It was the first time when I had an encounter with fear. The night was flawlessly dark. Like a black silhouette had covered the sky. I was three years old. Mum had just slept beside me while she was singing the lullaby. I was awake. Made no sound and just walked out of my room. I could barely see anything. I was alone. That time I realised, the fear of being alone. The fear of darkness. The fear of standing alone without anyone holding you. The very next year I lost my mother. Barely aware of the truth, I realised her absence. // It's not the darkness, but it's the silence that frightens me //
I was in tenth grade. I wasn't a good student though. Fear of less marks, not getting popular and so many things mounted on my head. But dad always held upon my branches when I was growing. Fear of losing him feared me! People had expectations attached with me. I felt like that host plant, attached with the parasite called expectations on me. It ate me up from inside! I feared failure. I gave my exams and passed... Though with not so good marks. I had given up my hopes. // Losing in a game is okay, losing and not meeting someone's expectations is heartbreaking //
I am an intern in a company. I have all my necessary degrees. I have experienced everything. Losing a dear one, not meeting someone's expectations, the fear of standing alone, recovering after giving up all hopes, but still fear of rejection gets the crap out of me. What if they reject me? Working is my passion right now, it never seems tiring. But rejection and failure, are those fears which are etched permanently like a tattoo on my soul. // I am not afraid of trying, I am afraid of failing //
And no matter what is your age, you all face some fears in your Life. Some fears are etched permanently in your souls. You might be afraid of entering that abandoned house or may be afraid of any disease. You might fear oblivion. You might fear emptiness. All you gotta do is to take a deep breath and give it try! Because all you want to achieve is out there, just after your deepest fears. You gotta come out of your comfort zone and overcome your fear! // The horizon is full of opportunities, but it is just after your fear //
After a longgggg time.... I am back! Stay safe my dear mirakeeans ... I missed you guys a lot! I am so sorry for such a long break. Studies and responsibilities! And quarratine days are finally giving me time to come back here! How are you all... ? ♥️
Oh Mr. Death Life is stuffing lies in my pockets? Oh! You yourself are a big lie..people say this Are you Grinning at me? People believe you are a miserable truth Are you? For me, you are a beautiful truth An escape for me.
I know,one day you will knock the doors of life Life will sob, weep, cry, wilt,whine. But you are stubborn. Aren't you? You'll come to me. And gracefully take me away
Well well well, I don't need you. Do I? I die everyday. You know it. Life. Is. Nothing. More. Than. A. Miserable. Journey. Because, it's too hard to breathe now. Meet me today, tomorrow, anytime you want. I am sick,fed up! Because now I am not wasting my time in life.
#No work No money No food #pls guys help poor Families... #pls feed street animals... Please Khana khila dou koe bhukha Dikha tou Humna Dekha Yaha sarey janwar bhut Bhukkey hai hum Aur bhai tou jitna hou rahha hai kar rahha Hai... Agar koe bhukh Hai tou Unkou Khana khila dou... Aur dekhna aapko jaroor sukoon millaga...unkou khatey dekh kar :)
Even if certain things seems to end, do they really ever end? (If I could just drag out my brain for a while, I would wipe out your very presence. As if you never existed. As if you and me were never 'us') Even if you've moved on with someone, don't you search in them his fragments? (Did you ever leave him? Could you? Do things like moving on exist? Aren't you still enclosed within the walls of those memories?) And answer me what hurts more, the mere memories or the sinking feeling of never getting back that love again? (When you were lively) The moments that made you feel alive at once aren't their memories the very one that makes you go numb now? (Don't you wish to go back again?) What are memories exactly; a person in past or shadows in present? (Aren't you surrounded by shadows only? Shadows of hopes? Shadows of longingness?) Just because you say you hate him now is unloving that easy? (Don't you crave for that warm embrace again? Don't you howl often in the middle of the night?) Just because you smile now don't your eyes crave to see that one person? (Just because it hurts less now is the thorn of love out of your body?)
