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  • jakeline 42w

    Gentle whispers,mutual tears. Heavy breathing, increasing fears. A piercing wail, a scream of pain. Little one, don't cry! Little one, be brave! Yet who isn't brave is I. These tiny hands wrapped 'round me deserve more than what I offer. I'm torn ,distraught. I'd rather it be me that suffer. To see you, sweet little child,in pain makes me wonder what would my life be without my sunshine? My life has no meaning without you around. You're my sweet reminder, all that's left of a beautiful story that ended when my dream of giving you the family I never had, passed away four years ago, along with half my heart.
    It's just the flu,perhaps a cold, I tell myself. Please,be calm. No need to fret. Yet I remember oh so clear the days and weeks those years ago spent in clinics, praying all would be well. I know God answered in His own way. I never thought I'd end up alone,much less raise a child and survive the insanity of solitude, resulting if not victorious, at least alive. Then seeing this precious child its easy to believe.I am after all, before anything else, a mother.
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 42w

    A day of tears

    It's here again,pressing down on me,making me doubt, wanting me dead. It mocks me as I smile and continue my conversation with seeming ease,praying no one noticed while I gasped for air but a second before recovering and going on with my day like this recurrent feeling did not exist,like I didn't feel the life being sucked from me,the pain from what happened so many years ago deciding to pop up just as raw and real as when I looked at myself and no longer felt love. For how could I love a stranger?As of that day I was no longer me.. when fear and shame became my daily accessories.
    Today was a day of tears, ones held back with all the strength of what I've now become and who I am, held back till nightfall then shed by my soul into this late-night talk between monotony,insomnia anxiety and me...
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 42w

    Lifeless

    Peering eyes look out at me as I fight and try so hard to claw my way into this backwards society. I cry , stupid tears. I scream, riddled with fears. These lifeless patterns once more taking form, downward spiral here I come. I pray I don't regret this in the morn. If these choices keep being left alone to play with insomnia and the voices in my head,ignored by love and life and hope, how long will it be before I go? When the sun is once more and the eve is gone and with it this silent storm,will all that's left be my lifeless form?
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 49w

    Why is feigning ignorance easier than facing the truth? Why am I so scared of my feelings being known? Why am I pretending I know and don't care when I can no longer withstand this searing pain burning a hole through my very soul. It's reality. It's fact. How do I begin to explain that I'm spiraling into insanity to someone completely oblivious to my lack of emotional stability? Why do I feel it should be obvious? At times I scare myself. So why choose indifference? Because ignorance is bliss, many times a choice. Because along with wisdom and knowledge comes pain.
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 53w

    Voices in my head...

    "Don't write" they said, "No one will read it." Just like nobody heard me screaming or saw me drowning or consoled me the day I lost you.
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 54w

    Las verdades duelen pero no por eso dejan de ser verdades
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 55w

    I'm surrounded by people who are great and have truly been there for me yet oh, The depths of my loneliness! Not just anyone would understand.
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 58w

    I never would've thought that a battle of desire and love face to face with rejection would be arguably less devastating than a casual encounter with very intentional and utter indifference, then I understood. It's the same thing! But I don't even care because that's literally how bad this hurts.
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 58w

    Wisdom

    Wisdom is earned through a painful process where innocence is lost.
    ©jakeline

  • jakeline 58w

    Toxic heart

    They say I have a toxic heart. Ok, maybe they dont,its just sometimes I feel like a passenger traveling on a train of thought, like I don't know if I need you or not. Everything is so subliminal, I think about a million things and if someone heard I know they'd say I'm a criminal. Why can't I just be heartless? Like most others now who forgot this? Can't I ever just be alone? Sorry,I'm kidding, don't leave me! Without you I'm lost in the waves . without you I have no direction. but with you is when I'm actually drowning, with you I've lost all my senses. It's an incredible fucking high and I don't wanna come down from it. It's a terrible high just let me escape! Run while you can for when I awaken so do the fears that hold me hostage, so do the voices that lead me to you...
    ©jakeline