Pain, You broken me down and now constantly building me up.

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  • myownideals111 15h

    She just wants to be,
    Beautiful she goes, unnoticed she knows,
    no limits she craves, attention she praises,
    an image she prays to be, sculpted by the sculptor
    Oh, she don't see, the light that's shining
    Deeper than the eyes can find it
    Maybe we have made her blind
    So she tries to cover up her pain
    And cut her woes away
    'Cause covergirls don't cry
    After their face is made
    But there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark
    You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
    And you don't have to change a thing
    The world could change its heart
    No scars to your beautiful
    We're stars and we're beautiful.

    She has dreams to be an envy, so she's starving
    You know, covergirls eat nothing
    She says, beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything
    What's a little bit of hunger?
    I could go a little while longer, she fades away
    She don't see her perfect
    She don't understand she's worth it
    Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface.

    So to all the girls that's hurting
    Let me be your mirror
    Help you see a little bit clearer
    The light that shines within
    There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark
    You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
    And you don't have to change a thing
    The world could change its heart
    No scars to your beautiful
    We're stars and we're beautiful

    And you don't have to change a thing
    The world could change its heart
    No scars to your beautiful
    We're stars and we're beautiful

    No better you than the you that you are
    No better life than the life we're living.
    No better time for your shine, you're the star.

    Oh, you're beautiful, oh, you're beautiful
    There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark
    You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
    And you don't have to change a thing
    The world could change its heart
    No scars to your beautiful
    We're stars and we're beautiful !!!!❤❤

    ------ Alessia Cara.

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  • myownideals111 1w

    ARMY's drop a comment below...

    Annyoenghaseyo !!!! (Hello)
    Today, we're gonna talk about the most important and amazing persons in this world!!!
    And that is BTS ( Bangtan Sonyeondan )
    Their fans are called ARMYs.

    If you're not an army till now, then maybe you don't know about them. Let me tell you...
    BTS is a boy band in South Korea that consists of 7 members, particularly, RM, Suga, J-Hope , Jungkook, Jimin , Jin and V.
    Now, why are they popular and what is so special about them?
    BTS is not made up of just determination and hard work of just one person. It is made up of all the 7 members' potential.
    Their music success reached to MAMA, MMA, Billboards and Even they are now nominated for GRAMMY.!!!!! ( MOST AWAITED MOMENT )

    This wasn't an easy thing. This required all the blood, sweat and tears for years. RM AND SUGA were together working on the formation of BTS and pinned all their dreams and expectations on it for more than 10 years now..... You know what, their music and beats and voice and everything is so perfect. My taste is their kind of music. They produce music on the subjects that are very relatable and helpful to people. Like bullying, mental health and morals such as loving yourself, giving life another chances, and accepting your dark side and moving on, forgiving people and discovering your own soul. Their music is way too good and pure but can you believe that they had to face a ton of hatred and blames just for the music full of messages and morals??? At first, when i heard this, I was completely confused and shocked. Like how can this be possibe??? I understand if someone uses curse words and bad and rude language in the lyrics of their music video, then they can be trolled and blamed. But how can this be done to them?
    This is due to the bad vision of some so-called fans of early BTS. Actually, the fans said that RM AND
    J-HOPE were ugly and JIN does not know how to sing and yeah, that JIMIN is fat like a pig. They didn't refer to their songs anywhere but just judged them on the basis of external appearance. They said them ugly and fat but didn't get even any idea of their own beauty that is fake, totally fake. They aren't even ugly or fat. These comments are just the by-products of the black and rude thinking of the idiot people.
    You know what? JIMIN starve himself more than half of the year just for losing weight that we ARMYs don't even care for. SUGA even said that they are thankful to the good looks of JUNGKOOK AND TAEHYUNG , for the fan following. Otherwise they wouldn't have had this much popularity.
    RM and SUGA was continuously trolled for auditioning for an idol while being a rapper.
    JIMIN said this for a long time that he should stay low and should not shoot himself in group log anymore for the sake of group's existence. Because not more people or anyone liked him that time.
    They almost disbanded several times but hopes of some or the other member kept BTS alive. JUNGKOOK was 15 when he came as a trainee and the other 6 members raised him since then. So, he couldn't see them suffering emotionally. That's why he also cried all night sometimes. And all of them were out of their mind when they got their first donsaeng. Even after that, ARMYs were trolled because their idols just have 1 donsaeng and others have several of them.

