Mirakee
Dear Moon
Dear moon,
You've stayed until the stars burnt out
Watching the heartbreaks and the stitches
And the dull pain with which they went home
You've seen people, in their places,
Tumbling against the tide
Floating like butterflies amongst the mountains of life
You've giggled with infants at their mother's breast
Curled up in their cribs
Dreaming of secrets only you keep
You've heard the echoing tears and the countless conversations of a poor castaway in some distant land
Pouring her heart out because it burnt like acid inside
You've rejoiced with us in the bright Christmas lights and the birthday parties and the two lovers along the rails of a gleaming river
You've danced with the cold zephyrs of the night that came rolling with the winter snow
Oh moon, when you take different colours, my eyes flutter at your sheer elegance
When you do nothing but shine over us wretched fools who've had daggers stabbed in themselves
When your voice is heard by the mad who can swear by their imaginary gods that they heard the music coming from you
When you carefully cradle all those wishes and thoughts and prayers, and make them into millions of stars so that everyone finds a place right beside you
Oh you are so beautiful, moon, so beautiful
And here as I write my pain to you, I lay my heart out to you because you would only so lightly stroke that useless thing and smile at me as I look up to your pretty face
And I know our conversations are safe with you which you keep in mason jars and hang them in the night sky
And you know better than anyone the cuts and bruises and the many bitter pills stuck in my throat because I can't swallow anymore
And I know you're sad just as me, that you feel sorry for me, and hope something good comes out of the suffocation
I wish it too, moon
Won't you let me lie in your feathered glow
As I weep away my sorrows because tomorrow demands I be upright?
Won't you give me dreams of Grahame's warm grass beneath me and Spyri's villages and Shakespeare's gondolas?
Won't you fade away the thoughts that break my heart in a million pieces which I'm left to pick up one by one?
Won't you give me peace tonight?
©ink_and_solitude
ink_and_solitude
If you dream about me, you will never wake up
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Here Lies Our Story
Amusing is the purity of my 9 year old self
Holding the comb like a pop princess
Dancing with the stupid cartoons
And the wholesome foods of grandma
A jingle choir in the school bus with friends
Yes, that year was defining
Moulding in shape a future NASA scientist
The same year the word 'suicide' made sense
And thought of as a joke
Somewhere the hate for a pretty girl
Wishing one of the boys would approach
The year before saw a letter to a celebrity crush
When crush was something else than orange
Short hair, chubby cheeks, meek feelings
A wrong comma brought tears in an exam
Hop, skip and jump home
Momma and her cuddles
Then she grew up
Some kind of a rebel now
In blacks and red flags
Hollywood class in place of cartoons
Guitars and electronic in place of jingles
There seemed rules and chains
That was once a simple thing at youth
What joy to break them
Breaking them? Is it really better? Or were the wrong ones broken?
Ah, look at you now
All the bad decisions and horrible secrets
The ones which you hide from momma
The ones that twist your throat at night
What a joke was suicide
That found you popping painkillers
To cut through the mistakes that run the mascara under your blood red eyes
Eyes from crying
Wailing over the 'good' touch and 'bad' touch
And you welcomed the 'bad' touch
Because after all feminism had allowed everything
Screaming at momma through the phone
Boys that swallowed you and spit you out
Dreading the thought of home
That you descended to a delirious corporate job
From the fascinating black holes of Hawking
And friends are richer or better than you
And oh, the filth in your body and mind
Stinks the 9 year old self
That you wish you were her now
Can't you see anymore?
It's over. It's done.
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
11w
Confined
How did we become the blind depths of oceans,
Cold and frail as the red skies of war cannons,
Blazing trickles of corners of our corners
Like the snowflakes iced in the earth
Mundane nothingness as complacent
As driftwood in secret gardens and swamps
Pouring the lights of heaven
On starving homeless, lying bald and filthy
As life rushes by in miles per hour
The bells that jingle on mountain tops
Or burning fires beside railroads
Dry smell of cardboard and stale food
In this vast meaningless existence
We are but numb souls
Not a moment for ourselves
But for that which ties us in rusty chains
Fetching water out of a bottomless well
The thirst never quenched
Of that which pulls our strings
While we hallucinate oases in Arabia
That's what we are, aren't we?
