When I'll meet you again, I'll neither ask for anything nor will complain about you. When I'll meet you again, maybe I'll just want to dissolve in your arms just like the sun dissolves in the sky in the evening. I'll just want you to hold me tight because I've been breaking down bit by bit. I'll just want you to touch me, to fill up the spaces of my fingers with yours, to hold my hand and make me feel at ease. I'll just want you to melt me down because I've been so cold lately and which I don't like at all. When I'll meet you again, I'll not wish for anything else just you. When I'll meet you again, I'll just want everything else to disappear because I'll just want to focus on you, just you. My eyes are longing to see you, my soul needs you and my body craves for your touch, just yours.
I am withering day by day, slowly, it's the kind of wither which is visible just to me, just me. For them, I am blooming, but I am withering day by day. And I'll wither away soon if I'll not get proper nourishment that is you...
Save me, my soul is dying slowly with each passing second.
P.S- I need to write things regardless of everything else. I am grateful for each and everyone of you.
This is to you, yes you. You have been running in my head lately and that's not at all fair now. You cannot just come here and spill the things that I have been trying to organize daily. Running in my head is okay but the trouble begins when you start messing up with my heart ( of course in a good and gentle way) but I do not want that, I have other things to focus on and they are a hell lot important than the things I have spent my three years on. I do not want love i.e., you, even though I badly wish and need it but I do not want it because love at last destroys us gently and then brutally.
My heart's a barren land now, a desert where nothing grows, it's dry, unnourished, and unhappy. No, unhappy doesn't mean sad, I and my heart are a separate entity, so I am happy it's just my heart who just cannot stay happy, I am not saying that it doesn't try to stay happy, it tries and it fails but it then gets up again with a will to be happy. Nothing grows there, nothing comes there and nothing stays there. My heart's a desert and it needs love but I do not want it. I have got sunshine in my share and I am really happy with that but then I remember an Arab proverb that says "Sunshine all the time makes a desert". I love sunshine but I do not want my heart to be a desert, I want it to be a safe place for all that was, all that it holds, and most importantly for all that will come. I want to keep everything that entered there safely and securely as a memory.
Isn't it just wrong? When you try to forget the things, you fail and you remember them even more. But when they are right there when you don't make any effort to forget them, then you stay sane and somehow you start acting normal, you don't even realize how and when you did that impossible thing. Isn't it just wrong? Why the hell trying fails? I do not know if this happens with you, but it happens with me. Distance gives an enchantment to the view and distance has always been my biggest reason to love, when things are closer I seem to love them a lot less than when they are far away. But you see, people say that you must stay away from the things that don't serve you well, you must stay away from the person whom you loved once and who don''t love you anymore. So, I am doing the same, I am staying away from you and being what these millennials are, but I am not that and you know it well. I have always made peace and accepted the reality and moved on from you by staying there with you and watching you love someone else. I wish to be my kind of normal, to stay without even staying, to love without even wanting anything in return, and to leave without even leaving.
But now, I did the thing, I did what others usually do and I cannot go back now to my kind of normal, at least for now. The day you called, it was about 9:30 - 10:00 in the morning, I just sat to study but then I saw your call. As soon as I saw it, my heart rushed back to you but I didn't want to pick it up, I wanted to see it ringing just to see how many times it can ring but to your sad and to my bad, instead of keeping it aside, by mistake I disconnected the call. The blunders I do! Then neither you tried to call again and nor I and even why would I have called back? Anyways, leave the unimportant things aside, my point is from that day till now I am not able to focus, focus on the things that I need to focus on, I am just restless, tired and disappointed all the time, so I write. I write to find a focus but then I keep writing and writing and get involved in this and I get nothing.
My point is why do you stay in my heart and head when I don't stay in yours? Or is it that you stay here because I stay there in yours, is it so? I believe in all such things, so if it is so, then let me out of your heart, please? I need my focus, I need my calm, will you return it to me, will you?