    They don't know that we ARMYs stan them not because of their beauty or any extra work but their hard work, music,talent and love they return to us.
    They are not ugly, fat or whatever in our eyes. I was hell angry as well as sad at the moment I got to know this. I literally cried watching all that. Not a single ARMY is here who doesn't cry seeing their hardships.
    They are perfect the way they are. Lovely the way they exist. I am fortunate to be born in a generation having BTS. I appreciate them for their talents and stan them for their cute moments, idiotic moments , mistakes and for all the imperfections they have.
    I don't have any problem with them. I would never ever have.

    I couldn't write everything about BTS in this post.
    Because then it will be too long. So, I will continue in the next post. This was about the untold and silent struggles side of BTS and now in the next one, I will be only talking about the side that everyone talks about. Brightest one.

    BORAHAE!!! ������ I PURPLE YOU !!!
    SARANGHEYO!!!! BTS !!!!! ����������


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  • myownideals111 1w

    Now, I moved on.
    I literally let go of those grudges with people
    i held all this way up till here in my life
    and just moved on.
    I actually gave myself a second chance.
    Not the people.
    I was straining and torturing myself.
    Because of all those stupid people in my life.
    I continuously tried to please everybody whether
    It was in my favour or not.
    I went too far or out of the line just for people.
    And i never cared about my happiness.
    Myself. My soul. And my heart.
    I continuously made the thin string of relation
    Of love between me and society thicker by my
    Blood sweat and tears.
    This string was tried to set onto fire by the society.
    But I tried the hell out of myself and
    Cared for that thread more than my own soul.
    But what was the result of all those struggles
    I did and all those taunts i heard for people???
    Literally nothing.
    Yeah, taunts, disrespect and misunderstandings
    And I lost all the relationships, all the trusts i
    Had. All the self-respect I had.
    I used to blame myself for existing, for depositing
    in this bankrupted bank.
    Interrogated myself the whole sleepless nights
    About the benefits of breaking myself.
    Of the urge to torture myself till the end of this
    "Subway surf" i.e. you know, never ending.
    Felt like all the hues and blues of my room are darkening into strong blacks making it impossible
    To look through this dark.
    Sometimes, felt like the bulb in my room is glaring too much to extend its limit and break into a billion pieces of burnt glass.
    Felt like the light of fakeness is too much that is making it impossible to see anything else through this blinding flash.
    Felt like these walls are shrinking to consume me.
    Felt the water on my body like an acid trying to dissolve me into a burning liquid.
    I used to think of myself as someone invaluable.
    Not of any worth.
    Just because the thing string was now cut by
    The scissors of coldness.
    Not by me. Cause you know by whom.
    After all the ages of sweating to save that.

    But then I realised.
    Something way too sure and true about this
    Existence. This present. This past and the
    upcoming Future.
    Until the time, I will expect anyone to be
    Co-operative or considerable for me, nothing
    Is gonna change. I am gonna lead the same regretting life. I have to change the way I treat myself.
    I have to change my regretting present into a
    Bright and proud future. I have to change the way
    I see my past's mistakes and regrets.
    And consider them to be the pushing force for what
    I am today. Happy and contented.
    I have to be a great saviour of myself.
    Cause I know no one else would do that for me.
    I know no one else even care even if I am starving
    Or craving for the love and support I should have had. I have to care for my own happiness.
    My own satisfaction.
    My own self-respect.
    My own dreams.
    My own aims and goals and whatever I want in my life from this life !!!!
    I have to protect my self-esteem and improve it for
    My own good. I invested myself in a non-profitable business that consumed all my energy, potential, confidence, strength and trust.
    Now, i will regain all those and invest myself in my
    Contentment, self-discovery, self-love and peace.
    I promised myself. I have to do this.
    My bank will give me every kind of profit.
    And i would have no regrets this time.


