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  • pan___ 4w

    Sometimes I think
    That I should just disappear.
    Fade from the world.
    Leave everything behind
    And continue into a better existence
    On the other side of mortality.
    It wouldn't make that big of a difference.
    Not at all.
    The only people who would miss me
    Are the people who buy coffee from me.
    Nobody else would even notice.
    I could just go.
    It would be okay.
    But I endure.
    Because maybe I can make a difference.
    Maybe I will find someone
    who will miss me
    when I decide to take a tour of the Styx.
    I can at least hope.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 6w

    I can't think of anything that I love more than roller skating.
    It makes me invincible.
    Nothing can catch me
    And nothing can cage me
    Because I am more free with my skates
    Than anyone has ever been.
    I am the most free person that ever lived.
    I can just go.
    Go and go and go and go.
    Feeling the wind rush past me,
    I can release the wildness that lurks beneath my skin.
    Smothered any other time,
    The beast inside me comes to play.
    More comfortable with wheels on my feet rather than standing on solid ground.
    I can get away fast.
    But I can also attack with confidence.
    The only time I've ever felt alright with myself is when my trucks are swaying beneath me, riding the pavement like a wave.
    Feeling everything around me fade away, insignificant.
    This is where I belong.
    Free to roam by the power of nothing but me.
    But when I step out of my skates, reality hits.
    And it hits hard.
    Without my wings, I'm stuck.
    Tied down to things and people that I resent.
    Slaving away to survive in a world that tries to break me every chance it gets.
    I hurt so bad because I can't get out of my shackles.
    Just let me fly.
    Let me fly and I will fly away.
    Never to be seen again.
    I want my wings back.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 7w

    No more meds now.
    It's driving me crazy.
    That's what the meds were for.
    But the doctor says
    "Stop for a couple months,
    You might not need them anymore."
    The voices are back.
    My head is pounding.
    I can't stand looking in the mirror again.
    I'm paranoid.
    And I can't stand myself.
    The hatred is taking over again.
    I think I might hurt myself.
    Make it stop.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 7w

    I'm drinking on my lunch break.
    I know I shouldn't but come on.
    I really can't be blamed.
    Customer service sucks.
    Especially when co-workers don't do their job.
    So it all falls on my shoulders,
    Exactly where it shouldn't be.
    It's not a hard job, there's just a lot of it.
    I hate the job just as much as they do,
    But I know that to get paid, I have to work.
    That's just how life works.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 8w

    I don't know what I'm doing.
    Ever.
    Just always assume that I have no clue.
    Because I most likely don't.
    I'm just holding on as best as I can while life is just running away with me.
    I'm just stumbling around just sorta doing my own thing.
    So confused.
    People just think that I know what's going on.
    I don't.
    But I guess I seem like I know what's happening.
    Oh well.
    I suppose I'll make it through life.
    Confused though I may be, I survive.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 9w

    I hate the cold.
    Warm and cozy is my thing.
    I am not warm or cozy right now.
    I'm just miserable.
    The chill seeps into my hands like Satan's lotion.
    My bones feel brittle enough that I might shatter at the slightest touch.
    I need to thaw.
    Need to bathe in the warmth.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 9w

    Where is my purpose?
    It seems like I lost him.
    Or maybe he ran away.
    It probably took my happiness with him.
    Cause I can't find her either.
    And so I've been abandoned.
    Maybe I should find a new one.
    Maybe once I do,
    I'll find my happiness with him.
    She likes to jump from one purpose to another.
    That tramp.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 9w

    This new year I'm planning a lot.
    I will be a better person.
    Exercise more.
    Eat better.
    The whole thing.
    I have this plan every year.
    And I never accomplish anything.
    But this year I will.
    I will be more outgoing.
    Learn more.
    Be nicer to the people around me.
    I'm going to do it all.
    Oh who am I kidding?
    I'll last a week.
    Then that will be that.
    The end.
    To be honest.
    Probably won't even make a week.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 10w

    Release

    Let me go.
    Please let me leave.
    I've been here too long.
    I need to get out.
    I need to be free.
    Let me strap on my skates
    And get far away from you.
    Have my car towed and my legs broken,
    I'll crawl away if I have to.
    Just let go of me.
    Take off the leash and handcuffs
    And let me go.
    I want to leave.
    ©pan___

  • pan___ 10w

    Why do I hurt?
    Not just my body
    But my heart too.
    My soul is being crushed.
    I'm consumed by anger.
    As well as sorrow.
    I don't like this.
    Not at all.
    ©pan___