There are days when you feel undesired and ignored by the ones who mean the most to you! There are days when all the laughter and mischief just become a lump of memory locked in the neurons of your brain. The kind of memories and the vintage moments that you could never forget!
You don't have to pen down those thoughts, you know why? Because they live everyday in your mind and I guess that's a unique way to cherish them!
I still have those people in my life, just that they are no more the very person, with whom I once lived some of the most beautiful moments of my life!
They are the people in front of whom I'd broken down a several times without hesitating. And now! Look at the walls of my room painted in sweet peach mocking at me when I jail myself from inside and screech alone!
We had a good time together, a really good time, but look at the needles ticking on the wall, now we walk past each other like strangers on lit up streets!
We're cold. Actually, frozen, like the crystal snow, which would melt if we'll touch it with our fingers, but I know we'd rather break it with our shoes and sweep it away to the neighbour's door, the fragments of us which no longer belong to us.
We were the melody of the song which is favourite to both of us, but I know we both would change the music if we'll have the choice to do so!
We both ruth for the breach in our relationship but I know none of us is gonna fill it with the cement. 'Cause we know we are toxic! We fear the venom, but we'd love to choke each other with it!
It's just the mindset of years, which is fed into my mind depriving me of having the one that I truly want to have, these bad habits are killing me, I try to leave them every day. But I fail. Every day.
Over and over again, I wrap myself in this filthy rug of fears and discomfort, that now, It's embedded in my flesh. I scream, I cry, I bleed but it doesn't leave me, akin a curse of a demonic shadow.
I say every time that I want to leave you, but now I truly know that I don't mean it, I lean on you to feel better about things which have left black holes in my life... An excuse to just lay peacefully in your smoky presence, making a leap of dilemmas which in reality doesn't exist!
Lacing problems, just to ignore things that I'm really supposed to do! It struck me so hard today, just like waking up from a nightmare!! Breathing dead life through my alive lungs Living in delusions, cursing thy for the problems which I engendered with my own hands. What a mess have I made out of my simple life!!!
The poetries which I threw in the bin that day are long gone, it's time to breathe fresh, its time to get those verses out of my head too! For I don't deserve to die like this. -Sakshi