"One day I'll be gone..." "When I won't be around you will realise..." "I'll leave you some day and you will know..."
Some of the most common sentences our Indian mothers utter. I used to laugh them off because mothers don't go away. They can't go away. They're not supposed to. They don't leave their children alone. Or so we think.
Because society has taught us that mothers live for their children. A woman lives for everyone else but herself. She cares for everyone in the family from her own mother to her mother in law to her husband her children and all the relations that we have ever known. She knows how to maintain them all. She knows how to take care of everything. Everything but herself.
We take this blessing for granted. Have you ever argued with your mother for something as petty as not cleaning up the room? Or staying on your phone all the time? Have you argued with her for going out with your friends? Have you argued with her for other people? I have. And when I look back I think how stupid I was. Because everything that I argued with her about changed with time. I learnt how to clean up my own home and people friends drifted away. People came into my life and left. The only thing that remained constant was her unconditional love for me and the family. Pure selfless love. Which asked nothing in return. Which knew no measure.
So today when I see everyone around shopping or teenagers just arguing with their mothers I want to tell them how lucky they are. How blessed they are to have their safe Haven. And I want to tell them to stop complaining about life being difficult because life isn't even 1% difficult when you have your mother around. You don't have to worry about life. What you're worrying about is just small things that become better or go away with time.
Life actually starts when your parents are no longer alive. That's when you realise what you had been protected from. All the hardships and issues that you never faced because of their presence.
Today when you see your mother hug her and hold her tight. Tell her she is the best and how much you love her. Take care of her. Take her out for a day at the spa . Give her an hour of me time. Ask her to relax while you take care of the dishes tonight. Because tomorrow isn't promised. And what you have today is so very precious.
When your mother dies a part of you dies with her. The child within you. You can never be the same again. And that is when you realise that the world is a cruel cruel place and no one can ever love you like she did. She was the shade that protected you from the harsh sunlight and the wind and the rain.
Somedays I spend crying wondering if things could have been different. Maybe we could have made it. Maybe we could have survived the battle against time. Somedays I think about how would have we turned out if we had still been together. Our priorities would have changed. We would have grown together matured together. Our circle of friends would change. We would be both busy working and maybe not giving each other the time that we were so used to. We would be meeting new people and maybe start to notice how we are not happy with each other anymore. Or maybe we would still make each other happy after a long tiring day spent away from each other.
Some days I wonder would we still see each other the way we used to? Would we still ignore the imperfections and resolve all our differences? Would we be insecure as both entered a new world? Would we argue more often and fight over bigger issues? Would things have turned sour between us?
Would we expect nothing from each other just the presence that we were so used to or with time the expectations on our shoulders would become so heavy that we would forget why we fell in love in the first place? Would social pressure get to us? Would I be too demanding in the years to come? Would love be just enough? I don't know.
I don't know the answers to any of these questions. And I didn't wait to find out. Somedays I'm glad you didn't stop me. I'm glad that we didn't stop each other. The questions that remain unanswered are better that way. Because I'm happy that we left each other before love left us.