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    Life and me. (Part 1)

  • myownideals111 3w

    Yes, I am a night owl,
    Not because i have a boyfriend
    And i talk to him overnight !!
    Not every girl who stays up till 2 a.m.
    Is chatting!!!!
    I stay up to conquer all those moments
    Of the twinkling sky...
    The shiny, real, quiet and most
    Importantly gentlemen, peaceful sky.
    No one to disturb even a single bit.
    I get most ideas at night.
    I am creative and super talented at night!
    You can watch me..����

    Yes, I don't like to be judged as a girl.
    It doesn't mean that i am some
    Unknown creature full of attitude and
    You aunties, should not let your children
    Talk to me or be around me.
    I am not.
    I just don't like someone saying,
    "You should take some girly job"
    "This is not for girls, you should try
    Something else.!! "
    Someone automatically saying,
    "Do you want this in pink?"
    Why would i want any of my belongings to
    Be in pink if i am choosing them with some
    Other colour??
    Someone please make me understand...
    I really need to.

    Yes, my choices are somehow different
    From the people around me.
    And you don't like them.
    So, if you don't like them,
    It is your problem not mine.
    Everyone has the right to be unique in
    Their own way.
    I have that right too...
    I am a responsibe and equal citizen of
    This democratic country too..

    Yes, I am weird and strange .
    You know why??
    Because sometimes i act shy and
    Sometimes the most happening creature
    Or sometimes talkative
    Or sometimes silent and nice.
    Why do i do this?
    Because i choose behaviours according to
    If you are someone to be trusted,
    I would trust on you and make you
    Swear not to break this precious trust.
    And you swear upon me.
    But i know everyone,
    Whoever swear upon me,
    Is definitely and knowingly going to break it.
    I am that much irritating.����

    You can understand...
    I can be silent, talkative, fake, my real self,
    Idiot, intelligent, possesive or uninterested.
    It depends.
    Not upon me but upon you.

    Yes, i am everything strange and idiot and
    Stupid and irritating and bad
    You can ever think of.
    I am that.
    I admit.
    But i am kinda different.
    Society's judgements are straight forwardly
    Attacking on me.
    But my inner peace is not disturbed.
    Don't worry... !!!


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    Yes, I am


  • myownideals111 6w

    Sometimes, I just think that why am
    i not good enough???
    Everyone is just so tired of me.
    Tired of my immaturity, childish
    nature, idiotic gossip, and mainly me myself.
    They are now bored by me.
    They think i am a personality to be
    laughed at.
    They think i would never be good
    enough ever in my entire life.
    I talk a lot. A whole ocean of stupid things.
    I kinda do weird things.
    I kinda jump and enjoy around like dorks.
    I admit i do.
    I don't understand even a tiny bit of what
    trouble people are putting me into.
    I don't want to do any makeup. Why should i?
    For what special purpose of this 'Temple Run' like life??

    People don't understand that i jump and enjoy myself around because I've met several kinds of people and now no one is trustworthy enough to even enjoy or small bit talk with.
    They don't know why i don't get bored by boring others by my stupid gossip.
    Because i don't want to open my heart out in front of anybody anymore. So, i make people around me, the topic of my conversations. Not me. And talk endlessly idiotic stuff because they won't bother me again if i make them questioning their idea of talking to me.������������

    I am immature and childish and a solid stupid perosn hanging around.
    Because i know we got only one life and that is also too short to run and make yourself a fool according to people. So, i don't mind being an idiot fooling around now anymore. I enjoy myself and mind my own business now.
    I would never be good enough. That doesn't mean by gross domestic ratio of our nation or something related to my future.
    It means i would never ever learn how to deal with questioning and irritating people all at once.
    I won't get how to make someone feel useless in front of me just because i am good at something he isn't....
    I don't like it. Really.... ever....
    I don't wanna show off for things even if they are much expensive than any of your belongings' double rate !!!!!
    I am not a kind of person that is born for impressing someone in my life.
    I don't want even one singe soul in thisworld to be impressed or say that i am little bit good.
    I don't want them....
    I would never.
    I am happy.
    And i have done what i had to do.
    Now, i don't think it's any of my business to think what others think of me.
    If they praise me behind my back. Fine.
    If they praise my personality in front of me and
    talk shit behind my back. Fine.
    If they don't care for me. Fine.
    If they don't wanna be with me. Fine. I love my own company. Thankyou.

