I am crippled and imprisoned by self consciousness. It chains and casts me away into a box of darkness. This transcends shyness. I walk into a social gathering overthinking every action, from my voice tone, cadence, hand gestures to body posture. Emotions are cocktailed, from anxiety, anticipation, cautious, tense to timid, what a mixture. I have external calm and composure. I throw in a hint of fake nonchalance. I'm taking no chance. My actions contrast the wild hurricane up there in my brain, stressed from mental strain. My heart beats like I'm about to be knocked down by a train.
When they look, i feel like I'm under a magnifying lens The road to impress them is guarded by a high fence. Oh my, they're staring!, I can't even keep eye contact. I should have stayed home and played mortal Kombat. What do they think when they look at me? Do they like me? Too big of a crowd!. It gets too loud. My brain cells intertwine. To keep prying eyes off me, I dim my shine, This is my coping mechanism. My best qualities sink under water like a baptism.
The day ends in regret. I am no longer stepping foot at any social event, i bet. I sigh in relief when I get home. Home sweet home.