don't raise your voices for the dead, please raise your voices for us. We are much so alive and we don't want to just exist. Raise your voices to help us step out without worrying about our appearance, caste or religion and just be ourselves.
    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 18w

    After being just promoted as the CEO, she returned home to hear "Go make tea for your husband", given out by her mother-in-law. Now we might think what kind of ruthless woman does that when infact our whole society is shaping up to assign gender roles. Girls are given knives and boys are given pens, one for cooking and other for earning. They are put through so much pressure to be the perfect homemaker or richest officer that somewhere by the middle, a single man won't know how feed himself and a widowed woman won't know how to be able to feed herself. For a change to happen, every kid should be taught basic cooking, cleaning and to do their own laundry. So the next time someone comes home, entire family can help in chunks and not just leave the girls grind all the chores. Together, a family can build together the balance letting the "culture & traditions of genders" be set aside. And if someone wants to work as well as do all the house work by themselves, let them be, all we want is for everyone to have an equal right to choose.

    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 18w

    Why cooking is not harmful for men

    Sexism has forced some men to never learn cooking. It has been more harmful for men than women and this is why we should never accept gender roles-

    You don't have to worry about promotions to finally be able to afford decent food. You won't ever have to compromise on your favourite dishes and can feed others too.You can stop running behind high paying corporate jobs to marry a girl who can cook and genuinely marry someone you are happy with. You can drink tea or horlicks whenever you wish to, rather than wait till someone makes you one. Finally, when the whole world shuts out, you know your cooking skills will always be there to save your day.

  • herbiee 18w

    The normalization of the crimes around us, is the biggest challenge human kind will face. The virtue of a human to walk past a dead body thinking that they'll be late for work. The moral of a person who would have expensive cutleries to eat while people starve outside their homes. The ignorance is costing us peace, love and everything that makes us feel belonged. The rush into unbreakable chains of power and wealth, what is the end game to this ? When are you going to stop ? When are you going to stop seeing and start looking ? When are you going to raise your voice?

  • herbiee 18w

    It's heart breaking to hear that more than 80% of students in India are not receiving education since lockdown. Education forces one to ask questions and no one should be denied of it no matter what the circumstance. Our maid, driver or anyone who helps our life, now needs our support to afford their kids education. Most of us are previledged enough to have more than one device and let's make it a point to donate unused devices to a student. In a time where data is cheaper than buying books, let's pay for someone's internet and help them explore the world. Let's also get hold of students near us and help them understand the concepts so that they'll never feel low for not being able to afford private tuitions. Tomorrow's youngsters are struggling all over our nation and let's unite to bring them back to schools.

    ©herbiee☘

  • herbiee 18w

    You make my words beautiful. You make my thoughts filled with love. You make me go round around in happiness. You bring that peace where I stay afloat like a baby. You complete me.