Behind the Smile
My smile hides more than you can imagine, pain buried so deep, with no chance for release.
You think I have it easy but there is a continuous war inside my head that will ever cease.
I have a lovely family and beautiful life as far as you can see
From the outside, everything is wonderful and as fine as fine can be
You only see who I am now, without a clue of where I’ve been
I have had so many years of making it look easy, you seem to think I always win
Nevertheless, do you think life is a competition? I have never been a competitor, and never will be.
Do you even have a clue or care about the night I watched a man die right in front of me?
I still have nightmares of the sounds, flashing lights, his body, the blood, and I was only a teen
I had already lost my grandfather, who’d been my father, and a best friend, causing my life to careen
I am still afraid of the dark to this day, because that is when the bad things occur.
Some of these things I remember so vivid, yet some still remain a blur
You see me after a night of those nightmares, but all you see is a smile
While my stomach churns in pain, with nothing but pure bile
I had my first child and found out his father was a drug addict
We pray for him because he remains a complete and total derelict
With nothing left, I worked no less than 60 hours a week, as others were having the time of their lives
Regretting nothing, not even moment, I made sure my baby was fed, and that we survived
Some played and laughed while I worked, and you thought I had it made, of course
Many things in my life could have easily broken me, but my heart beats with mighty force
The demons I face are mine, and have nothing to do with you
I will fight my own battles, please do not misconstrue
You will see me, caring enough to help you day or night.
Even when I see through you, with my initiate sense of respect versus spite
I have suffered with broken hearts for many reasons, not to mention the pain I have endured
I know what it is like to be jerked from being a child, to an adult that quickly matured
I am hard but choose to show I care, and am learning life lessons all the while
Yet, none of this you will ever see, It’s tucked neatly behind the smile