Is moving on even possible? Is it even possible to get rid of the memories? Or you just get used to it?
It's been years since you have died Not that you were so close to me But your death left a deep impact on my heart It's not that I used to talk to you so often But I remember that gaze You looked me with A day before your accident A gaze that had so much to tell A gaze that wanted company A gaze that was craving to be understood
I heard you were visiting rehab To quit drugs they say But I don't believe it was only the drugs You wanted to leave But a life you were drawn to A life that was swallowing you bit by bit
The night was usual The nightmare was not I don't get to see a dead body often In my sleep I could see you Lying in a pool of blood Screaming to the top of your voice Or perhaps whimpering For the pain being so much for you One side of your face Destroyed by the accident As if a monster had eaten up your face Your left leg (or perhaps right) Detached from your body I woke up with a fear sitting on my chest Retching for how longer I don't remember I tried hard to not think 'bout you But when memories strike They strike to remain..
Reports say you were alive for half an hour After you got struck by the truck... Lying in the middle of the highway With people pitying around But none who could save (Who could at least try) I know it's not only the pain you would have felt In those half an hour But longingness.. You might have waited for people around To save you To not see you with eyes That pour empty symapthy You might have wished to cry You might have given up hopes When you saw no one coming by You were the only male child of your parents The only brother of your only sister You might have thought of those Happy moments of your life Smiled for a second Cursed yourself perhaps for riding that fast You might have wished to go back And hug your mom Pain must have surrounded you then 'I am not going to survive' You might have wished For the well being of your family then You might have wished for the well being Of your only sister You loved her the most I heard You might have ached for a glimpse Of your family For a warm embrace perhaps You might have wished for them To come from somewhere When you could not see them coming The pain must have grown even more You could smell your own blood all around You might have wished for everything To end soon Or perhaps to live a little more You could feel being emptied from within By the continuous flow of blood Oozing out of your body Every second you could feel the pain Growing even more..
I can see you in corridor, laughing Playing volleyball in ground Cursing your friends I can see you in corners Smiling ear to ear Or standing outside your class I can see you fighting for your own life I can see you gasping for breath I can see you giving up at last..
2016 Only if love could be enough I would have stayed with you forever despite all the sufferings.
2019 Amidst all the differences what made me stay were those happy times I got to spent with you.
2016 I agree you loved me so much and I loved you so little, but I could not remain confined in to the little space you provided me. I needed to breathe (free).
2019 Every particle of me wants to love you, but there is a difference between wanting and attaining. So when they cry your name in the middle of the night, I silence them. I don't allow them to love you. I am stuck in finding who you really are. If you ever did love me? Which part of you I should trust? The one who seems to soothe me when I am not so fine or the one who was never there for me.? /Both the side are yours by the way/
2016 I wonder leaving you was right or wrong when I was loved to the utmost and highly prioritized, something I never got after you... /But was sticking to places I didn't feel alive all fine?/
2019 Truth is you never loved me, you loved the love I pour unto you.. Well that's how most of the people are, So it's me I curse, for expecting so much from you.. It's me I curse for pouring myself wholly to you.. /It's all cravings that are left with me now./
2016 The poetries you gifted me were not mere a compilation of words into beauty, but a part of you. A part that curses me everyday for leaving you. _It's all fine to choose your happiness over someone! _crushing another's well is it fine? /But I could not stay just for the sake of your love/
2019 Mistake never really was yours you know. I should have made it sure if I was getting the love back. /But only if falling for you had been in my control.../
2016 If someone asks me ever what is love, I shall give him your name..
2019 You will always remain the one I loved with all my heart and the one who was not meant to be mine..
2016 I still cry for your forgiveness, for breaking your trust, your love..
2019 You are the dream I am afraid of turning into a nightmare..
2020 The cool breeze flirting with my hairs does not makes me excited enough to make my way to the roof. I hate that plant outside my window, all green and full of life. It's all void that is left within. It's all hope my eyes live in. It's only the emptiness that echoes all around. It's only me finding answers if I am too bad or I don't deserve the love..
