Like a dagger it went, straight through my heart. The words you said... about love and it's expression. How could you love me when you feel it's okay to kiss her lips. How do I believe in your words when you find nothing wrong in making love with a woman who isn't me. You seek her skin but need a hug from me. There's no remorse in your voice, for wanting options for your nights. It baffles my core. Rattles my faith. I doubt my love. I question my decision of choosing you over everything they said, against every warning they laid. I look into your eyes... still amused, for my thoughts are so old school. And in pieces I stand... still firm on my feet. I love you to pieces. but not more than my self esteem.
He tells me I'll find a gentleman for me. Someone who genuinely cares and understands my silence and words alike. And I tell him he'll have the prettiest bride. The most loving and supportive wife. Someone who'll make him fall in love with life. He further adds how I'll grow to have a successful career. Touch lives and make this world better. I tell him he'll have a beautiful family. A daughter, just as he dreams. A job that gives him ample time to travel and sleep. And we spend countless nights... telling each other of things the other would do with their life partner... Things we once dreamt of doing together.
If you run out of love one day, just walk away immediately. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. And don't you worry about me. Just pack your bags and leave. Leave before you catch those feelings all over again. Leave before any doubt creeps in. Just walk out of that door and start a new life. Leave before it begins to hurt. Leave so that I know, you won't be drowning your nights in liquor. You'll be happy and full of life. You'll find a new love, leaving me behind. Trust me, knowing that you're loved, and celebrated, every moment that you breathe, that's all that I need... to be at peace when you're not around me.
When you said you love me... you stepped into so much, inadvertently. I should have told you... about my romance with sadness and the friendship between me and my insecurities. I should have conveyed to you, my love for solitude. Seeing you trapped amidst the chaos, that my life is... I wonder if it was a mistake, to show you the parts of me, the good, bad and ugly. I should have talked about, my need to be the center of your universe. I should have let you know, about my unusual language of love. I sense your fatigue, as you struggle to release the burden of those words you uttered months ago. And trust me, I'm trying to help you in this... to set you free from the mess, that my life is.