hobohutt94

I apologize for my grammatical errors but if that's what you're focused on you wouldn't understand it even if it were perfect.

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  • hobohutt94 5w

    Enough for me

    The clouds lift ever so slightly,
    Letting in the smallest bit of light.
    It isnt much but its enough..
    Enough to let me see a memory of what I could be..
    Enough to give hope of a brighter day.
    Living in a void can drive you crazy..
    but I see a future,
    and thats enough for me..
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 6w

    Suicide

    Monotony at it's finest,!
    The daze that is medication.
    "If you can't feel good, feel nothing!"
    As if depression is cured by sedation..
    My mind too lost to roam,
    And the stigma brings isolation..
    so I sit here in square one,
    With suicide, a beautiful temptation.
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 10w

    Cheyanne

    She's so beautiful, and so broken..
    A plague in human skin.
    Home is the web her pain has woven,
    And she won't let anyone in.

    She makes a joke of her trauma,
    As if it will make the memory fade.
    But she loses herself in hatred,
    As broken promises are made.

    Her life is pure chaos,
    Disappointed at every turn..
    By a family sunken from addiction,
    I guess we never really learn..

    So she cuts out her anger,
    Years of rage built under her skin,
    Maybe if she digs a little deeper,
    The healing will begin..

    But Mercy is never offered,
    And the pain still carries on..
    So she follows the cycle of addiction..
    And drinks until she's gone.
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 10w

    You asked me why..

    You watched the damage creep in,
    before I seemed old enough to know true pain.
    Not knowing the cause for a childs lost soul,
    I looked for help, and it never came..

    Fast forward to a panic stricken mother,
    her daughter bleeding on the floor.
    You asked me why I wanted to die so badly..
    but I couldn't answer that before.

    I can't ask you to change who you were,
    but I beg you to change who you are.
    I don't blame her for what she has done to me.
    I blame you for letting it get this far..

    I blame you for never being there.
    I blame you for choosing him.
    I blame you for letting the drugs consume you,
    until you didn't realize where he had been..

    Little girls don't just learn to do those things..
    She didn't know what he did was wrong.
    And even though she hurt me too,
    our love still stands strong.

    She was the only one who was there for me,
    even though she couldn't show it then.
    It was never her fault, hes an adult,
    she was only a little kid.

    She told you what he had done,
    but you exiled your daughters pain.
    Your little baby girl..
    left alone in her shame..

    I blame you for telling me she lied..
    I believed you, and it wasn't true..
    So we left her in years of denial,
    because you wanted him to want you..

    Now years later I have a similar story,
    of a forced meth habit, and awkward attempts..
    but i'm lucky enough to know better,
    So I run to my big sis..

    I tell her how very sorry I am,
    that I never believed it was true..
    And I guess what i'm saying is,
    it's finally come back to you..

    You said "grow up and get over it!"
    "He just doesn't know how to show affection"
    We lost respect for you so quickly..
    I guess we learned our lesson.

    So you asked me why I wanted to die,
    but I sat in a loss for words..
    Well now i've found my voice,
    and our voices will be heard.
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 10w

    Death in silence

    ABORT! I repeat, they can smell it on your skin..
    like blood hounds after the broken.
    Acting as if hatred was never a sin,
    they'll leave no scar unopened.

    But everyone's been caught red handed,
    don't act like this is news to you.
    We're all just as guilty as the next,
    there is no exceptions for truth.

    You saw their life being destroyed,
    yet you stood idle as they cried.
    Your silence was truly their deathbed,
    why couldn't you have just tried..

