To me you're a king who have forgotten he was one. Life attacks and tears your crown from your head. Unfair things lead you to make choices you find yourself not proud of. Yet you carry on. Battling for your kingdom that you don't even realize exist. Giving and taking from yourself to mend others. You try your best to provide for the ones that matter most. Yet no kindness is present to yourself. You question your worth. You hate your image. You suppress your feelings. For you was taught a king doesnt show emotion. You find yourself mixed in pleasures of the flesh just to get by. One day the time will come when you see a shiny crown upon your head. Then you will realize your kingdom of self.
To any guy that might read this. Pick up thy crown and brandish it with strength. No matter what you been told. You are worth it. You are not defined by the degrees or job title you occupy nor by the family status. You are you. Stand for your principles and dreams. You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to care. Dont let anyone diminish your worth upon this land. Your physical stature dont defy you nor your materialistic possessions. Your heart,mind,and soul are the treasures. Lift your head and don the title of king
I kiss the gate of cemetery and start wandering in the woods . An hour later , I'm in front of the brothel where i sold my living fractions one by one . I look through the window and see my bed , in the tangle of sheets there's a whore with a man who probably praises himself at parties for not sleeping with women , when he could've . He'll empty his wallet (and himself) and leave , remembering to take a gift for his wife , and the whore will soon be in the same bed with another gentleman . - I reach the concrete lump I called home and stumble in my backyard , the place is reeking of despair and burnt flesh , and there are three torn pictures under the bench . The window glass is broken and cheap red wine is seeping through the frame . Its one of those days when my father remembers I exist and asks my mother for refund . - It's been three hours and I'm looking at my boyfriend, he's lighting a cigarette , he'll light another , and then one more to choke himself , he'll scream at the bathroom mirror and punch the walls . I smirk , because I know after a point , pain just becomes a mere habit . I lurk behind the curtains and place a knife in his balcony , right where we had our first kiss . - I return to the woods , to meet the haunting shadows of all the people my subconscious murdered . They wear blood and death like perfume and remind me that I loved them once . I still do , my canvas still holds more than seven colours , even though they are shades of grey .
It's almost dawn ; I caresss the bars of the cemetery gate , stroll through the rows and reach a patch of scorched earth , I kiss the tombstone .
To whoever has hardened their heart enough to read this over my lifeless body,
Trust was the shoelace I never learnt to tie correctly. Sometimes, i could not manage bringing the two ends close enough. Sometimes, i failed to cross the right loop and sometimes, I preferred having the lace intertwined with my fingers over performing the petty task of holding up my life for me. Maybe, that's the reason I could not leave the task of writing my eulogy to you. I have not let anyone peep through the drapes of my heart well enough. I'm afraid I haven't been a transparent lens that sings my stories. I have fogged every quark in me for i knew you wouldn't be able to dance with my demons. They hide behind angelic costumes of joy and feigned laughter. All my life, my story has been told as lines from a novel that I have not written. You have not known my journey, the wilderness of emotions I've been, the sky of vermillion tear droplets I've cried, the anthology of poems my tangled hair has been, the dark mornings and bright dusks I've seen, the warmth winter has brought my cold dreams or the willow tree my dreams have swung from. You have seen me as an ocean but you do not know that all my breaths have swum across a million streams, walked a hundred bridges, burnt a thousand rainbows, basked in snow and frozen in daylight to get to the ocean you have known me as. And I know, today too, I shall be failed. You will listen to me and your prayers will cry with you, but a thousand and one nights from now, you will watch your favourite soap opera, wear your favourite jewellery, wash the dishes, and smile because I was but a song to you and there are a hundred more on your playlist to keep you going.
I have craved sweet all my life and I shall crave sweet long after I am ashes. Maybe that is why I could not leave the task of writing my eulogy to you. You cannot expect hemlock trees to start growing magnolias. It'd be a sin and once, upon my death I wish to refrain from committing one. I have been eating on bitter words, I have walked across beaches where each sand grain has been a failure, I have sewn my mouth shut and spent nights bleeding on my bed trying to let something sweet form within me, I have written stories that will never be read, I have lived autumns yearning for winter to dwell on my tongue and I have plucked roses to prick my soul and press its dry petals between threads of a crochet I left in the sink. I do not know how I fell for the lullabies that were signing me to a sleep I would never be able to wake up from. Maybe, because I crave sweet.
I have profound insights and grim memories of times I wished I didn't remember anyone and no one remembered me. But, today, in my grave, I wish for immortality and in your memories, I shall be a tenant. For all the rents I have paid all my life, give me a home upon my death.
And now that I'm dead, I wish to take command for once. I wish to dictate how you shall remember me. When you rise from the crumpled sheets on your bed, remember me as the sunshine knocking on your window, as the reason your sedan has a sunroof. When you walk to your bathtub, remember me as the water that unlike people who should have loved you better, is unafraid to touch you even when you are your most devastated and broken. When you breathe, remember me as the freedom in the air that does not cost you but pushes your heart to beat one more time. When you walk, remember me as the grass below your feet, that carpets your steps and smiles with you when you bring your lover and lay on your back, watching the comets run after their tails. When you can't find sleep, remember me as the bedtime story your mama read to you by the fireplace everyday, incessantly until you were at ease in her arms. When the night seems a little too dark and your sails are dry for the wind has ceased to blow, remember me as the firefly that lights up your skies and whisks and dances with wings that fly you to your destination. When science disinterests you, remember me as the forlorn writer who has scribbled you letters that are awaiting discovery.
And maybe, remember me as the girl who smiled and wrote for she wished to be remembered and smiles and words were the only infinity she knew.
Dedicated to the one who belonged to here, and would always remain a part of us.
This is unsettling.
I was out for a day(deactivated)I'm back with this one member missing. A big loss to us. And it's so unsettling. You were one of those mirakeens I've adored the most for those amazing thoughts and purity in soul . A bunch of us have been affected by what you wrote. I'll miss you and your write-ups man. I respect the reasons due to which your account couldn't be seen now. But we'll miss. Maybe we need them.
I haven't known you in person but as a pure soul who has always reflected upon beautiful aspects of life, good morals, values, so much of things to learn. You were blossoming here. This halt, no one knows the reason. It's so harsh. And it's the truth, unacceptable as always. But you'll always be remembered for your good deeds. And I'm sure that you've met the divine and you're still blossoming up there.
I want to say(although not so many of you would be reviewing this, but still I would say) to all of you people right here on mirakee -
A beautiful soul, not me but you all. I love you all I want to tell before anybody else leaves now, due any reason(be it only a departure from mirakee). I love you all. Irrespective of who you're, your gender, age, my personal attachment to you. I've always. Mirakee has been a holy place to me. I've cherished and adored pure souls here. And I always pray for well being and prosperity for all of you. May god bless us.🙏