stay true, that’s the least you can do

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  • joutopia 9h

    125 // bland

    Things no longer excites me
    Emptiness lingered for months
    I just want to postpone all decisions,feelings, emotions
    I don’t want to feel anymore

    Every strand of hair,
    Every breathing cells
    Sickening and bleak
    The more I avoid
    The stronger it takes over


  • joutopia 2w

    124// delusion

    It has been a minute since I last spoke to myself , out loud
    I have been to places and wandered endlessly.
    Most of the time, I’m not there, I’m everywhere
    Being present seems impossible when I float and bounce uncontrollably
    I have little control of my mind and the more I try, the harder I fell
    There are days, I want to disappear into the air and pretend I wasn’t there
    There are more that I question my existence repeatedly
    I wrap my head around those silent prayers
    Letting loose ,
    I want to dive into the sea and let the tides wash me away
    I cannot care less about everything I need to
    I cannot pretend it’s all going to be fine
    When it’s not


  • joutopia 4w


    Combing through my head
    For answers to questions I didn’t ask
    I stared softly into blank space
    I wanted the moment to last

    I scanned from my peripheral vision
    The face that resembles someone from my memory
    Before I know, that was years ago

    The night felt like a documentary
    Moments like these felt nostalgic
    As I continue to keep my thoughts unspoken, all to myself.


  • joutopia 6w

    122// done

    Can’t believe we are back here, again
    Traipsing , back to this point
    Haven’t we come to terms with this?
    Just when I thought it was all good

    It could be all made up
    I wished it was all imaginary
    I want it to be all gone
    It has been way too long.


  • joutopia 8w

    121// still

    I felt like an ant crawling aimlessly
    Struggling, run away from the vicious claws, trying to clench it’s fist, leaving me with no escape

    I ran with all my might, all I could.
    I want to drown myself with music that brings life to me

    Time washes to the shore me like a tide
    I rest my body with no strength left within me
    I just want to be still and lay here till you find me


  • joutopia 14w


    I sat with pins and needles
    It’s all in my heart
    A familiar unsettling feeling

    Taking place in weeks
    I know time will fly
    This will take over me temporarily

    For the first time
    I sat with no music in my ears
    Nothing seems soothing enough
    To ease the tension accelerating


  • joutopia 16w

    119// Run

    I have been mulling over this same thing on my mind
    Tripping over the same stone doesn’t look glamorous at all
    Have you experienced this?
    Any forms of complains makes you ingrate
    But you have tried fervently all sorts of way to find an escape
    You have ran miles in your head, running away from what’s ahead of you
    Wet season seems to stay longer than usual
    Clouded visions, dizzy spells
    It all comes to you at once
    Before you know it
    You hit the ground


  • joutopia 16w

    118// escapade

    Take me to places I haven’t been
    Show me a different side of life
    I want to hide in corners of the earth
    Unravel pages after this chapter

    I want to stare into space all day
    Let the wind run wildly in my hair
    Let me sway in the fields of flowers
    Fill all void within me till I breathe


  • joutopia 17w


    You were before my eyes
    I perspired more than usual
    I could not get over the fact
    My daydream was happening

    Tried to get myself together
    I held myself back with all I have
    Trying to hide myself when I’m all over the place
    While secretly wishing for something more than just your presence

    Always one mistake away
    From starting all over
    I escaped, once again


  • joutopia 17w

    116// last

    You came again
    Every word feels like pebbles
    Thrown at me
    All I see is ripples everywhere

    I stared at myself in disbelief
    How feeble I can get
    How much I waver
    Everything became nothing

    I tucked myself away in the dark
    I allowed you to confuse me again
    Swallowing the last bit of bitterness
    Because this is indeed the last