P.S- I wrote this last night at 3:00 a.m, I am a different person now, but posting this still for the people who love reading me. (✷‿✷) @dusky_dawn <3
When everything else goes away, the only thing that stays is that feeling, that known yet unknown feeling. Betrayal, lies, disappointments, anger, and hate everything finds a way back at some point or the other but what stays is love, at last when everything else vanishes, it does stay, maybe not with the same intensity, not with the same excitement but with neutrality, with normality and with love mixed with a pinch of sadness, a pinch? no? tonnes of sadness wrapped up in guilt, regrets, nostalgia, and disappointments. And you know what? The sadness, it comes in waves and takes me to those good old days, to make me miss you when I should not. My sadness and my tears are quite familiar with you, whenever they come down my cheeks they remember you and then come down more heavily and quickly. No matter what the reason is behind my sadness and tears but as soon as they visit my eyes, they only see you, they keep you above everyone else and they shed keeping you as the topmost reason. My sadness and tears love you and they somehow find a way back to you quite often.
I have stopped writing daily because I feel that sometimes it only makes things worse. It digs a grave for me and it makes me drown in you and that I do not want now. The only thing that I wish for is peace and most importantly peace with you in it, I wanna be at peace with the fact that you never loved me and can never love me and to be very honest I do not even want love. I want to be totally okay with the fact that we are over and we are never ever getting back together. And believe me, I am quite okay with that but I am only a human and sometimes I feel bad, bad for not receiving the kind of love that I gave. But it's strange, a little touch of your love was enough to run the oceans of love inside me, it's a hell lot strange, isn't it? But what's sad is I am the one who's drowning in it all alone. Believe me, I'm trying my best to be normal, yet again. It's just that some days are sad and my sadness is quite familiar with you, so it remembers you as soon as it arrives keeping the other reason aside.
Writing, even the saddest and rudest one, makes the other person feel that the one who lives in words is a sad and a hopeless person and I do not wish to be a sad person living in past because I am not sad, I may look like but I am not, I am a person who accepts the reality and finds reasons to stay happy and content. Writing works as a catalyst, it brings back past and it makes me live there where I am not, no matter how much I say that it doesn't affect me but it does affect me bit by bit, it's an addiction, you're an addiction, love is an addiction, it makes us go deeper and deeper so easily, without making us realize that we're on the way to abyss, we go at the rock bottom and then find that there's no one to pick ourselves up. But now I am picking myself up day by day and not writing about you is one such step that I took.
But when it all gets a little too heavy and I wish to let the love inside me out, I pour it down here on my notepad without hoping for anything in return. When the love inside me starts turning toxic for myself, I try to let that out, and on days when I miss you a little too much, when you start buzzing in my head when your thoughts start hitting and hurting my heart, I wish to put it down because that's all I can do. On days when I feel like loving you, when nostalgia hits me way too hard, when my heart starts missing you when the spaces between my fingers die to fit into yours when my arms hurt badly because you are not there, when my heart feels a hell lot sad and when I feel bad for the love I have you, I make love with words and surprisingly, words make me feel good then, they make me see my heart on my screen through my eyes, they make me love you without even needing you.
But you know what the problem exactly is? The problem is that heart is a complex organ. It works well only when it functions alone without coordinating with the head. But when the heart and head thinks and makes decisions in coordination with each other, that's where the trouble begins. Maybe I am done being naive, I am done using my heart alone, no matter how much I try to use my heart more, the head comes in between to confuse and disturb me. Maybe it's just a reflex action of my body, it sends the signals to my head to use it a bit more to save myself from all the trouble. The reason why it's so hard to put everything down on paper is just the same because it's not easy to print my head and heart on a blank paper because neither I am a writer and nor I am God. I am a human with complex emotions and personality. The day when I'll be able to put it all down, when I will be able to write down exactly how my heart looks, that will be the day... Till then I'll keep writing about the pieces of my existence and parts of my heart, till then I'll keep writing about the mess that I am, till then I'll keep writing about the things that matter to me.
