My heart sits deeper as it sinks in my stomach. My throat feels tight and my eyes are starting to burn. Trying to hold all this in when im bout to combust from..... Everything. I can't help but let out a sob here and there even though i havent shed a single tear yet. My eyes fill uo like the dam is a about to over fi fill. And then I swallow it back down. Pull the blade right from my back and lick the knife, so much betrayal so much pain from the way life's dug it further into my flesh. My cheeks start to tighten and my forehead starts to scowl, my lips almost puckering and I can't stop shaking my leg the chaos within . and from here on out im going to be blessed. Lord hasth granted mercy on our souls and restored what weve lost so long ago. Hope, faith Grace leave blessings fortune, love, and.... Mercy©peanutbutterfish
Can you hear my screams in the silence of the night. Does it give you goosebumps and fill your core with fright. Does Your mind flood with images that you can't stop? leaving your stomach churning and your heart begins to drop. Your rocking in the corner with your head between your legs, praying for daylight to come through your shades. The little men the shadows are no longer your friends, they're mean and play tricks to toy with your head. The time doesn't seem to complete that circle anymore, like keeper of time said he was late to keep more. Somethings will never leave, sometimes love is a scary thing.©peanutbutterfish
Thought there'd be some flowers and wine a little bit of romance one last time but here I'm alone in the dark. Bought my own and some chocolate ice cream let's see if I can fix this broken heart. Momma was right when she said you're going to tear my world apart. Daddy is disappointed because your the first he liked, didn't load his shotgun even caught Me by surprise. All the times we had, the memories shared the love I thought we created, it's almost unfair. Here I am a hotmess cry baby fool, I should've known better bad boys are only good at not playing by the rules. Here for the rest of my life the void won't ever be filled, you left your mark and it won't heal.
Its lacey, and things been a little bit crazyy,Single cuz no fuckboy can faze me, if you ain't gonna fight me shut up and find a seat with them bitches that be hatin me. My heads only down when im Rollin up the tree we only smokin on some kill, and im always smoking free. Pretty girls don't ever have to roll next time your asked then that ugly truth be told. I dont lite my own smokes and i always walk in first, niggas always hold the door an my cheeks can feel the thirst. Eyes be staring, bitches be glaring, wish a mother fucker would quick someone dare them. Mouths be drooling, these guys be fooling, glock one my hip im with the niggas that's be shooting.
He be out all night, creeping by the moon light. Says he's doing business but none of it's making senses. Want him by my side, he don't really even know when I said I'm down to ride. I can make them sacks, keep a scale in my bag. He collect the green n be poppin on the scene, if it's not me whos the females that he brings. Truth hurts but can he just be real he's thuggin on my heart not caring how it feelsIm a solider there's nothing I won't do ill build a home and be a ghetto princess to. He sneak in with a fresh new scent, and that's not my shade of lipstick thats stained on his neck. He dips and dodges seeing me so much, why not just leave for good, fuck this thug love. Ive tried and tried while he's thugging it out. Thuggin on my heart but hell fuck around anx find out. Says he a dog well females are dogs too, you think you playin me nigga im bout to show you, ima be a hoe and live the single life up, you didn't want me boy, sit down or step up©peanutbutterfish
I hate the monster I've became, reflections in the mirror we both look the same. I hate the person you turned me into, my fault by letting what you've done taint my colors that bleed through. I hate the choices I've made and things i cannot take back, you pushing me down The wrong way when i wanted my own path. I hate the things that have burned in my head the sound of your voice bouncing off the walls piercing barriers of what can't erase that's been said. All these things you say you hate Are now all of me I am dooming me fate. You formed me into what you despise. Now your monsters aren't so easy to hide.