I still carry with me a diary A pen that scribbles all the tears Into words A diary that has so much of you And so little of mine I wonder if I even exist between those pages Or it's only you who reside in them Is it really mine? Or am I me? Or a self made structure of you?
It's only the thought of you My mind is filled with It's only you the tears flow for When was the last time I cried for my own self I don't remember.. When was the last time My heart wished anything despite of you, My brain denies to think It wanders in the forest of your memories It has long been lost..
When you first whispered your love for me The words crept into my heart and settled in My heartbeat kissed those And whispered 'you are loved' My soul rejoiced Though I didn't say a word Afraid you didn't mean it Afraid to fall in for you, Albeit so much in love..
Miraculous were your eyes I fell in for Captivating were that smile And blissful lies I kept drowning in, until You were so much in me..
The diary I call mine Speaks of you My heart, my mind All live in the thought of you I wonder If they're really mine? Or am I me? //Lost in the forest of your memories?//
Getting a sleep was never hard for me (like it was never for you all, when life was good and had only homeworks to worry about). But then you came unto my life, habituated me of sleeping lately, most of the time I was awake waiting for your messages. I could not understand why did you freaking stop me, from going to sleep, when you had to reply to my messages after decades (I would have sent you messages through postal service man!). I could not understand why do I feel so helpless in front of you. Why can't I speak it up what do I feel, what are my uneasiness? Probably because I was afraid of losing you (I still am). I was afraid you would depart. I would cry my whole night, but won't let a whimper reach your ears. I hated myself for being like this. For being a coward in my own eyes, but I could not help myself as if you had snatched my whole power, dug your hands deep into my throat and theft my voice perhaps. And trust me when I say, there were times I wanted to hate you I do not lie (why would I though?) And I tried too, but I could not. I would lie in a corner of my room, behind the glaring screen of my phone, waiting for your messages. Waiting to hear from you, you are fine (not bothering for my own well being). You never did stand for me, that's what I felt sad for, so when you said you love me, I didn't say a word, diverted the topic as if you didn't speak, as if I didn't hear, because I knew it was all a lie (it has always been) though I've always loved you with all my heart ( but only if could you see). You would talk to me in whatever way your mood permitted you to. While I would hide all my moods beneath the surface of happiness and talk to you. So when you said you love me, I wanted to speak it out aloud I love you too, but I gulped my voice deep into my throat and never took it out, tucked them in the darkest corner of my heart where light never could reach. So I could never say it back that I love you because I was afraid (I still am; I've always been), you would break me and walk on the shards. I don't know when did I grow so attached to you, you feel to me a part of myself, a part without which I am incomplete and helpless. But I won't stop you either whenever you would wish to leave, rather light up the way for you, albeit promising myself the dark.
It's only hope that has kept the light in my heart alive, it would have been died otherwise. It's only me too tired of holding the dead string. It's only you binding me with your blissful lies. Relieve me if it's not love...
/Bht arse beet gye khul ke jiye huye Ye pankh aazaad hi achhe lagte Hain../
Freezing heart, why not beating heart~ Heartbeat interval even leading, It's running so high, Heartbeat making a adorable lyrics, Can you hear it, Your deadly words, Gave me, Heart Aches, ..........for lifetime, Can you saw it, It's all My fault... My innocence, Who try onces more gave our best, Yeah I gave my best, In my all limites. If you wanna break my breath away Take it now, .......I gave you my all rights, If you wanna I'm breathing the way, We are happyly loved it♡ Then Come withme Baby ♥ It's time to my funeral♥ Please come soon♥ .........for see me last time For what ............you wanna na seeing my smiled face Look at me Right now I'm smiling Don't let me go I'll be die .......if I'm alive.... ......just I'm breathing not alive. I'm still waiting for you And I know that you're never arrived at your place to my heart... ♡ Just I'm breathing not alive... ♥ Coz without you I'm dead inside ❤