    But now it's a moment too late,
    the time for courage is done..
    Another too weak to handle the pressure,
    I guess it's safe to say you've won

    So plead your case to the weak minded,
    find that pity you wear like a crown.
    When everything is left in the open,
    we will see what this fire burns down..
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 10w

    Listen

    What if I dont want to look for a silver lining?
    What would you do if I gave up?
    All I can think about is the gun in that drawer,
    and how quiet it might be when it's done.
    It scares me to know that I don't know what will come when the end is here.
    more pain..happiness..nothing..
    The truth is I already hurt so much that I'm almost willing to take that chance.
    people can downplay my pain if they want, but they have no idea.
    I didn't ask to be a part of this world, but here I am..still living.
    Not for myself but for everyone who might miss me. How heroic...
    Suffer for the people that will forget me. The people that tell me it's gonna be okay even though I plead to them that it won't.
    I told you I would do it but you didn't listen.
    I break down because i'm broken.
    I seem mean because i'm desperately trying to hold the door shut to protect you from whats inside but you just sit next to me like nothing's wrong.
    When you grow up you learn how to bury it.
    I might seem like there's still hope for me, but this is my improvement. This is me after I "conquered" my demons.
    It's not what I was hoping for..
    It's just a show..
    Maybe everyone feels this way and i'm just weak. If that's the case then it's okay..you're the strong ones and it's gonna be okay..
    you just keep telling yourself that until it's true..
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 34w

    Until I can't

    Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep..
    This seems like the only life anybody knows until you meet someone who has it all.. I don't know how you got so lucky. You're beautiful and free.. you're smile lights up the room and you don't even know how amazing it is.. or how hard it can be.. depression is a beast that has his claws in deep.. you scramble to get free but he lets you break the surface enough for a breath of what could be then drags you back down to remind you of your place.. bpd is a sickness that makes me drag the innocent into my world with beautiful intentions and pure hearts only to push them from the cliff over and over so they don't have a chance to push me but I still jump after them because I don't want them to leave..anxiety is the plague that takes over my body with cold sweat and heart racing and why can't I just be normal the thoughts running in my mind SO FAST I just can't seem to catch ANYTHING before I get so mad and overwhelmed! and I JUST CAN'T TAKE BEING HERE! So I'll go.. back home.. to the ocean of misery where depression pulls me back down any time I try.. I'll sit in the dark and wait for day so I can go to work and fake happiness..ill tire myself with the charade so I can go home and sleep.. I'll do it until I can't
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 34w

    Just a dream

    She holds my hand smiling back at me, a trusted face only 8 years old. We run to a tarp covered picnic table, though time seems to move so slowly. She pulls up the corner to a dark abyss, the summer heat creating a familiar stench I can't seem to shake. Rotting grass and shattered innocence, what would be my fate.
    I've got a knot in my stomach and my world starts to spin as innocent laughter reverberates from unseen walls. My senses are overwhelmed, and the laughter explodes around me. I look back at her, met with a menacing grin...
    and there's silence...
    It seems like forever, then she whispers "if you love me you'll do it." My world implodes as I lose myself for the first time, because I do.. love you
    I wake up in a cold sweat my heart racing..
    Tears stream down my face. I'm lost in regret..
    I was only a child, but so we're you.
    "Kids will experiment" they said, invalidating my pain. But I know you're hurt for hurting me, and I forgive you. It's just a dream now, but maybe I won't sleep for a while..
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 34w

    Novels

    She writes novels on her wrist,
    For every vein she's ever missed..
    Trying to remember where she lost herself.
    A trilogy of pain,
    Signed in her shame
    The world begs for a new release..
    with nothing left to say,
    She picks up the blade,
    They won't listen until its too late.
    Hate scribbled on her skin,
    Her cover has worn thin,
    They just love the way she breaks...
    ©hobohutt94

  • hobohutt94 34w

    Never yours/yours ferever

    I can see that you feel like it's you, but I can't tell you how wrong you are..
    I know that my misery hurts you, but I don't know how to turn it off..
    I'm silent because it's hard to find words to convey the chaos I feel..
    And I'm scared the "love" I found comfort in, was never even real..
    Because my heart is not what it use to be, open and ready to receive..
    Or maybe it's always been this way, a pile of loveless debris..
    I don't know if I ever loved you, I don't know if I even can..
    Will you love me if I'm never yours? If so I forever am..
    ©hobohutt94