On days I wish to live you, I try to live you in my words and this is one of those days. -yours
It's been so long since I last wrote anything. No, it's not a writers' block or something, not writing anything is not uncomfortable these days, it's way too comfortable. I didn't write anything because I didn't wish to and why I didn't wish to because I need to move, move forward from the things that are gone and some way or the other I believe that these words sometimes keep me stuck in a place, they make me live in the past, they make me long and wish for the things which I'll never get in my life, they make me remember, they bring back the memories, they make me believe that I am the one who got her heartbroken, they make me love those who don't love me at all, they make them an important part of my life, they make me a loser who has lost everything including herself. I didn't write anything because, I, I a-m n-o-t a w-r-i-t-e-r, I am a human who has a heart, I have feelings not words and I didn't want to make my feelings useless by writing them down, for now.
It's not that I don't wish to write or I don't wish to read, I badly wish to. But needs are more important than wishes that's why I need to stop, I need to stop writing and reading for some time about the things that trigger me. After all, what these words gave me? They didn't bring back what's gone, they didn't make things the same as they were, they just kept me moving in a circle, in a circle of love and loss, hope and hopelessness. Instead, they kept and keep everything alive even the feelings that are dead, they make the dead alive and the dead who are alive are not normal they are ghosts, they haunt you in the day as well as the night. Those ghosts don't haunt me, I am way too brave and immune to get haunted by those ghosts so they eat me up and sometimes I eat them up and I keep on living with them normally. But that normal, my normal is not normal, that normal is called staying stuck in a place, in a moment, in a person. And that my dear, is toxic and wrong.
It's not that I don't love words, I surely do because, at the end of the day when there is chaos and I don't have the right words to say, I look for words only to express and to know what's wrong and what I feel. It's just that it's not the right time and I have things important than living in the past and the people, I have things other than romanticizing about the lost love, I have things other than creating scenarios in my head that are never going to happen, I have things important than hoping and forgetting because whatever is going to happen will happen regardless of what I do or feel. I will write when my head and its restlessness will come at ease, I will write when I'll be unaffected by the things I write.
I will write surely someday about you, to remember you, to live you, to feel you but not today because today I have things important than this and that is my peace. Dear words, I will be back because now I know that you are here with me and you're gonna stay with me always, if not in my poetry then surely in my heart.
-with love -sakshi
@dusky_dawn wrote what's in my heart right now. I'll write something good some day.
P.S - I don't write these days because I am busy with my studies and I need my full focus there. ♀️
One-sided love is not a superior kind of love, it's not, at least for the one who loves unconditionally. "एक तरफा प्यार की ताकत ही कुछ और होती है, औरों के रिश्तों की तरह ये दो लोगों में नही बटती, सिर्फ मेरा हक़ है इस पर.." (~)shayad sahi hi Kaha hai, is par Sirf humara Haq hai, sirf humara, ye dil par ek bojh hai, ek bhaari bojh jisko uthane ka zimma sirf hum par hai, na chahate huye bhi.
one-sided love is strong, it is heavy and it is limited to just one person, they love alone and they leave when they reach their breaking point, they suffer alone. Fiction is not reality, songs are not reality, they are just a small fortunate part of reality, one-sided love doesn't win in the end. Neither the person gets satisfaction nor he gets someone else to fill that void. One-sided love isn't a fairytale, it's a trap, it's a suffering, no, it is endless suffering, it is dying every fucking day, it is living on the dead hopes, it is pain, love is pain. It creates a void, a void that takes so long to get filled again, it makes us hollow, dead, and cold, it changes us as a person, it takes away our naivety from us, it makes us stoic, it creates a fear in our heart, it makes us believe in love less, it makes us frightened at just a thought, it makes us hate love, it makes us lose our faith in love, it makes love synonymous to pain, betrayal, hurt and sufferings.
’ ’ ’ ?" (~ ' ) it makes us hopeless, it makes us hopeless, it makes us HOPE LESS. It goes one way and ends one way, it makes the field of our heart barren because it doesn't get the nourishment. One-sided love doesn't get love in return. IT'S A DISASTER!
" (, ) ' ' ; ' ... . . (~.. , " ) After all, it takes two to tango. No matter how much all these fictional books and shows make us believe that the other person realizes and loves the other person in the end, but that's fiction, you can make it the way you want, just like you do now, in your unrequited love story, just like you try hard to make it a fairy tale and to make him your hero, just like you ignore all his mistakes and find a perfect reason to make it up, just like you love him regardless of all the wrongs he did/do. Welcome to reality and this is the reality of one-sided love, it's a slow poison. You don't get love in return, you can't make people love you by loving them harder, by drowning in the oceans of sadness, or by killing some parts of yourself. Pain, hurt and sadness and restlessness, these are the gifts of unrequited love.
