kitty89

All the words I want to say, need to say, should say, but never do.

Grid View
List View
Reposts
  • kitty89 8w

    Believe

    To believe in myself is something I have always struggled with.
    I know this is something that needs to change if I truly want to move forward.
    I believe in so many others but when it comes to me there is more doubt than anything.

    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 8w

    D Day..

    Today's the day where it all starts to change.
    Today's the day I take back control.
    Today's the day I find me again.
    Today's the day I should have started weeks ago.
    Today's the day I make a promise of not quitting until it's how it used to be.

    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 8w

    Rearrange and sort through the mess

    Never saw this day coming, but it's here once more.
    Swore I wouldn't need to touch them again, how wrong could I be.
    Also believed I wouldn't be this person I am now, someone I thought had disappeared.
    If this doesn't work, I don't know what to do next.

    Even though you're here, it feels like you're so far away.
    Once it felt like we were a team, we could get through anything together.
    I know if I don't fix this, I'll have to probably say goodbye.

    I just hope and try to believe that you haven't given up on me completely.
    You are my strength, my hope, my everything.
    I know lately that's probably not how it's seemed, but I promise I'll do all that I can.
    So that we can be us once more, the us who we've always been.

    I know there is still love there inside, but it's not like it once was.
    Just please stay by my side and help me push through.
    I don't want you to fix me, I know that you can't.
    I just need the reassurance that we can tear this apart.
    So I can be the me from the start.

    Tomorrow's the day where it all starts to change.
    Even this will take some time, I just hope you understand.
    I will do all that I can and try everything that I can.
    Just hold onto me and I'll see this through.
    I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to seek this help.


    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    How do I keep pushing through on my own.
    I've already fucked up and slipped.
    The fear of myself has started, making it the hardest part so far.
    How do I keep breathing when I just want this pain to end.
    I get a few steps forward just for something to happen and send me a million steps back.
    Now I've found myself stuck in a loop that I can't escape.
    Try to pull myself back into reality, but currently that's not where I want to be either.
    Just wanting it all to stop, I'm exhausted from fighting myself.

    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    Beginning

    For one to begin, one first must admit and take responsibility.
    Which is both the simplest and hardest thing to do.

    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    Battles go on

    Looking at these broken parts of me.
    Trying to figure out where I went wrong.
    To let this person crawl back in.
    When she's been gone for so long.
    I thought I had cut and carved her out of me.
    But somewhere she still clinged on.

    The cold steel and burning shower is calling my name.
    Can't go back down that path because I know how it will end.
    Just another demon I've fought back time and time again.
    Trying to defeat her once more.
    So much harder this time, than the times before.
    Trying to do it the right way without causing more scars.
    But all I am doing is causing scars on your heart.

    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    Life

    What's life without you.
    What's life without trust.
    What's life without love
    What's life without hope.
    What's life without me.


    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    Where to from here

    Right now I'm a mess.
    I don't know what to think and I don't know how to feel.
    Yes I made promises, but so did you.
    We may have had a disagreement but it was easier for you to leave, then to sit and talk it through.
    I try to tell you how things make me feel.
    But the words never come out the way I mean them to.
    You tell me to see it from your point of view.
    But can't you see it from mine as well?
    I love you and you know I do.
    But is love honestly enough for you?


    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    28/07/20

    If someone had told me a year ago, that I would be sitting here feeling like half of me had been ripped from within and that I would be crying as I watched you walk out the door and out of view.
    I would have laughed at them and said clearly you don't know us at all.

    But tonight, tonight this is our reality.
    I am feeling like half of me has been ripped out from within.
    And I did stand and cry as you walked out the door and then sat and cried until you were out of view.
    Nothing could have prepared me for this moment with you.
    Sorry isn't enough this time and I know that.
    There are things we both need to work on for the sake of ourselves, each other and our relationship.
    I'm not, nor will I ever be unwilling to fight for what we have.
    We will get through this, we get through everything as long as we have each other.
    I wish you were still here, but the choice has been made.
    All I can do is hope you want us as much as I do and you want to fight for what we have.

    I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.
    You asked me to be yours.
    I am now and forever more yours.

    ©kitty89

  • kitty89 9w

    Inside

    The demons they scream, torment and claw from inside.
    I try not to listen and I try to hide.
    But now it's too late and things desperately need to change.
    Hate to go back on meds never believed they work.
    But it's either that or back to past things.
    Enough scars on my body I don't need any more.
    Hate the person it changes me into when I know this isn't who I am or who I want to be.
    Need to find me again and escape from this inferno I've fallen into.

    ©kitty89