    I am fine with whatever. I am happy in my own real life.
    Not happy in pretending to be fine on social media and hell disgusted, sorrowful and messed up in real life.
    I enjoy and witness moments with my eyes.
    Not waste them clicking pics and posting them on the spot. So, i can get some attention.
    I am simple and happy with however i look.
    And don't have to waste precious hours of my life in doing all the makeup so that i can look what i am not. I mean, fake. Totally fake.

    I am not good at talking shit about people behind their backs.
    I am real everywhere.
    Just not in mood anymore to present the real me.
    But whatever i present is real and will always be.
    I know i am not a kinda perfect but nobody is. Right???
    I am cool and good and i accept whatever is happening with me is entirely my fault.
    You don't have to deal with the credit.
    Don't worry.
    Simple and solved not tangled like every fake idiot in this world.

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  • myownideals111 6w


    Poetry is the ocean of tears of red eyes that are tired of holding them in for so long.

    Poetry is the warm blanket of comfort that we wanted to cover us up of the cold and harsh judgements of this hurtful society.

    Poetry is the beautiful makeup touch on life that we apply to our faces.

    Poetry is fragrance in the flowers that is main center of attraction in life.

    Poetry is just like a holy tilak on any auspicious occasion.

    Poetry is like a support for emotional and sensitive people like us.

    Poetry is a chilled wine glass on success.

    Poetry is the pure love between us.

    Poetry is like a whole life story.


  • myownideals111 9w

    I really don't know on what verge of
    Numbness, my life will get.
    Without you.
    I am really not knowing now,
    What's going on with me,
    Neither on inside nor outside.
    I don't even have a clue of pile of
    The mess i am creating.
    The people i am hurting
    The way i am making things unsolvable.
    The idiotic thoughts i get
    The kind of pain i feel when
    I can't sleep at night even after
    Taking hundreds of sleeping pills!!!

    Everything seems blurring day by day.
    Like the world is getting no idea of the
    Blur images they are creating in the society
    Or maybe my eyes are getting weak
    And need special lenses that can
    See through the vision of society.
    The lens that would really hurt my eyes
    Even more than the gazillion times
    Someone gets burned alive at stake.
    To see you as a stranger.

    Society had a great impact on us.
    Making us starve the whole life
    Without each other.
    Crying and craving.
    Begging to be left alone.
    But no one will give a ...

    Today, i travel to a thousand places
    without even realising that the most beautiful scenarios passed beside me.
    But laying there on the stack of
    Mattresses in the garden on festivals
    Felt like the most beautiful world tour ever.

    There, i went into a world of fantasies,
    Harmonies, dreams and love.
    Beautiful and calming.
    Wonderful and charming.
    Full of you and me.

    I want you.
    Every moment.
    Every damn single moment.
    Dreamy and impossible.

    But if i talk about now?
    I am numb.
    Feeling almost nothing.
    Numbness covering me every way.
    Every second more.
    But still I feel you in my veins.

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    My situation.

  • myownideals111 10w

    I saw you smiling adorably beside me
    I also glanced happily but not so artsy.
    Everyone was cheerfully adoring us
    And our wedding was final.

    The other day , I invited my best friends
    And they came with absolute bloom,
    But were dejected by the precise order of
    Not meeting you, my love, my groom.

    They decided to help me spend time with you,
    No matter what it takes to do.
    I was not concerned about the whole stack
    Of rituals and ceremonies ,
    And i missed you in each one of them
    And mainly your voice like little harmonies..
    Not even a video call was allowed,
    Like you were something to be returned
    that I borrowed...������

    Two days before the grand day,
    We were nearly starving without each other
    Cause we spent 18 days away in total..
    My friends were still trying their best
    But everytime they messed,
    And someone or the other gets to know our gest.

    I was constantly waiting for these hard
    days to pass,
    Cause I was getting to feel like we were
    Being harassed.. So mean....
    But that night you came, and I was illogically
    Going to faint by the adorable and cute
    Smile on your toned face towards me.

    We were both contented with each other
    And wanted no one else.
    You were constantly playing with the strands
    Of my hair and calling me beautiful several times.
    I got shy but still perfectly fine after these days.
    This was our happy place and will forever be.
    We promised.

