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  • numbyourheart 1d

    take it slow

    if you want to do this
    if you really wanna try
    then you have to slow down
    you have to learn to take it one step at a time
    rushing into things won’t make it any easier
    and everything’s not going to be spontaneously fixed overnight
    it’s going to be difficult and you’re going to get frustrated
    but if you really feel it deep within you that this is something that you wanna do
    then please just take it slow and go with the flow

    8-9-20
    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 1w

    decisions decisions

    i don’t know what to do
    i keep making bad decision upon bad decision and now it’s all piling up and i don’t know what to do
    when i look in front of me i see nothing
    no future
    no hope
    no dreams
    no passion
    nothing
    when i look behind me i see
    pain
    and aching
    and blood
    and tears
    and emptiness
    and pain
    in my left hand there’s a phone
    the phone app is open to the dial pad
    and all i have to do is call someone
    anyone
    and ask for help
    in my right hand there’s a knife
    sharp and glistening and ready to puncture anything
    all i have to do is stab it through my heart
    i take one breath
    the two
    and three for good luck
    but fucking hell i don’t know what to do
    if i choose my left there’s a chance things will get better right?
    i’ll be happy someday and all of this won’t get to like this again right?
    but if i choose right then it can just be over with now right?
    i won’t have to live in constant fear of the demons coming back right?
    so what the hell do i do?
    why is this so hard?
    i don’t think i will choose
    i’ll just drop both and stay here
    here nothing make sense but at least here i can’t feel
    at least here i’m just
    here

    7-30-20
    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 4w

    lingering questions

  • numbyourheart 11w

    5-25-20

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    i found

    in the darkness i found comfort
    i found comfort in my pain
    the cause of my pain was you
    i’m not sure if i should thank you or not
    but i know i will never regret knowing you
    no matter how much pain you cause me
    or how much more i fall in love with the darkness of it all
    my love for you will never fade

    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 11w

    5-24-20

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    i wish

    i wish you could see it
    how much you hurt me
    i know you don’t know
    you believe i’m ok
    you believe i’m happy
    but the truth is
    everything hurts
    everyday i’m hurting
    but you don’t know
    you’ll never know
    i wish i could show
    i wish could hurt you too
    i wish i didn’t love you so much
    i wish this would all just stop
    i wish i were lying
    but this is the one thing i can never lie about
    i wish
    i wish i was dead

    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 12w

    5-17-20

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    last time

    if this were to be my last day
    the last time i say hello or goodbye
    the last time i tell you i love you
    if all of my last times are today
    then i would like to say
    my time here may have been short
    and i may not have mattered all that much
    but each day you made it a little easier to get by
    even if you were the one that made me want to disappear the most
    i love you too much to blame you
    thank you for the time we spent together
    and i’m sorry for the time that we won’t
    but if today is the last time i wake up
    and the last time i close my eyes
    if today is the last time i take a breath
    promise tomorrow you will keep going
    promise tomorrow you keep living
    and promise me that your love for me will never fade

    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 12w

    5-14-20

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    i called out to you

    why were you never there?
    i called out to you
    i begged you
    yet you never came
    why did you let me suffer?
    i needed you
    you were all i had
    why did you give up on me?
    did i ever have a chance?
    all i did was love you
    was it not enough?
    i gave you my everything
    was it not enough?
    tell me how can i fix it?
    i can’t keep going without you
    it’s too much
    i can’t
    i
    please just please
    please
    i need you help
    time is running out
    please
    please please
    please
    it’s over

    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 13w

    5-10-20

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    if

    if i’m struggling is it my fault?
    if i just give up whose to blame?
    if i’m stuck how do i move on?
    if this is all i’ve got to give, why do they keep asking for more?
    if i can’t see the purpose of life, why am i still alive?
    if this is the end, does this mean goodbye?
    oh right you wouldn’t know
    you don’t give enough of a fuck to care
    yea i think this means
    goodbye

    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 13w

    5-8-20

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    hurts too good

    i’m ruining myself but i don’t know how to stop
    i don’t want to stop
    it hurts too good
    but i’m afraid i’m not gonna have much left of myself to ruin
    day by day i’m withering away and becoming an empty void of who i used to be
    i just can’t stop
    and i won’t stop
    i just want out
    please i just want out
    2:41am
    ©numbyourheart

  • numbyourheart 14w

    4-30-20

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    repeat

    it’s a little bit overwhelming
    waking up that is
    in the first few seconds you’re clueless
    don’t know who you are, where you came from, where you are
    you know nothing
    and then it’s as if a dam breaks and everything comes crashing in at once
    you don’t have enough time to even think about any of what you remember because your body does that for you
    it gets you up and ready for the day
    takes you through your routine
    and then you’re standing in front of your bathroom mirror wondering why the hell your still here
    wondering why you woke up when all you wanna do is sleep forever
    and that ugly feeling comes back
    the one that weighs so heavy on your mind your posture is a bit caved in
    your heart though has been crushed under the weight
    and for some odd reason you wanna go back to sleep just to wake up again and feel those few seconds of unrecognizable bliss
    because it would be so easy to just forget everything
    it would be so easy to just not care
    but it doesn’t work out like that
    you have to get through the day
    you have to get hurt all over again
    and when you’re back home and you’re in bed you hope with all that you have left this will be the last time you close your eyes
    repeat

    ©numbyourheart