A storm of sorts within us
Carving crayon sketches in the perfection
The lines don't hold, nor do they matter
But a child's walls don't appeal
And portraits confine us again
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
13w
Some Nights
Come lay with me
And tell me your stories of the Civil War
When you lost him in battle
His beating heart
Beneath the shimmer of his blue uniform
As he looked in your eyes
Resting on the hay in a barn
Sunlight through the cracks
Like crystals on both of you
And the soft threads on your white satin dress
Basked in his green eyes
His endearing smile
Blossoming your cheeks red
Only some more time
The sound of a million guns and cannons
He turned pale
As time edged closer
And got up to fix his epaulettes
Helpless at your mournful face
Lifting you down with his ever strong arms
Strapping the Winchester
And donning his cap
Embracing your frail body with all the wartime might
Before running to his duty
A true soldier
He won't return tonight
Or ever
Oh, you poor angel
If I was only there to peek through your palms
And see his reflection
In your teary pupils
As you curled your knees to your aching chest
His bullet punctured body
In a river of blood
Swaying behind your closed eyes
My heart breaks for you, sister
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
13w
Tell Me
Tell me your pain
When you force your smile
Before your friends
Who can't see your eyes
Behind which, lurks the tears of last night
That you shed in your bathroom
Washed your face
Like everything was normal
Tell me how it felt
When everyday you wore the same mask
So they won't ask questions
When the weight of a thousand sorrows
Mauled you to the ground
Begging every spirit you know
To let you go
Because you don't have it anymore
Tell me what happened
When you were almost there
Ready as ever to take your life
To be free of all the thorns
To leave the world forever
The fear that gripped you
Because death is forever
Tell me your dreams
When nothing will change
And no one will understand
And what's left is you and this wretched world
And all its sickly demands
But you can't disobey
For you need to live somehow
And the only death is a slow one
Tell me everything
©ink_and_solitude -
Until Tomorrow
On some evenings
When the first winds of winter
Rustle the dry leaves
In the chilly twilight
Numbing the cartilage of noses
The invigorating sips of tea
And a little more sleep
Beneath the heavy quilts
Or in the fabric of warm clothes
Our minds at peace in the mystery of a book
Or the chords of a country singer
Or amongst friends and favourite snacks
Watching the bright sun
Dip below the horizon
And the sky was a medley of blue, white and orange
And the children return from play
And the windows of houses light up
Wine and laughter and a fireplace
And charcoal sketches in a journal
And a sniffle or two with warm soup
The winds move quicker
The night is calm and quiet
And tomorrow is forgotten
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
13w
Hell Is A Good Place
There was a body on the floor
He didn't move
His face was swollen
From the hate of his youth
Eyes gouged out and yellow
The veins in the whites
All dried up
His mouth reeked of curses
Open like a cave
A half cut tongue fidgeting inside
Plague growing on his teeth
Rigor curling the limbs
The body contorted in despair
He laid there, ugly and motionless
Like the devil spat on him
Populated by truthful roaches
Eating the skin on his cheeks
And the meat of his tongue
And the gaps in his hair
Moving all along the cold, stiff and rotten body
Everywhere the plague grew
A black deformed mass
Spreading in the muscles
In the loins and the guts
In the toes and the thighs
Hands full of scars
I stood over him
Enticed by the fantasy
Salivating at the horrendous sight
He was my rapist
Choked me, that slut!
What a treat to watch!
Hell is a good place.
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
13w
I know
I know
The poison that rots your senses
Whispering lies to keep you quiet
Screaming in the dark
Nails etching the floor
I know
What you overthink so much
Fireworks searing the membranes
Ghosts, so many of them
Infecting your moments of peace
I know
They're all better than you
You're the worst
They'll win the batshit race
You'll die for being different
I know
Gutters of rats and clowns
Bloodshot eyes and gnashing teeth
Appearing in your nightmares
Paralysing, as you convulse
I know
You want to run away
Far away in the mountains
Echoing with ceremonies of shamans
Drifting in the drugs
Blurred in smoke and visions
But they're not done yet
They're not done chewing your meat
They own you
Your emotions and feelings and thoughts and dreams
You'll die a hunchback
Soaked in diseased venom
Eyes clawed out
Fingernails broken and bloody
Mouth full of insects and rotten spit
Scarred skin and squirmy body
They'll let you go now
You coward
You never said anything
You lost the war
I know
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
14w
Sorry
Ah, yes
We've all been there
Last night, they agreed
Promised to talk everyday
Eager to make it work
Because apparently
You matter to them
Here you are again
Opening your phone every minute
To find your dearest friends
Loving and concerned for you
But you're looking for them
Something, anything
What did they say, again?
Evening, was it?
It's night now
Your eyes are burning
Your heart is pulsing
Something wrong with the internet
Relive everything last night
Again and again
Feel the same emotions
Hit you like a giant surge
It was supposed to be magic
The beginning of something
You were going to make it work
A few minutes for each other
Everyday
It's 5 o' clock
Please sleep for sometime
You know they passed out
You have your own work tomorrow
Just like they have theirs
And they'll forget again
That there's a pained soul
Who hasn't slept for two nights
Waiting and waiting for one word
It's okay, they'll apologize
Then it's back to the same thing
I'm sorry for you
©ink_and_solitude -
ink_and_solitude
14w
Denial
Oh, we are weak
Somehow we fall for that one person
Who'll never groove to the same music
Or like the baked smell of books
Or bargain like lousy cheapskates
And marvel at the glittering stars
With our heads tilted on their shoulders
Mumbling some dreams
And watching us fall asleep
Oh, how much we crave those deep conversations
The ones where our eyes meet
Ears burning from excitement
Politics and activism and the newest gossip
Someone to call us the prettiest of all when the mirror tells another truth
Or hold hands as we walk through the fire
Or sneak out at night
To kiss our tears and order pizza
While cozying up to an old Hollywood flick
But they'll laugh at these
Call us babies and tell us to grow up
That we're being unreasonable
Then those nightly calls and sweet talks
Suddenly they miss us
Oh, we fell again
Followed them like wounded dogs
And watched them sleep so calmly
Our hearts and minds blinded in denial
Still smiling because we love them
Or we think so
Then we cried in silence
Thinking it's going to get better
Poor naive us
Somethings never catch our eye
Kindness that we never speak of
That steals our hearts
Because the one we love is so different
And the one we want doesn't love us back
©ink_and_solitude