    I remember after a few minutes,
    My friends called me to send you back
    And mentioned that 2 hours passed,
    I had completely lost track of time.
    It felt like just minutes ago but really
    It was hours ago.
    You gave me a lil' forehead kiss before leaving
    And that crooked smile I always fell for.

    And finally, the grand day came,
    The wedding, we all waited for.
    I was being compelled to sit on a chair
    The whole day and get ready for you.
    My friends were more excited to make me
    A bride than any of us were.
    They didn't even let me take a final look
    At myself and hurried me towards my
    Forever wanted destination, you.
    I entered and heard everyone cheering our name.
    And both of our families adoring me.
    Our friends were altogether acting mature,
    And all the relatives with their eyes
    on me and food...
    But my eyes searched for you in the heavy crowd.
    And there you stand, straight in front of me
    Feeling so proud.
    Several of my male friends adored me and
    Gave me a boyfriend look that you noticed,
    And you told me about the way they think
    Like a pro even on my wedding.
    On my question of why is that so?
    You said,
    " I can't blame them for you don't know how
    Beautiful and stunning you are looking in my
    Bride's impersonation..."
    I couldn't believe you but still blushed red.
    Then, after all the rituals, we were finally
    A couple never to be tore apart now.
    I was yours and you were mine...
    At that night, everything was perfect,
    You and me, that's all we wanted...

    But suddenly, something was piercing through
    The lids of my eyes, and hurting them.
    I opened them in surprise,
    And that was sunlight through the window
    Of my room...
    I realised that it was a beautiful dream,
    I wanted to be true....
    I picked up my phone to listen to your voice
    That always make my day.
    But the reminder came upon and i shockingly
    You were really the groom and all of the dream
    Was a truth....
    But to our fate, i was not the bride
    You were getting married to somebody else tonight.

    I called you to confirm whatever the hell was
    You were crying along with me
    Because that was nothing any of us wanted,
    I came to reality and then assured myself,
    You were never meant to be mine,
    And we have to starve for each other till
    Our last breath....
    But we will love each other unconditionally
    And there is no doubt, i will be yours
    Forever, to the infinity and beyond....

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    Must Read the twisted ending.

    Love you forever !!!

  • myownideals111 11w

    Life can't be controlled...
    It just happens.
    Whatever happens in our life is just
    Destined to be.
    We can't stop it nor we can slow it.
    It just keeps happening.
    We are not meant to control ourselves or
    The way we do things.
    Because whatever we try to control or
    Resist, attracts more to us.
    And that is what is life.
    Whatever happens we just have to do
    What we are doing and never stop
    Instead of all the problems and challenges

    Shit happens and this damn life keeps
    Going on.
    Nothing stops for us, to care or to think
    About our condition.
    Nothing does.
    We are just alone in this battle of life.
    If you look after or before you,
    It's just you and you have to fight alone.
    No matter what.
    Everyone has a past.
    Do you know why???
    And why no one want to remember
    Their past or say that was painful??
    Why was it painful???

    Because life happened to them in a
    Shitty way and that was so brutal and
    Cruel that they were hurt by the way
    It happened to them.
    It was painful. This present, is a time
    Period that they are trying to handle it
    By their karma and make things easy in
    The future if not that painful.

    Don't worry, we are here to fight

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  • myownideals111 11w

    I know whatever has happened in reality,
    Will never ever affect my dreams...
    Those dreams in which I see beautiful scenes
    That i know cannot happen in actuality...
    Things that i am dying to feel in my real life...
    That i am dying to see in my real life...
    Full of happiness, full of love
    Devoid of hatred,anger and bad emotions,
    And also full of life but still in dreams !!!
    I want to be with you
    I want to feel you in every way
    I want have a life with you forever
    Full of contentment and relief
    Where no social boundaries can reach to us
    Where narrow mindedness doesn't exist
    There is only light of love
    That brightens whole of the world...
    We are free there
    We are happy there...
    Just like i want and nothing else...
    What do you want tell me,??
    But if you ask mine , then
    I want every moment in my dreams to be true
    With you !!!
    And we all know it is too good to be true !!!

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    Brightest deeds of God
    Are the existence of dreams.
    Fragrance in your stinking world
    Are the existence of dreams.
    You and I together forever
    In the existence of dreams.