"Robinhood by Anson Seabra plays in the background" ;)
आओगे जब तुम ओ साजना आओगे जब तुम ओ साजना अंगना फूल खिलेंगे बरसेगा सावन बरसेगा सावन झूम झूमके दो दिल ऐसे मिलेंगे आओगे जब तुम ओ साजना अंगना फूल खिलेंगे
The only and last hope that is left in my heart is to meet you once for the very last time.
When I'll meet you again, may be I will still be the same as I was before, may be I will not talk at all, may be I will just smile and smile without saying anything, may be I'll say those three cliched words for the very last time, may be I'll talk like I never have talked before, may be I'll tell you how much you mean to me and how much I miss you or may be I'll just say nothing, may be I'll spill my heart infront of you, may be I'll keep it safe and packed, may be I'll not ask you for anything other than your presence, may be when you'll ask me to look in your eyes, I won't be able to do so, may be I'll just laugh it out and say that I can look in your eyes but I'll not be able to, may be we'll just sit in a weird silence paying attention to the surroundings, the sky and the soft breezes, may be you'll look at me and I'll look at all the other things except you and may be I'll look at you when you are not looking at me, may be I'll just sit or stand there in that angry and neutral mode and may be you'll ask me to talk, to talk about anything and everything, may be you'll ask me the ways you can make everything right and may be I'll not say anything, may be I'll just smile, may be I'll stay silent and neutral to you but may be you'll know that I am not, may be I'll just hold your hand just to let go forever, may be as soon as I'll see you, I'll just hug you or may be you'll do the same, may be you'll not ask me to talk, may be you'll not ask me to say anything, may be you'll just hug me because you know how much your hugs mean to me.
For the last time, maybe we'll meet again, not with grudges, not to clear out anything, not to mend what's broken, not to heal the pain, not to make things right again. We'll meet just for the sake of watching each other from close for the very last time. Maybe we'll meet again just to be nothing. Maybe we'll meet, maybe we'll not, may be when we'll meet again, I'll not be able to leave but may be I'll leave.
नैना तेरे कजरारे हैं नैनों पे हम दिल हारे हैं अनजाने ही तेरे नैनों ने वादे किए कई सारे हैं साँसों की ले मद्धम चलें तोसे कहे बरसेगा सावन बरसेगा सावन झूम झूमके दो दिल ऐसे मिलेंगे आओगे जब तुम ओ साजना अंगना फूल खिलेंगे...
To be honest, people praise my goddamned face. It sucks, She does the same. But the way she looks at me in astonishment. Hehe..I love her. I wait for her compliments whenever I get dressed and that lil munchkin never fails to appreciate me. (No matter how bad I am looking.)
Your happiness is my happy ending. No matter how tragic or pathetic it becomes, I will end it on a happier note in my story just to see you as my favourite reader. I don't want to make it into a bestselling at the cost of publishing our own little secrets. -Bubla
//khamoshiyan aawaz hain tum sun'ne to aao kabhi //
You forgot to read the poem I bookmarked last night. And it felt like an unrequited leap year passed within those countable hours . That star shivered alone last night sobs in a corner in every morning when night moves away bidding an unrequired adieu. And a myriad of sullen silence wait to fall in place before the words fall apart and you learn to read between lines .
Homelessness sits up straight on the spine of silence. And the apocalypse emotions sings a lot using the vocabularies, unknown. So the poem I jotted down makes no sense. Not even it could make my readers to label it as a sad poem. So the silence I thought to use as sword found to be blunt . Still silence speaks in volumes. You just have to decide whether you can lend your ears and mind to it's endless murmurs and make it feel homey.
//beqrar hain baat karne ko Kehne do inko zaraa //
Silence is a lone poet. It has to say a lot of things just to fell into a deep slumber.So you just need to look beyond the calmness it wears and let it go for the relentless rambles.