After so long I sat down with a pen and paper hoping to find an end to it.
It happens after a while you stop expressing your pain, people think things are getting better with you. But its only you who knows how you keep hurting in sleepless nights and still come back with a smile. As time flys you get busy with life and think you're getting better but deep down the hurt still gleams in the darker parts and somethings always takes you back to the time you shouldn't. But have you felt the bitter side yet? There's more to this pain when your friend is hurt with the reason once you were hurt too. It breaks you to see the one person who was there with you throughout, the one perosn you wished the best for is feeling the hurt now. It breaks you to hear them say the same things you still finding answers for. It breaks you when they are speaking and all you are trying is to hold back your tears cause it's you who have to be there this time. It breaks, it breaks and it breaks you more. You run to your room as you couldn't hold back this time, After months you remember the hurt again, After months you feel the tears flow again. And as you sit to find an end, you see it begin again.
The words are tangled together Not knowing where to begin I stand numb at the front door, Back to the time I was eleven I remember that morning I woke up late It was raining heavy Thought it was a holiday, I ran to the hallway There were guests with my dad I heard a little and a clear goodbye, I went to my mom in the kitchen There were neighbours with few tears.
Soon I was told We were leaving our home Travelling away to a different house No more school, No more friends here. Everyday I spent there Flashed back within a second I cried out loud Wanted to stay in home, Wanted to go to school But little didn't I knew I spent my last day with my friends With no promises to stay in touch.
The boxes were packed The truck was loaded Everything within a blink of an eye, I stepped in the car With a hope in my heart To meet my friends For one last time To tell them that I never wanted to leave.
The words are tangled together Not knowing where to begin I stand numb at the front door This time with a heart Full of memories, full of melancholy, Remembering how deeply I wanted to stay then And how deeply I want to stay now, But with these past years This home has taught me that Life can be unfair in many ways.
The little girl inside me Still cries for her lost friends Hoping to meet them one day, Wondering was there a way then To stay and not leave at once? And now the grown girl Stands numb here Wondering is there a way to stay And not leave again.
Dear Love, Out of all the letters I wrote to you, this one holds a special place in my heart. It has now been like a tradition to write these letters every year on my birthday just in a hope of you reading them someday. Do you remember the days we spend together wandering through the city lanes? Do you remember those stories, how we met in your magic show and how you lost my favourite bracelet trying some trick on it? Who knew it would go so far? But surely I found the magician of my life there. You always heard your fans appreciating you! But did I ever told you, that you had a different spell on my life, that you poured the most magical feeling in my life? No I didn't. I wish I should've told you then and maybe things would've been different now. Do you remember how excited you were on my 28th birthday? You had your biggest show that day and after the show you drove in all hurry to meet me. Never thought that the day would cost me so much that I would have to pay for it the rest of my life. Isn't it silly how you wished to spend the evening together but all I received was a box stained red found in a crashed car? How? To make that one day charming how could you not think it was paramount for you to reach safe? Now I live with these letters in the forlorn paradise. Where days start in misery and nights ends in grieve. If I knew the magic spell I would've brought you back. If I had the reverse clock I would've brought the time back. But all I have is your last gift, the silver ring with infinity on it, though it keeps slipping out from my wrinkled finger now, it holds some magic in it to keep me alive through this life. I know I have a long journey to go but how am I suppose to keep going, knowing that there's no happy ending?
I'm not going to deny. I was tempted, so tempted to hold his hand. To take an easy ride. Go with the flow. Have a casual fling. For the first time in life, I felt lonely. I was okay being alone, but I just missed the feeling of having someone I could talk to, laugh with, be silly around. Someone who'd care. And allow me to pour into them all the love I had. And in the midst of such desperation, entered he... with all his selfless care and love, at least what it seemed to be at the moment. Although I knew, it was transient, once things get comfortable, people slack down, take the other for granted. I knew he would too. But I swear it was so tempting to have his outstretched hands right in front of me. I, for once wanted to hold it and run. Run until I could. And then I wished somehow along the way, things would go astray and give me a reason to move away, get rid of him. I actually found myself fighting the urge to use someone to evade my loneliness and then just drop them when I didn't need them anymore. But then I looked at his face. And I saw two things. Hope and unfamiliarity. He still had those hopeful innocent eyes, that believed in love. And my heart just couldn't stoop so low to be the reason he'd be robbed of his precious jewels. And he felt unfamiliar. Not like home, not even like neighborhood. Just a comfortable hotel room in a foreign land maybe.
It is unbelievable how I can be myself around you and feel so close to you, I feel like I have known you forever! I’ve never had second thoughts or regrets about us. With all the tears and trouble we’ve been through its worth it because I got to share my heart with you! You’ve opened my eyes to love and true happiness! I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life like I am us!
My paradise is right by your side, With you I broaden my stride. Looking for your house, I found my home. With you even a small town is as majestic as Rome. Now that you I have found, All difficulties have fallen like dust on the ground. Now that you I have found, I feel like a queen who has just been crowned.
One of my favourite moments with you is when we’re teasing each other and we just end up smiling..laughing at what we had said. I love your smile and how your eyes light up when you do. I love how natural my smile is around you.❤️