Deceive and decept. False allusion it may Be, but some truth is best kept. Missing a tiny piece just to save a little face, youll never know unless you go looking for what you don't know is missing in it's place. There's always 3 sides to everything. Each opposite party and the truth but I say there's 4 because there's missing pieces in truce. Deceptive deceit nothing's complete because we demand answers when there's nothing to reep.©peanutbutterfish
Anarchy rise into the streets. Chaos and mayhem c'mon who's riding beside me. We all as equals no one running the show, corrupt and madness anything has a chance to go. soak the rags in gas ,strike the match, lets light these torches and watch their city crumble like we have. Lets take back our power and feel it burn through our veins who are they to keep these laws and be who we answer to. I answer to nobody that's my god given right, when my judgement day comes, god will be oreered to shed some light. These sick and evil beings are wasting our precious air, let's follow the 5 laws in prison, if they're not wrong then they wont care. Anything in the world unless its one the codes can be solved by violence that's how the system should go©peanutbutterfish
I had a dream.
2020 vision, it looked up for a second then fell off to shit again. Everything seemed so promising like we all really had a chance, only to be blindsided while life just sits and laughs. We're already halfwsy through and seems are even more unknown, as were prisoners of ourselves going crazy in the world we know. Distance ourselves more, but when is it enough, ive been alone for sometime, i miss when life kissed me and i felt its love. We all had hopes and dreams that this year would be ours to declare defeat, but here we are surrendering while life claims our victory. The body counts get higher as we all wait to purge, on a pindrop the battlestsrts but i thinks been here without saying the exciting words. At this point what do we do, what's the point on tryinv to get my life back straight, the wordls changed and the end is coming these are our final pathetic days. Its all just a phase itll be gone before we know but this phase I've always been in as far back as i can know. Keep our heads up well make it, as they take away things we need tjen wonder why we riot and act like criminals in these streets. Theyve pushed our backs up against a barbed wire fence, it's cutting us to pieces but still we don't give in.It seems to be a nightmare what my life's mess has became, 2020 was supposed to be the year for me now there's nothing fixable it's because the same. They say our times running out but we wake everyday, waiting for the world to decide when to give us a break.Sorry this is just ramble. My heads heavy my hearts full there's no tears to cry and nothing left to lose. Ain't nothing wrong. Ain't nothing right but here i lay awake all night. I pray hard so i can sin harder, have you ever wondered whats given to you if it's your soul you barter. Eternity in hell May not be so bad, considering it can be worst than the tragedy trauma and devastation my life's had. It can't be worse than all these days i lived angry at the world never wanting to forgive, when that moment came and the pain lifted in my heart, the dagger was driven deeper right when my new life was about start©peanutbutterfish
Angels on themoon
Now i lay me down to sleep, i pray you take my soul that weeps. If wake before i die, cut the angels wings from flight. If i die before i wake, demons meet me at the gate©hotmessconfessions101
I really don't know what else to do. I've looked around but there's no more clues my ghosts and spirits thst guided my way, laughed and ran far far away. my guardian angel w halo so bright, hung up her wings and called it a night. the devils tail and devils tongue ran back to the gates ashamed of whst ive done. now here I stay im lost and alone a misfit toy wanting a lovin home.
for better for worse til death do you part, til the bitter end from the sweet innocent start. tainted love after years of betrayal now there's nothing left of this never ever after sad love tale. two words of a commitment holding us all, our family trees roots until that tree trunk falls. branches broken off with the life's changing wind, the storm carried on until it broke off all its limbs. now two old souls try to keep their roots firm in the ground, but empty picture frames, lost memories and tears are the only thing around. tired and aged seeing the wrinkle lines in the bark, drained of love and dead like the autumn takes life's sparksdividing by sides and forced to take just one, jumping from the branch not choosing so i hung.©tres_5_seven
traumatic dramatic, dont make sense reflecting back at it, questions not answered bc god doesn't speak, hows there so much devastation in a world he keeps. i wanna know why he allows us zo much pain, destroying who we were well never be the same. how can he recall innocent lives he made, how can he let monsters run but the good he forsake. how is there so much hate when all his word is love. how can there be angels on earth when he's locked em all above. how can we pray to a good that doesn't pray himself, how can we store our riches in heaven when we're living in hella. maintain your faith with no light in sight, can't have hope when your souls tired of the fight. come on now answer me one more, could be walk a mile in our shoes and not be unsure©tres_5_seven
Your shadow stuck with me and mine follows you around, its the only way i have you since you cannot be found. It goes by in days without the company of my loving friend, til the sun comes out and i don't wonder where you went. He doesnt say much he keeps secrets to himself, better that way instead of kiss n tell.
We love each other for hours and hold each other tight, if only at that moment it cant be anything but right. Shared moments by star hour and gone by sunrise, watching the moon wave just like us saying our sordid goodbyes. I hide my tears snd force a smile across my face, i know you miss me all throughout these days. Its not our time nor may it ever be, so until then we love while were supposed to be a sleep.
Youre a cold piece, hell bent, horns and tail worst love ive spent. You forsaked me now im here drowning in this glass of whiskey tears, shattered dreams hopeful wishes and lost in fear. That smoke burns and rolls out my lips, fallen angel devil made so sinful with a magic kiss. Betrayed me had me played a fool, spiritual warfare declared and im rhe duell. Caught me between the light corruption seduction a candid sight. Lord help me i confess my sins, wrapped up in these sheets over n over again. Can't really live without him,/ life didn't make sense without him, i dont care where im going better than where ive been. Sometime it's gonna come round and ill still be right here lost in his love not tryin to be found. He must been made for me bc our shadows dance, our demons play well, Sunday kinda love at last.
#hotmessconfessions101 #confessiontime #shitstorm
hey everyone! this is hotmessconfessions101, im going to be using this account only for my laptop. and since my life is so intensely crazy i figured i would share my journey with the world. some people find me to be loved with all they have, and some despise the air i breath. either way, im gonna live my life and just love me.!
heres a little about me, and due to some legality issues atm, im going to withhold my name, becuase i have a paparazi hater club who are eagerly waiting the fall of me.
im 27ish years old. lifes abused me but i wont abuse life. i have 5 kids. 2 of my own, ages 4 and 7. and 3 teenagers i have been soul mother to for the last 5 years. i am divorced by 3x, currently debating divorce number 2 with husband number 2. lmao. i have spinal ms, and am choosing no treatment at this point in time for my second run of cancer. im currently writing a book based on my life, and this will be used for that as well. if you have followed me then you already know some of my story. i will be posting on my wall so i don't have rewrite some of it because there is so much more to cover! welcome to my batshit crazy life! good morning! who's ready to suck today's dick? hahaha. yes, i still have my demented sense of humor.
get over it, bc aint nobody got time for that.
once upon a time
once upon a time, we met in this beautiful place...
and they lived happily ever after ... someone e lse not me.
so where do i start. probably in the middle because thats something i would do. lets start with... phewww. i dont know what day it it but im just gonna say... what a fucking week that started a long time ago, and never fucking ended. you ever had one of them weeks. when everything falls apart and the apart falls apart too? that week ended right?? mine never did, since the first day i was forced to consume space here. have you ever really challenged it. really fucking challenged can it get any worse??? ... when you really think theres nothing left to give. fucking do it.. ask that. then youll be where it is what it is and allow it as it comes. it gotten to the point instead of cry i just laugh why the fuck wouldnt that happen, ya known. why not. right. ... and then when your prepared and something happens again. and your like. becuase why wouldnt it. and your just..accepting and think of it as a prank game.
dam. sorry i got side tracked apparently.
the hamster in this wheel go round and round, trying to drown out with my souls trying to tell me in silence. and i dont want to entertain the ghosts of my past at the moment,
ill change it up.... in my deepest dorkiest voice. and on this epioide of these were the days of our lives, confessions of a hotmess101...
ahh im freeziing becuase idk where to start
put myself in time out.
you are fucking amazing, i love the fuck outta you. youre beautiful and strong. such a good person. you know the truth and fuck the rest. it aint none of ya business what others think about you. keep your head up so your neck rolls dont show n you dont get wrinkle lines becuase you cant afford plastic surgery. your fucking hot and a mf princess. i love your life and your death too. keep em watching, and watch where you step.